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Please help-PTSD/Depression rock bottom

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Lunalady, Mar 16, 2019.

  1. Lunalady

    Lunalady New commenter

    Ok....this may Be long......

    so long and short of it is that I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from a great number of traumatic events in my life over the years including in one year my dad went to prison, I had a miscarriage and my nephew passed away suddenly aged 5.....then when I was pregnant with my second child not so long ago my husband got viral meningitis I was 6months pregnant and then was made redundant 2 days before I gave birth. I suffered from Post natal depression bu
  2. Lunalady

    Lunalady New commenter

    .......ok so im going to start again because my post did not seem to have my whole message on it.

    As well as the events outlined above, I suffered with post natal depression with both my children, I thought I had dealt with it by myself, but maybe not as well as I could have, if at all.

    So, as i started to write above, I believe i am suffering from PTSD/depression/anxiety due to a number of extremely stressful events in my life that have built up over time, despite my best efforts to deal with them...counselling etc. Yesterday I broke...pretty sure I've had a nervous breakdown. I went to a very dark place in my mind.

    On top of some of the traumatic events in my personal life that I have tried to sum up above (tip of the iceberg what I have written), on return to work after maternity leave I feel I was subjected to an incident of bullying from a member of staff within the first month and half after I was just doing my job and safeguarding a young person. I was then embroiled in a situation that led me to be in a very difficult position with a student that lead to me receiving violent threats. This situation i was placed in, I have never had any conversation with SLT about how I am feeling, how it affected me, no apologies for being placed in that situation due to decisions that were made etc....nothing.

    I work in a very difficult environment with a lot of high needs young people and quite a tricky age group. I have had some time off (12 days on 3 separate occasions in 3 months) due to a separate physical health issue that I have been referred to a consultant with and am awaiting an appointment. This led me to go to stage 1 on absence procedure. I have not had any time off sick since January, but I have had to take two days unpaid leave to look after family members.

    I am desperate to get better, i am a mum of two who enjoys the work I do, but I am mentally not well at all. I m not working to the best I can be and I am certainly not parenting as well as I can be. I am utterly exhausted. I was prescribed antidepressants and anti anxiety meds a week ago when I went to the docs to discuss that I was having weekly panic attacks, and most nights literally trembling with anxiety....but then each morning I get up, put my game face on and go to work and pretend I am ok. The other week it started to crumble when my daughter was poorly and i couldn't look after her as I am under pressure to be in work and a student was in a particularly tricky place and verbally abused me threatened to punch me in the face, I broke and cried....

    I feel i need a number of months to fully recover from what I can only call a mental breakdown. I want to access proper psychotherapy not just counselling, have the medication I have been prescribed recently (i have been delaying starting it as i have wanted to look into the effects). I am absolutely terrified of calling in sick, feel guilty for the impact my absence is going to have and the affect it is going to have on my reputation.

    I am happy to speak to Occupational Health straight away to discuss everything that has happened in my personal life and my recent professional life also. Do you think I should get union representation? I'm tempted to get my husband to call in for me and speak to the head because I am just not strong enough to do so.

    Any advice is welcome.
  3. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    I think you need to go back to the doctor and discuss what options are available in your area.
    You certainly need to take what has been prescribed, but there are probably other talking therapy options as well.

    A lot of what you post appears to be self diagnosis, which is not helpful and will add to your worries. Go back to the doctor and take their advice.

    As someone once said to me, your school will be better off if you have three months off now and return to full strength, rather than carry on at fifty percent for the next five years.
  4. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    1) Back to the doctor - it sounds like you need signing off at least in the short term. Did they suggest signing you off? If you resisted that because you feel under pressure not to be absent, please put yourself first and take the doctor's advice. If they didn't suggest signing you off, is it because you underplayed the systems.
    Take the meds and give them a chance to work; if you're really not happy about taking them, talk to the doctor about it so that they can advise you - they may be able to reassure you or prescribe an alternative. They can't help you effectively if they're prescribing stuff and you're just not taking them.

    2) If you are not happy calling in to say that you've been signed off, then yes, get your husband to do that. If the school doesn't like that, ask your union to do it.

    I think following your own doctor's advice needs to come before the OH referral.
  5. mothergoose2013

    mothergoose2013 Occasional commenter

    Prioritising yourself is the only way to prevent your situation spiraling downward. We can only be strong for so long and 'soldiering on' can do long term damage. I would say taking the advice given by @caterpillartobutterfly is the best thing you can do for yourself, your kids, and your school.
    Go easy on yourself and try to slow down xxx
    agathamorse likes this.
  6. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    Your reputation? If any of us dropped dead tomorrow do you think work would remember us a month from now? I don't.

    The impact of your absence? Why did God invent supply teachers then? They need the work.

    Terror? Terror is for when you're trapped in a cave by a rampaging grizzly bear.

    In short. You're not thinking straight. You know this. Call in sick. Take or don't take the tablets.

    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
    Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/unknown_133991

    You keep doing more of the same? Where's it going to get you? Come on. Call in now. This minute. You are ill. Give them time to sort cover. Get it done. It's the only way. If you can't do it? Then ask your husband to do it. Fine. No union needed at this stage unless you feel you're being bullied.
  7. yodaami2

    yodaami2 Lead commenter

    What grumpy said! X10
  8. ulearntoo

    ulearntoo New commenter

  9. Lunalady

    Lunalady New commenter

    Thankyou all for taking time out to read my post and your honest yet occasionally brutal replies.

    I told my manager and she was very supportive, it’s just a matter of how long will I get signed off for....

    This is the beginning of my journey from the bottom of the hole.
  10. veneris

    veneris New commenter

    Go straight back to the GP. You do not sound well enough to be in work. You need to get well. Nothing else matters. There are people paid in your school to lead it and sort out ensuring the kids are provided for in your absence so don’t give it another thought - guilt will not help you get well.
    I hope you are able to feel some improvement soon, but you’re right - it will take time for full recovery and that’s okay. Everyone at work will cope. Prioritise yourself and your family.
  11. mothorchid

    mothorchid Star commenter

    I didn't want to read and run.
    You've had a dreadful few years, but maybe now things will lift. I wish you calmer seas ahead.
    I agree that union is probably not necessary at this stage, but for goodness' sake, make sure you're in one. Today. Because they might well be necessary in the future.

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