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Pressurising parents!

Discussion in 'Private tutors' started by theroom786, Apr 26, 2018.

  1. theroom786

    theroom786 New commenter

    Iam a tutor who was a teacher but left teaching and I'm a tutor since last August. Iam fuming currently because of a parent. I teach Maths GCSE and I have been tutoring a girl in Year 11 since October 2017 weekly for 1.5 hours. When I started with her, she was extremely weak in maths so much so that she couldn't add or subtract properly and that too very easy sums. Now, I have brought her to the point that she is able to do algebra. The issue is firstly I have been telling the mother that her daughter might have some learning difficulties and needs to get it checked ,as she is far below average in her learning and understanding and I also have sensed she might be dsylexic. But iam not a professional and the parents still haven't gotten it checked. Her cousins I teach too and a few of them are autistic.

    Anyhow, the student is extremely demotivated in her studies. I have tried almost EVERYTHING. Alot of times she has not done her homework and I have given her more homework as a consequence and complained to the parents. She has improved alot but still not to the level of a student who is having her GCSEs in 20 days. Also,Alot of times the mother has cancelled lessons at very short notice that her daughter is sick but after I reinforced a strict cancellation policy they have become better.

    The mother sits for 10 minutes almost after every lesson and asks how she is doing and firstly takes up extra time and I don't end lesson early as I feel guilty that the child will miss her lesson. Moreover , I have been telling the mother, the same thing since the start ,that her daughter will fail if she doesn't revise and do her homework. Also they pay me only £22 per hour but act and remind me almost every week how the mom is getting her tuition only because she doesnt have time.

    Since the last 2-3 lessons her mother has started saying things like ''' Oh you are still doing this topic?' . 'Dont you do past papers?' . Today she said that ' We knew a very good teacher but he was a male so as my daughter wouldn't be comfortable with him, we kept you' and she has said this 2 times before too and also today that , ' Oh you are such a qualified and good teacher so if she fails it will impact you'

    I told her that if 97% of my students are scoring very good marks , my reputation won't be marred so she shouldn't worry . After every lesson I have to tell her that I'm putting my 110% effort and I cannot do more. Then I was so angry, I called her and said that if her daughter doesn't do her homework this week, please tell me so I won't bother coming and to sit down and talk to her why she doesnot study.

    The thing is iam pregnant and already having family issues and stress and don't have energy to deal with unnecessary pressure and **** for no reason!. I cannot force her daughter to study! I have given her rewards, had talks with her and gone WAY beyond what a normal tutor does alot of times.

    . Any tips on what to do as the student has her exams coming up in 20 days but the mother is REALLY getting on my nerves! Also, it is demotivating to be putting in so much effort and the student hardly cares.

    P.S: Sorry for the rant but need advice.

    Thankyou :)
  2. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    Explain that as they (neither student nor mother) are following your advice, you can do no more to help.
    theroom786 and bonxie like this.
  3. theluckycat

    theluckycat Occasional commenter

    Make some excuses and drop this tutee, you don’t need this much hassle. It’s lots of factors so you are entirely justified in doing this.
    saluki and theroom786 like this.
  4. langteacher

    langteacher Occasional commenter

    In your situation I would simply say that your advice is not being followed and as a result progress is not being made so you won't be continuing tuition
    theroom786 likes this.
  5. David Getling

    David Getling Senior commenter

    I expect to enjoy giving tuition, or at the very least not feel put out by it. Students or parents who incur my displeasure get dropped without hesitation or remorse.
    theroom786 and sparkleghirl like this.
  6. gainly

    gainly Established commenter

    I agree with the above replies. As it is so near the exams there is little more you can do, even if they did suddenly decide to follow your advice. Best to say you can do no more as they refuse to follow your advice and drop them.
    theroom786 likes this.
  7. tsarina

    tsarina Occasional commenter

    Is the mother at wits end and doesn't know what to do and therefore ends up stressing you as a way of dealing with her anxieties about her daughter? Or is the mother a nasty manipulative women who is going to malign your character when her daughter fails?

    either way you should probably ring the parent and say " i'm very sorry but due to family circumstances I can no longer tutor your child." then some guff about how lovely it has been working with them and then hang up.

    your health comes first.
    theroom786 likes this.
  8. theluckycat

    theluckycat Occasional commenter

    I always make something up (after a few chances have been given!). Always best to keep on good terms.
    theroom786 likes this.
  9. humbug

    humbug New commenter

    I've had to drop a few students this year as it just wasn't working. Each case had specific reasons, but at the end of the day it should run smoothly.

    It has helped for me to specify in my mind exactly why I don't want to teach them anymore. Occasionally, at that point, you then find you can change the arrangement slightly or do something slightly differently, and it will work. But it sounds as if you have done that, and perhaps writing here helped the process.

    Then, once you know the reason, you need to see how that would sound to the parent. If there is any element of blame or disappointment, they may well get hostile, so although I hate being dishonest, and don't like people hiding issues from me either, the best policy is to make a feasible excuse. Suspecting it may be there fault, they probably won't want to push you for more details!

    So good luck with this.
    theroom786, tsarina and theluckycat like this.
  10. theroom786

    theroom786 New commenter

    Thankyou SO MUCH for all your replies! It has REALLY helped me understand how to deal with difficult parents and students.i have realized that the mother just likes dumping her stress on me and that as I only have 2 lessons to go, I will just suck it up for now as they won't be able to find a tutor in such a short time. However,I will NOT be spending time after the lesson with the mom and just make my way. I have done my very best and I cannot do anymore.

    Also, I have come across a new student who is extremely rude so I'm following your advice not to put up with students who put you off or effect your energy. So, from now on without remorse I will be dropping those who are way too cumbersome. Thankyou for your input everyone, this is a great community. God bless! :)
    tsarina likes this.
  11. langteacher

    langteacher Occasional commenter

    This is good to hear.

    The more students you have, the less you are bothered about losing one as you know the gap will soon be filled. The less you are bothered about losing one, the less **** you put up with and the smoother things run!!
    theroom786, sabrinakat and doctoryes like this.
  12. theluckycat

    theluckycat Occasional commenter

    It is very much a two-way street. I tried to re-arrange a tutee for a couple of Friday evenings as I was lacking childcare on other days, agreed it, and she then bailed out of both lessons at short notice. Now she’s trying to book in again but I’ve had enough of losing my Friday nights, and I am condensing my tutees in 3 evenings a week, and unfortunately I don’t have a slot for her at the moment. A question of give and take I think, and pushing back I think.
    theroom786 and doctoryes like this.
  13. David Getling

    David Getling Senior commenter

    Nicely put.
    theroom786 likes this.
  14. doctoryes

    doctoryes Occasional commenter

    If a tutee is making good progress and working hard during the lessons, then I am prepared to put up with an awkward/pushy parent. However it sounds as if you have the worst of both worlds here as there are difficulties with both parent and tutee. Keeping going up to the exams sounds fair in the circumstances as the daughter does definitely need help.
    I would try to make sure that you don't end up in this type of situation in future.
    theroom786 likes this.
  15. theroom786

    theroom786 New commenter

    lol that is very well put :) I thankfully have enough students currently and i am fully booked up. I think i am sometimes way too nice and some people just take that forgranted. So i have learned it the tough way : donot put up with **** and set boundaries!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2018
  16. theroom786

    theroom786 New commenter

    Yes definately! Especially since i have recently started just in September last year so now i am coming across all sorts of people and gaining experience. To be honest, i have had some really nice tutees. It just some bad fish in the water that one needs to let go soon for peace of mind ;)
    Lesson learned lol

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