1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded education professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

Please help?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by perky_panda, Jun 21, 2011.

  1. I have never really had a boyfriend or anything so joined match.com. Went on my second date with this guy last night, was ok but didn't feel anything but we did get on so I was thinking that I probably wouldn't go out again. Anyway today he text to say he had something he wanted to say last night but couldn't so he said he would do it by text as it was easier. Turns out he has just been told he has cancer. Now how do I respond? I don't particularly want to go out again but at the same time don't want to make things worse for him, but don't want to lead him on. Argh! any advice?
     
  2. I have never really had a boyfriend or anything so joined match.com. Went on my second date with this guy last night, was ok but didn't feel anything but we did get on so I was thinking that I probably wouldn't go out again. Anyway today he text to say he had something he wanted to say last night but couldn't so he said he would do it by text as it was easier. Turns out he has just been told he has cancer. Now how do I respond? I don't particularly want to go out again but at the same time don't want to make things worse for him, but don't want to lead him on. Argh! any advice?
     
  3. Phone him up, say you are sorry that he's ill, wish him all the best but make it clear that you don't want to go out with him again. I don't see why having cancer means it's OK to tell him lies...
     
  4. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Tell him you need to let him down gently as you're not feeling any chemistry, and you want him to put all his energy into getting well. Wish him luck and say goodbye.
     
  5. This may sound harsh, but supporting someone with cancer is not always easy, even if you are close to them.
    It is certainly not something you should be drawn in to do for someone you hardly know.
    Ring him, preferably, or if you can't face that, at least text him and say that you are very sorry to hear of his illness. But make sure you say that you see no future relationshipwise and wish him well for the future.
    Then leave it.
    You have to be tough and look at it from two angles. The one I mentioned above (you hardly know him, you cannot support him through this).
    Or - he could be pulling a needy ploy and not be ill at all.
    You have no way of knowing, but either way is going to be a drain on your energy for someone you hardly know and don't actually want to get to know better.
    So be decent, friendly - but consequent and precise.
    If he continues to bombard you with texts, delete, delete, delete.
    But do the decent thing and let him know.
     
  6. Cervinia

    Cervinia Occasional commenter

    Awkward situation, no doubt. But unless you plan to spend any more time with him (out of sympathy), you would risk leading him on when he is weak/needy.
    It's a shame that he may think you've f------ him off because he's got C, but that's life.
     
  7. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I think text is the last method on Earth that I'd use to tell anyone I'd got Cancer, especially someone I hardly knew. Regardless of his unfortunate situation you've got to question his judgement on that basis alone.
     
  8. See my tentative suggestion that it could be a needy ploy.
    It may not be, but I would be wary.

     
  9. I thought it might be a bit odd/suss but then I am quite cynical. I replied saying that I wished him well but expected he would want to put his energy into getting better, he then replied and I said that I thought it wasn't the right time for either of us and that maybe we could keep in contact as friends. He just replied saying ok so think he got the message. I know I did the right thing just didn't know how to do it, very awkward situation
     

Share This Page