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Please can someone tell me a joke as I am feeling miserable :( ?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by welshchocoholic1, Apr 29, 2012.

  1. welshchocoholic1

    welshchocoholic1 Senior commenter

    I'm feeling a bit [​IMG]?
     
  2. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    What's red and invisible?
    No tomatoes!
    Boom boom!
    I'll get my coat! Hope you're ok welshie. Care to share a tale of woe or two?
     
  3. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

  4. What is wrong? Is it Sunday blues? I sometimes get these really badly [​IMG]
     
  5. Giraffe, we clearly are on the same wavelength!
     
  6. welshchocoholic1

    welshchocoholic1 Senior commenter

    Haha Clear air - that was terrible [​IMG]!
    Giraffe, I loved some of those jokes - forgot that they used to be on lolly sticks.
    Sunday blues - a bit I suppose.
     
  7. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    [​IMG]
     
  8. welshchocoholic1

    welshchocoholic1 Senior commenter

    OK,
    Teacher: I told you to stand at the back of the line!
    Pupil: I tried to, but there was already someone there.
    Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm going deaf
    Dr: What are the symptoms?
    Patient: An American Cartoon
    [​IMG]
     
  9. Cestrian

    Cestrian New commenter

    Lolly stick jokes are the best!
    What do you call a man with a bag on his head?
    Russell.
    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
    Cliff.
     
  10. rararasputin

    rararasputin Occasional commenter

    What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
    Doug.
    What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
    Douglas.
     
  11. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    What do you call a woman with no arms in a crowd?

    Jocelyne
     
  12. kittylion

    kittylion Established commenter

    Oi - Cestrian and Rarasputin have nicked my head jokes from the other thread

    Cheeky sweeps! ;)
     
  13. Prince Charles must have upset the Mafia. He wakes up every morning with a horse's head on his pillow.

     
  14. It's the day of Prince Charles's wedding. He and Camilla are having a good time, but beneath the smiles and celebrations, Camilla appears
    to be in pain. Charles notices and asks her what's wrong.



    "it's these shoes", she says, "I'm sure they sent me the wrong ones. They must be at least 2 sizes two small!"



    "Never mind", he replies, "The reception will be over soon and we can head back to our room and take them off".



    After the guests have
    gone, Charles and Camilla make their way towards their bedroom, not knowing that they have been followed by the rest of the royal family,
    who press their ears against the door for a good listen.



    Camilla collapses on the bed and Charles, looking at her shoes, says
    "Right! you've waited long enough - let's get these off straight away"



    There are about 5 minutes of grunting and moaning, followed by a loud sigh of relief from Charles.



    "Bloody hell! That was tight!", exlaims Charles.



    Outside the door, the Queen whispers to Prince Philip. "See! I told you she was still a virgin with a face like that!"



    Back inside, Charles looks at the other shoe.

    "Right! Now let's have a go at the other one."



    5 more minutes of grunting and moaning , followed by another loud
    groan from Camilla. "Christ! That was even tighter!", says Charles.



    "That's my boy!", whispers Prince Philip with a tear in his eye, "Once a sailor, always a sailor!"

     
  15. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Q. What's Rupert The Bear's middle name?
    A. The
     
  16. Q: What's white and wears checked trousers?
    A: Rupert The Fridge
    And if all else fail, try this:
    [​IMG]
    G'wan - admit it, you're smiling now, aren't you? :)
     
  17. heck, this is mean. What makes me laugh might make you feel miserable.
    This always makes me laugh. I have it on my desk, to make me catch breath after meetings with loads of men who never make decisions...
    [​IMG]
     
  18. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    Q. How do Glaswegians tell the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

    A. Bing sings, Walt disnae.
     
  19. modelmaker

    modelmaker Occasional commenter

    Go on then. I'll give it a shot.

     
  20. Well?! I am shivering with anticipation!
     

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