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"Delivering Big Flavours"

Discussion in 'Cookery' started by nick909, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. nick909

    nick909 Lead commenter

    Just so you know, having watched plenty of cookery programmes recently, it's no longer called "cooking", it's called "delivering big flavours with the wow factor".
    Wouldn't want anyone getting it wrong.
    Also, if you wish to improve your cookery, it's important that you call it "taking it to the next level".
    You also need to make sure that you cry a lot, whether your dish is a success or a failure.
    Also - remember that it's far more important to impress a panel of self-absorbed cretins with your food than it is to cook meals prepared with love for friends and family, or to feed paying customers at your successful restaurant.
    And, if ever in doubt about a meal you've cooked, smear a teaspoon of parsnip puree down one side of your plate. Unless it's a pudding, in which case you should make a ridiculous mess with some hot caramel and a metal spoon, burning yourself in the process, but then placing it on top of whatever you've made, and referring to it as "sugar work", whilst looking ridiculously pleased with yourself. This means you've "taken it to the next level" even if the rest of the meal is inedible.
    Don't say I never give you lot anything.
     
  2. lapinrose

    lapinrose Lead commenter

    A big dollop of sarcasm served on the side adds to the enticing aromas of the dish.

    BTW you forgot the dried veg/fruit sprinkled at random, sheets of veg/fruit cut into enticing shapes and delicately inserted to give the suggestion of I don't know what.
     
  3. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    Having watched some top chefs on Great British Menu, I have learned that the way to go with puddings is just to keep on adding another layer. If you have a rather good lemon meringue pie, then this is just passe. .Add sugared rose petals around the side. And some little snippets of jelly on top. And pipe some cream rosetttes as a border. And top the rosettes with caramelised nuts. And place a bottle of booze in the middle of the pudding. And then add some sparklers stuck all over.
     
  4. Having watched some top chefs on Great British Menu, I have learned that the way to go with puddings is just to keep on adding another layer. If you have a rather good lemon meringue pie, then this is just passe. .Add sugared rose petals around the side. And some little snippets of jelly on top. And pipe some cream rosetttes as a border. And top the rosettes with caramelised nuts. And place a bottle of booze in the middle of the pudding. And then add some sparklers stuck all over.
    Beth, how could you - you forgot the obligatory smear of coulis!
     
  5. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    *sob*...you're right! I totally failed to take my cooking to the next level!
     
  6. I know! Plus the fact that puddings must all now be deconstructed thus needing plates three feet long.
     
  7. egyptgirl

    egyptgirl Senior commenter

    I believe made a very good (dare I say excellent) point a while back that there is a reason why these dishes are constructed in the first place!
    Anyway, if its not about the actual cookery involved anymore does that mean that we need to change the name of the forum?
     
  8. egyptgirl

    egyptgirl Senior commenter

    That was supposed to read - I believe Nick made a very good (dare I say excellent) point a while back that there is a reason why these dishes are constructed in the first place!
     
  9. henriette

    henriette New commenter

    oh dear - we served a deconstructed Eton Mess last night!

    O/h doesn't like cream and son doesn't like meringue, so daughter served 3 bowls on the table for us to create out own "Mess" as we each liked it - worked brilliantly!!
     
  10. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    I think the rot began toward the latter series of Food and Drink with Jilly Goolden giving her absurd reviews on wine. One that's stuck in my mind was "And it's got a hint of ... hmmmm... you know the smell gum boots have when they're drying out next to the Aga?
    You're right, nick. TV cookery programmes have becoming increasing pointless, often with remarkably little being show about how to cook a recipe or any information about food. For all the slating Jamie Oliver gets, at least he goes through recipes step by step and says something useful about the ingredients he's using.
    We could easily lose Come Dine With Me, Masterchef, Great British Menu and every other one where competition among the participants is all the programme's about. I expect they're cheaper to make than sending Floyd off on a tour of France or Italy though, and provide midweek entertainment when Pop Idol or Dancing on Skis isn't on.
     
  11. nick909

    nick909 Lead commenter

    [​IMG]

    Good to see you're all up to date with all of this.
    It's all about delivering food concepts that meet the brief with an emphasis on high-end execution.

    I might add that it's also essential that any dish contains at least 7 wildly different ways of cooking the main ingredient. Why settle for cooking a cut of pork well when you can give yourself a nervous breakdown making lots of little meals that make up one big meal, in the bizarre assumption that the diner has food-related ADHD and can't cope with eating more than one mouthful of the same thing without become bored and having a tantrum? Because everyone wants to eat spare ribs, confit of belly, a scotch egg, a raised pork pie, a pickled bollock, a sugared ear, a smoked anus and an eye sausage all in one meal, don't they?
     
  12. nick909

    nick909 Lead commenter

    [​IMG]
    I saw a completely bizarre deconstruction the other day - a deconstructed pavlova, or something...ridiculous.
    You might as well just sellotape a pig to a chicken on a loaf of bread and call it deconstructed scotch egg.
     
  13. nick909

    nick909 Lead commenter


    Did you watch the Greedy Italians, MM? The best food programme on TV in years and years. Wonderful stuff.
     
  14. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    I've watched a few and I like it. Not as much as I've done watching Rick Stein express passions about good food in his early programmes though. It seems that these days even he often has to succumb to having his programmes based around cooking for special events though rather than cooking meals that would inspire the viewers to have a go at.
    I do have to agree that the Greedy Italians is one of the best at the moment. I like the constant questioning about whether attitudes to food, family life and so on have changed since they left Italy.
    Among the best Food and Drink programmes was one where Anton Mossiman visited a family eating junk food and showed them how to cook a decent dinner and dessert well within their budget. The family said it was the best thing they'd eaten and swore they'd take the trouble themselves to recreate it and learn how to cook themselves. Any chef could do this.
    I suppose Ready Steady Cook trys to help to some extent by setting a budget and seeing what the guests turn up with and what you might do with it on the spur of the moment, but half the programme is talking about the celebrities.
     
  15. marshypops

    marshypops New commenter

    Does this mean that if I cook shepherd's pie for dinner tonight then I've failed? Does this mean that I'd have to stop cooking for my family?[​IMG]
     
  16. It is funny and quite stupid, isn't it?
    The most important ingredient of a meal is the love for whoever you are cooking for.

     
  17. Si N. Tiffick

    Si N. Tiffick Occasional commenter

    It could be a winning dish if it were "deconstructed" or turned out to be made of chocolate mince topped with marshmallow mash and served with spheres of kiwi fruit puree made to look like peas or something equally absurd.
     
  18. lapinrose

    lapinrose Lead commenter

    Easy-peasy, a packet of mince, bag of potatoes, an onion, few herbs, a carrot, some milk etc. etc. Load it onto the table, hey presto deconstructed shepherd's pie.
     
  19. nick909

    nick909 Lead commenter

    Either that, or contrary to almost everything you've ever known, the shepherd's pie would be the side dish to a massive slab of meat (with any vegetables being a mere garnish) if you wanted to win the competition. Naturally, served in a stupid little copper saucepan.
     
  20. ......and on a wooden board - or is that too passe now? Should it be slate? That's it - slate is the new wood.
     

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