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relationship advice

Discussion in 'Personal' started by nosandals, Apr 10, 2012.

  1. My daughter was (at first) outraged and said " Mum, you could do so much better". My son is neutral about most things. They're both not so bothered now. My daughter treats him as an eccentric, my son has his own social life and isn't around much.
     
  2. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    Sorry lady..but i think you are being used.
    I have emplyed and worked with ex alcholics and drug users....the reality is their lives are clouded by the stuff they take inside themselves...I am not saying they cant change...but this guy dont seem to want to. His reaction to critisim is exactly what i found with my chaps when put under pressure..they have learnt to defend/oppose the problems by aggression and quick reaction.
    Reality is...your sorry for him,your frightened to hurt him and your believing that your leavig him will make him worse Q is do you love him so much that he might not ever change?Do you think he ever will change or that he wil become the new ideal.Comparing him to your ex s actions is not exactly the basis of agood long term relationship.
    Do you realise that if he deems this state he is in as suitable for him he might never want to alter his ways.yes he might have nice qualities....I also have had some brilliant conversations with winos and they have loved me greatly(well if i can avoid the arms round shoulders and huggs! lol)...and in the next breathe have seem them become morose and violent .Think of your self...your happiness.Youwant to change the world for this man, but the man may not want to be changed...and if you leave him he will still merrily plod on his way.
     
  3. Thank you, that's a very good analysis. I've told him it's over and he immediately blamed me. I'm off to lick my wounds now. Thanks everyone for your support. I hope I don't take him back. I really want to break this pattern.
     
  4. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    Your point about this man taking you to the pub - most men do that. Your sample size is too small. Time to get out there and meet some more.
    You have a really good chance of finding a man who will (a) take you to the pub, (b) wash, (c) brush his teeth and (d) not be an alcoholic. I am not a big fan of lists of expectations but I think those four are very, very reasonable [​IMG]
     
  5. Phew.

    You can do better.
    *pats shoulder*
     
  6. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    You won't. Sorry things have turned out so rotten with this guy . . . it's tough (additional new wounds on top of the unhealed previous wounds) . . . . but you will be setting your sights much higher in the future and there's plenty of men out there who have good mental, emotional and physical health and hygiene, who are considerate, caring and good natured . . . . you might even find a really interesting one with the added bonus of no tickling nostril hairs [​IMG]
    Take good care of yourself.

     
  7. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    You won't regret this, nosandals. Well done for being strong and doing what's right for you.
    Look after yourself and let us know how you get on x
     
  8. Crowbob

    Crowbob Established commenter

    Quite an eventful afternoon for you...
     
  9. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    wow - the power of tes. OP - I thought you really liked this man and didn't care what anyone thought!!
     
  10. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    sometimes we need a stright opinion about a situation.i do .often we have low values ofoneself.or of a situation and we are unsure what to do.....what we say might have helped...but in the end if it causes us to think and decide then what another says is useful!
     
  11. The lab would probably be cleaner, too.
     
  12. oldsomeman

    oldsomeman Star commenter

    My Labrador used to try and lick me.do you think it was trying to tell me something?[​IMG]
     
  13. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    Not half! It's good to get things sorted within 3 or 4 hours whilst also posting on TES to keep posters updated.
     
  14. Hah! I see we are thinking along the same lines seren.
    It occurred to me to wonder where this fine specimen of manhood was when all this was going on. Did you break up with him in person, by email or by text OP?
    I think we've been had.
     
  15. Thanks for making me laugh out loud after the day from HELL, CK. I can always rely on you. ;-)
    nosandals, you seem like such a nice lady and although I don't know anything about your bloke, I just get a feeling in my gut that you're selling yourself short in a big way. I know - I used to do this too.
     
  16. Crowbob

    Crowbob Established commenter

    I feel positively giddy with power.
     
  17. I posted on here about it because I already had my doubts, because of the way he was treating me. I took out the really bad bits. The bits I spoke about weren't the ones that were really worrying me. The whole thing took place over windows messenger.
     
  18. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I doubt it. The OP has been posting for a long time.

     
  19. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Lead commenter

    I think when your self esteem's been battered by a bad long term relationship it can be difficult to see clearly when you begin a new one.
    Only you know how this new relationship feels but it seems to have plenty of things to doubt. I hope you have made a decision you're happy with and I hope the right caring man is out there waiting for you - when you're more healed.
     
  20. Thanks, ils. It hurts even more because I feel that I love him. I don;t know if i really do, or if it's just me replacing my ex. It wouldn't have been kind to continue the relationship anyway because of that, even if he had been nicer.
     

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