This could be long. I will try to be brief. I've been the head of my school since April. Prior to this I was a loyal assistant head for many years to a head who was extremely well regarded by the whole school community. She was also the head at the school for many, many years. It has always been a successful school although we have had to work extremely hard to get the children where they need to be. We scraped though previous Ofsted inspections. A great deal of expectation was on me to take up the Headship. Against my inner instinct , I applied and got it. Sadly I now know that this was a huge mistake. To be frank, I have hated every single day in my new role. I'm feel that I am rubbish. I am working 14 hour days and not even touching what I know needs to be done. The day to day running of the school means I can't even get near the catch up stuff that clearly needs to be done to ensure current expectations and systems are as they should be. Many, many policies are outdated, systems archaic and staff organisation is bizarre to say the least in terms of both contracts and their roles. I am bouncing about from one issue to the next without any clear direction as each job is too huge to tackle. Most of my daily routine is taken up with safeguarding issues or pupil welfare. Therefore feel I'm not doing justice to anything. Budget is tight and I do not have the key personnel to support. I do not have broad shoulders. I take every slight issue or problem personally and I dwell on it. Governors are willing but time short. I now spend every holiday or spare moment desperately trying to find and think of a way out. I only sleep for snatched 1 hour intervals and always wake up worrying about Ofsted etc . I constantly have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have funny fluttering feelings in my chest. I regularly burst into tears both behind closed doors at school and at home. I have a family suffering from my low mood and anxiety. In truth I hardly see them during the week anyway. I am losing touch with friends as I never get the chance to see them. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I know I need to get out of this for the sake of my sanity and BEFORE the school suffers. Positives - fabulous , well behaved children and teachers who work hard and do their very best. I try to put on a positive facade so that they are not affected. I don't want to sound moany I know that the biggest mistake I made was applying for this role in the first place. If only I could turn back time, but I can't. i don't want to sound ' woe is me ' as I know the predicament I'm in is my fault. But what now? I absolutely know that someone out there would do a much better job than me I feel like it would be in the best interest to absolutely everyone if I was to leave. However I know this is not allowed and notice needs to be given. I'm just not sure if I can even handle it until the end of the Summer. Also, I worry that me leaving would give yet more unrest to the school as they are only just getting used to a different head as it is. I fear too for the staff in this situation. The pressures on them with the raised end of year expectations is large in itself.