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Pushy parents!!! Don't you just love them?!!! (Not!!)

Discussion in 'Private tutors' started by suzette, Sep 25, 2019.

  1. suzette

    suzette Occasional commenter

    Hi Guys, I'm just having a rant more than needing advice! I'm currently tutoring a young boy who is in Year 5 for his 11+ English exams. I had previously tutored his sister who successfully got selected for all four schools of their parents choice, with them settling for one of the top schools in South London. It was hard tutoring the daughter; not because of any real issues with her, but because the mother was demanding (asking me to constantly change my lesson plans at the drop of a hat/and changing the priorities of what 'she felt' her daughter needed to be tutoring on.

    She often sat behind us on the sofa and would often interject in the lesson if she felt I wasn't doing things the way she wanted. (she still sits behind on the sofa and I often have to tell her son, not to keep looking back at her if he gets things wrong, the poor kid looks so stressed at the need to get things right all the time because of her). I would constantly have to tell her (in the nicest possible way to butt out!!).

    Now she's started to ramp up the 'useful advice' with me tutoring her son. I'm furious!! She proceeded today to tell me how to do my job and was constantly telling her son to sit up properly when he dared to slouch during the lesson. I have in no uncertain terms again told her to let me do what I do well (and have also reiterated that, I have successfully tutored her daughter, so just leave me to get on with it). I don't know why, but today she was at it again! After the lesson I have told her this needs to stop otherwise I will have to stop tutoring him.

    There you go, rant over! Has anyone else experienced this before?
  2. alsoamum

    alsoamum Occasional commenter

    Not to this extent, but I'd be giving notice too if I were you! What was her reaction to you saying you'd stop tuition?

    I get lots of parents who clearly don't read my notes in their childs file or listen to anything I say. Had one the other day phone me in a panic because they've had parents evening and the school are concerned about something and they want me to start working on it without delay. I've been telling them I'm concerned about the same issue for a year ... and we've been working on the issue for a year, with no back up at home from the parents!
    phlogiston and suzette like this.
  3. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    I'm glad to say I've never experienced anything like that. I'm happiest when the parent says "I was hopeless at maths" and just let me get on with it.

    Unless you are desperate for the work I also think you should give notice.
    Mermaid7 and suzette like this.
  4. SayItLikeItIs

    SayItLikeItIs Occasional commenter

    It isn't for parents to tell you how to do your job, any more than you'd tell a service provider who came to fix a problem in your house how to do theirs. You'd either trust that they knew what they were doing or tell them to go.

    It sounds as though you've laid down your boundaries to this mother clearly. I wonder what her response was? Depending on how things went, in this situation I might follow it up with an email confirming the arrangements, and suggest that Mum stays out of the room.

    Sometimes it is the parent who has the anxiety issue and not the child: it sounds very much the case with this parent, especially if she can't trust you after your success with her daughter.

    I do allow parents to stay for anxious new students, especially if they are in KS1. Sometimes they can be a bit intrusive. They've usually been apologetic when I've asked them just to sit back and observe. But sometimes it's a necessary evil which I will tolerate if they are quiet and sit back and play with their phones. In an ideal world, they wouldn't be there at all, because it's always more relaxing when it's just me and the student.

    So I agree with others, that if this parent is stressing you out - and it may be too late already - then walk away.
    suzette likes this.
  5. suzette

    suzette Occasional commenter

    It's not the first time I've told her I was going to call it a day because of this, but she continues. I think I'm going to call it a day with her. Sometimes you need to know when to call it a day.
    Piranha likes this.
  6. bramblesarah

    bramblesarah Occasional commenter

    The fact she asked you back to tutor her son after the success with her daughter proves she thinks you know what your doing! If she thinks she knows better why not do it herself?
  7. alsoamum

    alsoamum Occasional commenter

    Yes, the trouble is when you threaten something and don't do it people just carry on with what they were doing. Just tell her it's no longer working for you.
    Piranha likes this.
  8. suzette

    suzette Occasional commenter

    An update: I've just told her that I'm not doing it anymore. I get my Wednesday at 4pm slot back. Yeah, loving it already!!! :D
  9. suzette

    suzette Occasional commenter

    She has been!! Yesterday she told me she just wanted me just to focus on the creative writing part of the 11+ English tutoring! She told me that she had been tutoring him as well as me and had downloaded stuff of the internet, as well as using the worksheets, advice and info I had given her daughter last year when I was tutoring the daughter!!! The damn cheek of the woman!!!! I'm so glad I binned her.
    phlogiston likes this.
  10. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    Well done you.
    suzette likes this.
  11. alsoamum

    alsoamum Occasional commenter

    Well done. Hopefully you can fill the space woth someone who is easier to work with.
    suzette likes this.
  12. Piranha

    Piranha Star commenter

    You lasted longer than I would have! I think you made the correct decision.
  13. langteacher

    langteacher Occasional commenter

    It is like a weight off your shoulders when you've been worrying about whether to get rid.
    I had one a while back. Mum just dropped the kids at the door and didn't even knock to pick them up they just went out at the right time. There was often an issue with I'll pay you next week blah blah. So then I asked for pay in advance and we did 4 week blocks. Then that was forgotten. When I got rid she accused me of not caring about the kids, apparently they were gutted , and only being in it for the money
  14. Abitofeverything

    Abitofeverything Occasional commenter

    I would never tutor someone with their mum sitting behind them! Poor kid. You're well out of there.
    suzette likes this.
  15. suzette

    suzette Occasional commenter

    She actually contacted me yesterday apologising and asking if I would consider tutoring him again. I said no because also in the past, I have suggested that to get him in a situation where he would perhaps feel more relaxed, that he tutor in my home. I have a purpose-built studio/learning environment that is at the bottom of my garden away from the house (the former owner built it, as he was a musician/music tutor & it's sound proofed). It is a perfect place to learn, however she declined. I definitely am well out of it.
    Piranha likes this.
  16. gainly

    gainly Star commenter

    I do feel sorry for the children when the parents put them under so much pressure. My sister tutors for 11 plus. She told me about one poor child, who had no realistic chance of passing , and who's parents threatened to kick him out of the house if he didn't pass.
  17. Lespaul101

    Lespaul101 New commenter

    That is terrible. I’m sure they wouldn’t really and it was their warped way of trying to motivate the child, but when will people learn that kind of talk only harms the child and does them no good at all.
  18. Kateray1

    Kateray1 Occasional commenter

    yep. With a previous parent while I tutored CEM science and now while doing 11+. I have not got to the “butt out” stage yet though.

    I get the feeling they may be leaving the country soon.

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