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Problems with food - Sorry I keep posting

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by randomgirly, May 20, 2011.

  1. Sorry I know I keep posting new threads but I need to get this out. If no one wants to reply please feel free to ignore me.
    I know that there is something wrong with me when it comes to food although the Dr hasn't diagnosed anything (I don't fit into the bulimia or anarexia criteria and still get my periods).

    I go to the supermarket regualrly and have cupboards full of food and still buy more, I don't want to eat it and generally don't but when I do I feel sickened with my self and disgusted that I gave in to the urge to eat.

    Yesterday I had scrambled egg with bacon and cheese on toast and some chips and totally hated myself afterwards, so much so that I took four laxatives to purge my system. I almost wish I could be sick but I have no gag reflex.

    I hate it when I eat, I hate how I feel about my body, no matter how much weight I lose I never lose enough. I am currently at 52.7 kilos at 5ft7 and think I look fat and have lumps and bumps in all the wrong places. Nothing I wear looks good on me, it all just makes me look worse.

    I don't understand why I eat when it makes me feel so disgusting, I don't understand why I go and buy food in the supermarket when I don't want to eat it. Yesterday I made a load of cakes and they will likely go in the bin as I won't eat any of them.

    Can someone please explain this to me before I lose my mind.

     
  2. Sorry I know I keep posting new threads but I need to get this out. If no one wants to reply please feel free to ignore me.
    I know that there is something wrong with me when it comes to food although the Dr hasn't diagnosed anything (I don't fit into the bulimia or anarexia criteria and still get my periods).

    I go to the supermarket regualrly and have cupboards full of food and still buy more, I don't want to eat it and generally don't but when I do I feel sickened with my self and disgusted that I gave in to the urge to eat.

    Yesterday I had scrambled egg with bacon and cheese on toast and some chips and totally hated myself afterwards, so much so that I took four laxatives to purge my system. I almost wish I could be sick but I have no gag reflex.

    I hate it when I eat, I hate how I feel about my body, no matter how much weight I lose I never lose enough. I am currently at 52.7 kilos at 5ft7 and think I look fat and have lumps and bumps in all the wrong places. Nothing I wear looks good on me, it all just makes me look worse.

    I don't understand why I eat when it makes me feel so disgusting, I don't understand why I go and buy food in the supermarket when I don't want to eat it. Yesterday I made a load of cakes and they will likely go in the bin as I won't eat any of them.

    Can someone please explain this to me before I lose my mind.

     
  3. Go to a different doctor. From a layperson's perspective, you really do sound as if you have an eating disorder.
    I'm about your height. I weigh 75kg (I'm female). Heavier end of ok, but I carry a lot of muscle. You sound incredibly underweight.
    Please get help. Keep badgering doctors till they listen to you. Try http://www.b-eat.co.uk/Home

     
  4. You say you don't fix the anorexia or bullemia categories but these contain within them different sub-categories of eating disorders. Your eating habits seem worrying but you have admitted they are abnormal and that it the first step in changing things.
    Please try and see a different doctor and if necessary ask for a referral to a specialist - your current doctor might be having difficulties because you don't fit the 'typical' behaviours and symptoms. Not everyone with an eating disorder gets severly underweight or has their periods stop, it doesn't make them any less in need of professional help.
    I really hope you get to see someone who can help, you seem to have so much to deal with at the moment without unhelpful doctors holding you back.
     
  5. Thank you both for your replies.
    My Dr is usually really good but I do think somethings get lost in translation (i don't live in the UK). I do need to go and see him again soon as I am running out of my AD's and Sleeping Pills and need to get a repeat prescription so I will bring it up with him then. Hopefully in a way that I can get my point across, if not then I need to find another english speaking Dr and see if they will listen.
    I lost a lot of wieght last time i was off work with Depression but not as much as this (I went from a size 16 to a size 12) and I didn't have this issue with hating myself or my body or food this much.
    What scares me as well is that I feel proud of myself when I have eaten nothing more then a yoghurt or a half a sandwich all day. I know rationally this is not good but I makes me feel in control of myself.
    I am supposed to go back to work on Monday and I know that I am not going to be able to avoid lunchtime in the Staff Room as my classroom is now being used as the exam room. Not eating will not ba an option and that scares the hell out of me (along with being in the staffroom itself with everyone).
     
  6. ROSIEGIRL

    ROSIEGIRL Established commenter

    The label 'Eating Disorder' covers a wide range of difficulties - from what you describe you do have disordered eating, at least..
    Your health is already suffering and it will get worse. Please seek some expert help and support, soon.
     
  7. Thank you for your Reply Rosiegirl
    I have been keeping a food and weight diary, as well as a journal. I am going to take that with me to my next Dr's apointment.
    I hope that if it is written down it will be easier for him to understand. I am going to speak to the School Nurse about a psychotherapist and the fact I am too scared to call for an appointment. I did call 4 but none of them were taking new clients.
     
  8. I don't think it's so much a matter of what you eat as how you feel about eating it. Make sure the doctor is aware of the self-disgust and guilt surrounding your eating.
     
  9. I am going to speak to the School Nurse about a psychotherapist and the fact I am too scared to call for an appointment. I did call 4 but none of them were taking new clients.
    I know how scared you feel at calling for an appointment - I have the same problem with dentists - but you have tried calling four already and that is brilliant. Don't give up - get the school nurse to make the appointment for you if needs be. You will feel better once it's done. Good luck. C x
     
  10. Thanks Cosmos
    I I am honest I think that may be the only way that I am going to get an appointment now. I just can't bring myself to ring anymore psychotherapists, even on a good day.
    That and I am petrified of going as well.
     
  11. From what you write you do (most probably anorexia with purging subtype). The fact that you still have your period does not mean you are not anorexic.
    Check out the Something Fishy website, lost of support and good resources there.
     
  12. Thanks Spool
    I will check out that website.
    I made the mistake that I went out drinking today (hienken cup final) fell over when playing with a 5 year old. Mother was fine but still felt bad. no friends are going out tonight so another night in sitting alone with wine.

    Trying not to think about going to work monday. I was so ready to prepare this morning but not so sure now.

     
  13. Hi Randongirly, like others I would agree that it sounds as if you have some sort of disorder with food, to be honest it sounds like you're recognising that anyway which is at least a good sign. Are the AD's or sleeping pills you are taking new ones? Just wondering if you've changed medication recently as that might have side effects, although I would imagine that they would be more about not having an appetite rather than what you describe with the loathing side of things. Definitely get yourself back to the doc, at 52kg you must be underweight (i'm an inch taller than you and over a stone heavier but a size 8 so i'm guessing you're coming in around a 6?), i'm surprised the doc isn't taking it a bit more eriously if you've been as open with him as you have on here. Good luck to you.
     
  14. Thanks Jenny
    I am still in a size 10 not anythig smaller, 8's i find a little tight and showing far too much in the sense of lumps and bumps in the wrong places.

    I have been put on new medication and my Dr has also put me on appitite inducers but they made me feel sick so I was told to stop taking them. The next lot I am taking is better but don't induce my appitite at all.
    I talked to a couple of friends and they are just like "put it in your mouth and eat!" which sounds so simple but isn't. My Dr's appointment is not next week but the week after, I have a letter amost that I am going to take with me to hopefully get the issue across.
     
  15. We all have lumps and bumps in the wrong places :) Your issue sounds psychological, i'm no doctor or psychologist but I have worked with a lot of dancers in my career and have come across similar problems many times - although in a lot of instances theirs came about through pressure. Sounds to me like you need a referral to a specialist, the quicker you get that the better. Like I said, at the moment you're talking openly about it and recognising it's a problem, i'd be quite insistent at the doctors when you go this time. Do bear in mind though RG that most of the time the reason for eating disorders is more commonly an underlying psychological problem and is used as a coping mechanism for this, depression is one of the common ones, stress and anxiety would be others. If you're depressed it may be that this is a rather unfortunate by product of it. Are you seeing a counsellor/emotional awareness advisor/OH for any support related to the depression or are you just being given AD's from the doc?
     
  16. Because I am not in the UK Jenny I don't get refferal all I get is a few numbers to all to arange an appointment myself.
    I have tried 4 different psychotherapsits but none of them are taking any new clients, I have two other numbers to try but i haven;t got the courage to call them yet. Really scared to do it!
    I have been given AD's, Sleeping pills and appitite inducers among many other drugs but the appitite inducers don't seem to be working at all. The first lot made me sick, the new lot just don't seem to be working at all.
    I need to be more forceful in what i say to the Dr but it makes me feel so self centered :eek:/
     
  17. I see. Well you're not being self centered in the slightest, why shouldn't you have the help? Take the plunge and call the psychotherapists, you must have managed to call the other 4 to find out they were full so you just need to dig deep a couple more times. It is really important that you get the help as soon as possible, the longer you leave it, the more the lack of eating will take it's toll. It may be scary but you know you're doing the right thing. Have you got someone who is bolshy enough to successfully nag you until you've made the calls and arranged appointments? I always use a good friend of mine to make me do things I know I need to do but that i'll try and ignore. He gives me such a hard time about it and will nag me incessantly so if I have a situation I need dealing with I always tell him so I know i'll get it sorted.
     
  18. Thank you Jenny
    I do have someone like that, one of my friends in school. When I go back to work tomorrow she is going to start nagging and I am going to talk to the School Nurse as well as she may have some other contacts.
     
  19. This is all excellent news, I wish you all the best, keep us posted of how its going :)
     
  20. This is definately an eating disorder...I had it. Need to have food around you but mustn't eat it and purge it if you do. If you want to talk you can find me at http://mhsanctuary.freeforums.org. You'll find lots of support and advice from other members too.
     

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