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Relationship ended

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Sillow, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    After 8 years I have finally split up with my boyf. While I know it's the right thing to do for me, I feel guilty and sorry for him. I've come home (he's staying elsewhere for the time being) for the first time in 3 days and I feel a bit sad but I don't want my resolve to waver. Any hints on how I can stop beating myself up about it? I want to move on with my life. Or is it just a matter of time?
  2. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    You've agonised over this I guess. Just press on. Better now than later if it really is over. No experience to call on here but best wishes to you.
  3. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Oh Sillow!

    That's so tough. As you say all you can do 'is hold on to your resolve- that it is the right thing to do for you.'

    8 years is quite a while to invest in a relationship, so it's going to take a while to be in a place to 'move on'. It's perfectly normal to feel sad- a part of your life is coming to an end and temporarily there will be a void.

    As you're not in school at present what about joining something for something to do of an evening?
  4. ValentinoRossi

    ValentinoRossi Star commenter


    Hi Sillow,

    Eight years might seem a long time to turn your back on, which is perhaps why you're feeling nervous about keeping your resolve. But stick with the decision you have made.

    You are bound to have times at the moment, especially living alone now, when you question that decision. Just let those feelings wash over you and go with the flow. Those doubts are in your head, not your heart.

    Everything happens for a reason. Take your time and move on to a new life.
  5. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    One would assume as time goes on you will miss other areas of life that you possibly both shared.

    For the moment take courage in that YOU made the decision,YOU made a choice and so YOU can now set the agenda for your life.

    First meanwhile learn to relax if you can and although the end of all relationships have sorrow you can and will find other things to interest you.

    Now is the time to resurrect your hobbies and interests.possibly friends( although im told married friends are wary of folks who are single) plan t follow your dreams as far as you can afford them.

    My friends who divorced have told me that the worst bit for them was the no one there to talk to and the cuddle when you need it,I hope you manage well x
  6. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter

    Hi Sillow

    Nothing to add to the kind thoughts and good advice above, except that as old friends on Another Forum at one time, I sympathise with you.

    Best wishes


    Meet Theo on line on the TES JobSeekers Forum, where she answers jobseeking and careers queries regularly each week.
  7. needabreak

    needabreak Star commenter

    Hi Sillow,

    You feel sad but didn't say you missed him so sounds like you are a kind person who is just considering him, very sweet but actually you sound like you have decided what is best for you, perhaps just enjoy this time and see what life brings like others have said.

    I've been single for a while after a difficult breakup with someone who wasn't who I thought (story of my life), but finally I am enjoying being me... it's so refreshing Sillow, don't get me wrong I was sad ... very sad and hurt but with hindsight I am actually stress free and happier now... just think you can flirt without guilt lol ;)

    Chin up matey, all the best,

  8. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    Thank you for all the positive thoughts. I am okay, trying to keep busy by seeing friends. I'm excited by the future but also terrified; I have to keep reminding myself of all the reasons I'm not with him anymore or I would take him back in a heartbeat. I feel sorry for anyone who's ever gone through this because it's horrible. We're going to have to live together again for a bit until he finds somewhere else and he has anxiety issues so it's not going to be easy for him and I feel so bad about that. I wish I could fast forward the next few months.
  9. mandala1

    mandala1 Occasional commenter

    It is horrible. I was just going to advise a clean break - but read your last update and see that isn't going to be possible for now. Be strong and take care. x
  10. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have had to live with an ex for a while so appreciate how stressful it is and it sounds as if you have added complications. Perhaps write a list of a reasons that you made this decision to help you keep strong. Carry on with the keeping busy - it helps.
  11. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    NOT easy for you either! Seriously is there no way round that? The situation is so potentially problematic.
  12. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    I might advise that if you are going to have to cohabit in the same house then you sit and have a friendly talk and lay down some ground rules.

    They can be basic there is no need to be nasty unless he makes no move to leave the house.but its remembering why your separated and who does what.like you might with a flat mate.

    Remember he will feel a failure as well and although you dont massage his ego you want him moving on with a more positive tone,even as you are trying to so that you own feelings can stay clear and not feeling hurt you somehow you have let folk down,.

    The end of a relationship is never easy....but you have to work your way through it....and being clear and honest if often one way of dealing with it. I am sure others will advise you differently and more wisely.
  13. needabreak

    needabreak Star commenter

    Your name should have been the old oracle@tes olds, that sounds infinately sensible and not what I would have thought of at all *guess that's why I'm single (but jolly ;)
  14. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    Thank you again for the advice and kind words. It's been a couple of weeks but feels like much longer. I have had some amazing times recently and feel really strong about my decision now. I haven't spoken to him but I know I'll have to at some point. I finally feel able to have that conversation.

    It's my birthday and I feel good knowing that I'm going into a new year living for myself!
  15. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    Happy birthday Sillow! [​IMG]

    May the future beckon even better things!
  16. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Sillow and the very best wishes for the future.
  17. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    HPB (belated) to Sillow.

    You can do it!
  18. lillipad

    lillipad New commenter

    Sorry to hear about your relationship, I feel in a similar situation with my partner of 5 years but am not 100% sure yet. Hope you are staying strong and positive :)
  19. Sillow

    Sillow Lead commenter

    Thank you for the birthday wishes. It was a day of mixed emotions.

    Lillipad, I'm sorry to hear you are in any kind of situation similar to mine. It really is quite horrible. I hope you can get things sorted one way or another.

    I have a list of reasons I shouldn't be with him but I just keep coming back to how horrible I am and how guilty I feel; I am kicking him out of the home we've made together because it's in my name. I am also scared of the future and wonder if it wouldn't be easier just to get back together.

    Trying to stay strong!
  20. You are one horrible person with no redeeming human requisites. He surely is shot of you ad if there is any natural justice, you will find no-one else and spend the rest of your miserable days slowly dying alone and eventually being eaten by rats.

    That make you feel better? No? Then let's look at the likely alternatives. You will shuffle on for a bit feeling sorry for yourself but then meet someone else. That's what happens, honest.

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