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Relationship expectations

Discussion in 'Personal' started by chicabonita, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    Are your expectations of a relationship fulfilled or do you find yourself disappointed? If the latter, do you think your expectations are too high, you're with the wrong person, or what? and do you intend to do anything about it?
     
  2. In the past I often found that in the relationships where we didn't have similar expectations we were definitely not suited for each other. In the relationships where I had low expectations I was walked all over (bit of a self fulfilling prophecy there!) so I left. When someone had certain expectations of me that I couldn't live with I left.
    Now I'm in a relationship where I am really content and I do believe that most of that is to do with the expectations we have of our relationship being on a similar wavelength.
     
  3. Fulfilled for the most part but I expect any long term relationship to have some give and take so I am happy to rethink some expectations
     
  4. I am more fulfilled than I have ever been. I think it is partially due to the fact i went through a big bereavement (alone) and he came into my life and lifted me up. He makes me laugh and is sweet and loving and means the world to me. We have had difficulties and some of them big ones but we have worked through them.
    I have to make allowances for him as he has never lived with anyone before as he has to make allowances for me and my ways too but we are learning about each other together and re-adjusting as we go. I don't want to be without him ever and he feels the same. ALso I am a firm believer in that relationships don't just happen but require you to work at them just a little. Of course there maybe a point when it is too much work and then it makes sense to stop (maybe).
     
  5. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    I have few expectations. Everything she does is fine by me.
    I will always love her.
     
  6. That's lovely Lurk.
     
  7. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    She laughed and I have had to fend off a barrage of 'what ifs', some of which would have tested the patience of Robert Brady.
     
  8. Funnily enough just had a conversation about this with my OH earlier about this and we came to the conclusion that we have similar "world views" and expectations and that's why things between us are so so different to the experiences we have had in previous relationships.
    This doesn't mean we agree on everything at all (ha!) but that the things which really do matter we are in pretty much full agreement with.
    From my past relationships I would say when two people expect different things the relationship is going to be more fraught with underlying tension and then you get the "walking on eggshells" feeling which is horrid.
    Don't know if that helps but that's my perspective!

    JRT xxx


     
  9. I agree, feeling rather choked up!
    We're like chalk and cheese but have the same fundamental values and hopes for the future. We're facing our own challenges but we're stronger than ever. He drives me mad, and probably vice versa, but I absolutely adore him.
     
  10. JRT that makes sense especially the first paragraph. Mr c and I share a lot of the same views on life/universe/everything but sometimes although rarely,we differ .We have almost identical sense of humour and we laugh and laugh a lot.
    We have just had our first Christmas together and it was perfect in every way and this is largely due to the fact we are both fairly easy going and went with the flow. We rarely argue or disagree.


     
  11. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    2 arguments in 21 years, neither of us can be ***** to fall out with eachother.
    We're very similar in our values but quite different in personality. I'm gregarious and always on the go, he's quieter and more laid back. We've reached the stage where we almost read eachother's minds. We have similar expectations of eachother- love, respect, support and laughter.
     
  12. I think that it is the overall attitude to life that is important, if you don't have a generally similar one then there will be problems. The devil is in the detail and my experience is that it takes time for you to discover if you are truly compatible in this respect.
    For myself I have had a marriage where we were most definitely not compatible however it took me a long time to realise this. Thankfully, this was one of those "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" experiences and I am now more than happy in a relationship where we have a similar attitude. Should this not be the case then I would not be in the relationship as I strongly believe that this is the foundation of a strong and lasting partnership.
    Only you will know if it is right and my advice is to take heed of any little alarm bells that are ringing now - I didn't in my marriage but now realise that it might have been a good idea.
     
  13. I find that expectations of a relationship change as you grow older too. Laughter and companionship are much more important nowadays. Things that once caused rows no longer do. We both enjoy different activities and will cheerfully go off for a week or so on our own to do them, which would never have happened thirty years ago. Life is good. curlygirl summed it up perfectly: love, respect,support and laughter.

     
  14. cosmos I was thinkingsimilar things when reading this thread. Although Mr c and I have been together only 14 months my maturity and aging has lead me to needing different things from a relationship that i previously did.
     
  15. Isn't it great chillie!
    Less angst, less exhausting too. I love being the age I am. Congratulations on your lovely sounding relationship.
     
  16. Thanks cosmos. he is lovely and lights up my life in a way i never though possible.
     
  17. Mine have been fulfilled but we have grown and changed as a couple together over more than a decade. We have shared happy times and more recently sad times. He has helped me through an absolutely horrible time at work and we have both had to help each other through unsuccessful fertility treatment.
    You do have to compromise and you have to be sure the person is right for you.
    As we've been together a long time I can't really remember what I expected from our relationship when we got together!
     

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