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problem child/parent...... advise please???

Discussion in 'Early Years' started by timetogetup, Mar 2, 2011.

  1. Hi everyone,
    I have a problem with a child (child A) in my class who gets into a lot of physical arguements with one particular child who has special needs (child B). Sometimes child A provokes child B and child A will end up getting hurt on other occasions child A just seems to be the target pof child B's agression (due to special need) The parents of child A is very stroppy and has been to see me twice saying that her chil is getting picked on and she asks me to keep a particular eye on him, my response has always been that i will keep an eye on him like i do ALL the children in my class. There have been a few occasions when child A has ben seen to be very agressive with other children and the parent has been informed, her reponse was 'well what do you expect, if he gets hurt at school, he will hurt other people'. . The parents has been to see me, and i explained that child B has special needs which are being dealt with and that i do try to keep them away from one another but unfortunatly it is not always possible, plus these children naturally seem to gravitate towards each other. the parent has also been to see the head to express her concerns, the head echoed what i said by explining that child B has needs that are being dealt with and that the class teacher etc try their best to keep these children apart. she was still not happy with this.

    today again there was a incident in which child A bundles child B during playtime and child B bit child A, both sets of parents were informed but child A is very unhappy, unfortunatly i was out of class on PPA and my TA was left to tell the parent, she had to meet with the parent and said she is not at all happy. I am sure she will want to speak to me tomorrow again! Does anyone have any ideas of what they would say to the parent in responce to these concerns?????
     
  2. Hi everyone,
    I have a problem with a child (child A) in my class who gets into a lot of physical arguements with one particular child who has special needs (child B). Sometimes child A provokes child B and child A will end up getting hurt on other occasions child A just seems to be the target pof child B's agression (due to special need) The parents of child A is very stroppy and has been to see me twice saying that her chil is getting picked on and she asks me to keep a particular eye on him, my response has always been that i will keep an eye on him like i do ALL the children in my class. There have been a few occasions when child A has ben seen to be very agressive with other children and the parent has been informed, her reponse was 'well what do you expect, if he gets hurt at school, he will hurt other people'. . The parents has been to see me, and i explained that child B has special needs which are being dealt with and that i do try to keep them away from one another but unfortunatly it is not always possible, plus these children naturally seem to gravitate towards each other. the parent has also been to see the head to express her concerns, the head echoed what i said by explining that child B has needs that are being dealt with and that the class teacher etc try their best to keep these children apart. she was still not happy with this.

    today again there was a incident in which child A bundles child B during playtime and child B bit child A, both sets of parents were informed but child A is very unhappy, unfortunatly i was out of class on PPA and my TA was left to tell the parent, she had to meet with the parent and said she is not at all happy. I am sure she will want to speak to me tomorrow again! Does anyone have any ideas of what they would say to the parent in responce to these concerns?????
     
  3. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    This won't help but my youngest child, in frustration and I think tormented, used to bite older siblings. In the end I said
    " Do not get yourself bitten" to them.
    Child A must stay away from child B unless he is being kind and friendly - or he will get bitten!
    Or as is sometimes said "What goes around comes around".
     
  4. Ouch! Sounds like you have a tricky one here. But you are lucky as your Head is supporting you.
    Is there any mileage to be gained in trying to get Child A's parent onside? Appeal to their better nature - I'm sure it's there somewhere! I'm thinking of the line "How would you feel if your child had the special need and was being spoken about like this by other parents?"
    Would it be possible for Child A's parent to spend some time in your class - an hour or so once or twice a week? Initially Child A would be an angel as the parent was in class, but children can't keep that up forever and would soon resort to their normal behaviour at which point the parent would see what is really going on.
    It is tricky, I had a parent a couple of years ago who used to announce to every other parent waiting that her child "had another bumped head, what on earth is going on in that room" or some such comment. Funnily enough, she never announced the bits when her child had locked another in the toilet.
    How are Child B's parents with all this? Are they aware?
    The other route perhaps is that with Child B's needs, is it something you can address with the whole class? I'm thinking if it is a need such as Autism, Downs etc - there are some lovely books on the market aimed at explaining these differences to young children.
    Good luck!
     
  5. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    Gosh that is tricky one. I'm sorry I have no experience in this area but my gut reaction says there should be a specialist teacher somewhere in the LEA who should be able to help you out with some good tricks here.
    In the first instance, you need to keep the parents of child A happy and on board in the meantime. I wonder if you could take on board the suggestions made above, but maybe also be really candid with parent A and say that you really appreciate their child making friends with child B, and although it might seem to parent A that this friendship is not benefitting child A at the moment you are getting some guidance from an external specialist in this area and that from your initial research the benefits for child A could be xxxxx if the friendship can be improved?
    Maybe you could explain how social skills are so very useful, and that if child A is able to master how to be friendly with "difficult" child B (not the best wording I know) this is a great talent that not many people have, and is a skill that will be transferable to lots of different situations throughout life. Also, longer term if child A and child B interact well, ultimately child B will interact better with the rest of the class and the "burden" will lift from child A.
    I would think that a lot of role play and thinking is going to be involved for child A in order to get some insight into the situation and to be able to resist doing things that trigger undesirable behaviours in child B.
    I do hope you can quickly get in some kind of expert in this area, as it seems a shame to lose a potential friendship and means of including child B in his peer group in a meaningful way.
    Have you tried posting this somewhere in a special needs forum?
     
  6. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    I wouldn't bank on that, in my experience this sort of behaviour is often worse with the parent there.
     
  7. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    My expereince has been, infuriatingly, the opposite of that.
     
  8. mystery10

    mystery10 Occasional commenter

    But that's fine isn't it, because OP wants the parent A to see child A at their least angelic. The more likely scenario is that parent A will not play ball and will not volunteer. They sound either impatient and lacking in understanding, or the type for whom only perfection in playmates will do. It has already been explained to them that child B has special needs. I would like to think that an intelligent and helpful parent would be understanding of this and try to inculcate a little more tolerance in their child if they could. Difficult I know at this age, but then it's a lot of what reception is about.
     

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