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Pros and cons of giving up work to look after baby

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Arched Eyebrow, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. I think this is a valid point. Personally I NEEDED to be away from the kids, out of the house...it actually made me a much better mother in the times I was there. Teaching fortunately is about the best career to have if you do have to return to work. Evenings are long, weekends guaranteed and lots of holidays. Some women would say going to work made being a mother easier in many ways. I'd be one of them - and the money was useful too!
    Oh...and my 'little ones' didn't have regrets. Had they suffered in any way because I was not a full time Mum I'd have known. They are grown up now and inteligent, well-adjusted, loving adults.I don't feel I missed out on their development at all. The other side of the coin is the children who are draggged up because their switched off mother is fed up with the same old routine at home, day time TV and the daily grind.
    Let's not pretend raising kids is one long play/bonding adventure. It's not. Stay at home mothers are usually expected to do all the housework and cooking too, and looking after the needs of their working man.
    Sounds like part-time work might be <u>your</u> best option Chica?
  2. Pros: especially before they get to nursery school age, you can give them that special time they need to bond, learn, know that you are there no matter what (doesn't matter whether Mum or Dad).
    It is time you can never get back. It is good for you and very good (IMO) for the child. I took six years off in total (3 per child). I only started p/t again when they got to nursery (plus I freelanced). I went back to f/t work when my son was in late Primary.
    Cons: It is harder to get back into work. But it is doable. I did it. The financial burden is another thing not to neglect. I was married at the time, we managed on OH's income, but don't forget, you are then not forking out for childcare.
    I don't believe that children will really suffer for having working parents - as long as they have one reliable person to look after them whilst the parents are working. This is much better than passing them from door to door to whoever happens to be available.

  3. As pension was mentioned - you need to listen to your UK residents for advice on this.
    I didn't lose pension rights - my years of childcare are covered by the state - not at the level as when I was earning (which is salary dependent), but based on the average national income.
    My pension has no holes in it as those years are automatically accounted for, just as the years I was a student were (I studied in the UK, so am covered for those 4 years via the UK).
  4. btw - my mother was a working parent.
    You don't suffer as a child really. If you have a reliable support network.
    It has to be your decision, chica. Would you be happy ONLY at home? Would p/t be better for your sanity?
    Would you be willing to fight to get back into work if you gave up now for a few years totally? You CAN do it - I did. But it isn't easy and can be a bit frustrating. But don't let it put you off - you are still young.

  5. Do what you think is best for both you and your family.

    Best wishes
  6. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    Roughly how much are childminders?
    It's interesting to hear the different perspectives on this, thanks.
  7. Depends on where you are and who you choose!
    You may have a local nursery which takes younger children - my sister did this for two mornings a week but I have no idea what she paid (she did groan, though).
  8. What do you have (realistically and dependably) in the way of support if e.g. the child is sick? Will your partner really share the housework and childcare if you work? Do you have home-based friends nearby? It can be quite isolating if all your friends are at work and you are stuck on your ownio with a small child all week.
    Personally I think it is important that a baby/toddler/small child be based at home in the care of a parent or other adult who loves them. It's only a few years out of a lifetime. But I appreciate it isn't for everyone.
    Let's not pretend raising kids is one long play/bonding adventure. It's not. Stay at home mothers are usually expected to do all the housework and cooking too, and looking after the needs of their working man.
    That would be me. That is the price I paid for raising our children as I saw fit. In fairness, if my husband has been out at work for twelve hours, it is hard to ask him to cook a meal and tackle a basket of ironing as he walks through the door once the children have turned two!
    One of our teachers said that part-time was the best - you spend all the time at one looking forward to the other!
  9. It is what I decided for best for us as a family. It could have been my ex, but he earned more than me at the time [​IMG]
    It was only six years full time at home in the grand scheme of things - but worth it.
    We did have the luxury of being able to afford it -or should I say, we just got on with it. Tightened our belts and lived on one wage for a few years.
    I don't regret a single minute of it - and am now fully back into my career.
  10. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    I agree- it was going to be OH as I earn more, but now baby's here I am really enjoying being a mummy (bandage joke, anyone?)- very unexpectedly- and I hate the thought of anyone else looking after my baby!
    Yes, but I don't mind that...
  11. If you want advice from someone who was more or less forced into being a full time mum due to being an army wife - dont do it.
    Go back to a part-time job. Baby wont suffer. You will probably be happier, more fulfilled and not bored. You'll keep your career intact and maintain your pension.
    One other thing - people do look down their noses at you if you're a full time mum. I've been there, done it, got the t-shirt. I've had people literally turn away, not wanting to talk to me once they knew I was "only a mum."
    If you take a few years out, you may find it quite difficult to get back into a job - of any kind!
  12. I didn't. Walked straight back into one.
  13. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    CONS - rubbish pension, loss of career/progress/isolation/dependency on partner/status
    PROS - lovely for children/no worries about 'when they are sick and childcare wont take them/time to develop hobbies etc/bring children up exaclty how YOu want

    I am sure there are others. i did it for ten years mainly as I had no family around and an offshore partner. It was pretty lonely but whenever I troed to go back to work the children would be ill and employers were not remotely understanding. Childcare was also such silly money that working once I had two children was a non-starter. It was actually easier to work when they were tinies than once they went to school as finding the childcare for that was near on impossible.
  14. Nope, I found it easy to get any job.
    It took a while to get back into a career job, but I did it.
    Chica would too.
    If Chica is happy being a fulltime Mum and housewife for a while, that is fine. She is young. She will not be giving up the rest of her life or career.
    Then you know weird people. I have been asked as to my motives, but I have never, ever experienced that people literally turn away or not talk to me.
    Lily and I have both been there, worn the T-shirt so-to-speak, as fulltime mothers. Both of us found the experience positive.
    I even managed as a single mother - it is perfectly doable to get back into life after child rearing.
    If you want to stay at home for your children, chica - stay at home. If your OH is in agreement, don't worry about the future.
    Your children will grow, become more independent, and you have a whole life then to work and concentrate on your career xxx

  15. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    I think I do want to give up work.
    See, this made me feel really excited! The thought of going back to work doesn't- it makes me feel apprehensive and sad.

    Now, how much would I need to pay back if I didn't return to work at all??
    If I went back for the minimum time, would that upset my baby and our routine/bond?
  16. Mangleworzle

    Mangleworzle Star commenter

    The service and entitlement you have given will be saved. However terms may change before you go back to work again and it possible that as there has been a break you will have to take up any new terms for any new contributions whereas you may possibly have been able to keep the old terms if you had been continuous. Then again it may be the same regardless.
  17. No idea about the UK.
    No, you would find a new routine, but the bond would not be lost.

  18. Then to put it bluntly - you want to be a mother, full time.
    So be one. And enjoy it.
    It is nothing to be ashamed of xxx
  19. When I say I was a full-time mother - because we had so little money we couldn't afford to go on holiday, so we used Mr L's holiday entitlement for him to look after them while I did supply! And I could write in the evenings. When Son2 was 8 months I had an evening job cleaning offices while Mr L put them to bed.
    When they were all at playgroup/school, I shared childcare with a supply-teaching friend whose children were fortuitously my children's best friends - she did Thurs Fri, I did Mon Tues and we both had Wed off.
    You find a way.
  20. Yup. Whilst I was still married, I sold articles, translated and gave English lessons. I also had a job where I only had to turn up Tuesday afternoons (took son with me) to hand in my work I had done during the rest of the week (i.e. whilst he was sleeping).
    I even did some cleaning.
    After divorce, I did anything whilst they were at nursery, so that I had the afternoons free for them.
    You always, really, do find a way, whichever route you choose and you need to choose whichever option is best for you own family dynamics.
    However, I am saying this because you want to stay at home. I would support you as well if you didn't want to.
    We are all different. I would go daft if stuck at home now. But my kids are older.
    So, if you want to be a SAHM for a while - be one. But be a proper one and do it with heart and soul [​IMG]

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