Will I have exclusive use of the butler? Do I have my own car parking space close to my office? Do I have to eat the same as everybody else if I eat in, or is there a special menu just for me? Will my heroin habit be a problem? How much is the headteachers expenses budget? How long do I have to be off before I get a doctors certificate? Do you know if there are any staff members with an authority fetish up for a bit of slap and tickle?