I really don't think I can do this anymore. I'm back on the 'support' plan. I'm not good enough anymore (nothing has changed in me and my teaching (but they'll probably say that's the problem - I should have changed for the better :-s). I'm being supported. It's not capability. Not yet. It's difficult to explain. Little by little, my confidence has been eroded. To begin with, I thought it was all a joke (not in a funny way). I knew I was good, I knew I could do the job. But slowly, slowly self- doubt has crept in. What if they are right? I've taught some of my best lessons and they have been found inadequate or RI. If that's true, then there's no way I should be allowed to teach. They can't be right. Can they? I've taught for a long time. How often has UPS3 been described as a target? It feels like it now. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's me. Maybe I can't teach well enough. Every little thing that I do or happens in my class that can be picked up on negatively is (yet other teachers who are in favour do the same and it goes unnoticed or ignored). I've just had yet another lesson observation where the tiniest thing has put me in RI (I wholeheartedly disagree with the comment and have said so, but obviously my opinion is wrong and the head is right). I am only part time, yet I spend most of the week dreading going to work again. My heart pounds when I log on to my email for fear of what I will find. I dread going to work and I have cried on my way home more times than I can remember. I am comfort eating again. My hands are tied in front of the class. I really can't go into too much detail, there are some serious issues within the class which have been the same throughout the school. This year, nothing has changed, yet I am left explaining why the issues within my class are happening and I am being told that I can't cope. Sorry for being vague, but I don't want to be identified. The problem is now that I don't feel I can do it. Knowing that anything could be picked up and used against me is starting to leave me fumbling in the classroom. I know what I should do and how I should deal with something, yet I second guess myself. If there's a behaviour issue (I have a child supported by a referral unit), should I ask for help, knowing full well that later on I'll be having to explain why I can't 'cope'? The thing is I'm starting to crumble. I'm not coping anymore. I just can't do it. I stumble over words. I second guess myself. I am starting to become inadequate. So ultimately they are right - I am inadequate. I wasn't, but I am now - so they are right. I don't deserve to keep my job now that I'm becoming unable to do it anymore. There is no support from SLT. (Only 'support'). I can't work like this. The catch is, I can't hand in my notice without another job to go to. I can't afford to leave my job. I can't afford a pay cut. I didn't think I was well paid (comparing myself to friends), yet when I look at what is out there for me if I leave, I don't know how I would afford to live. What do you do when work is making you physically ill, yet you have no choice but to work. Sunday is a day of depression, yet I can't snap myself out of it. I can't switch off. I went to the dr and she said I wasn't I'll, nor was I depressed. I was reacting to stress in a normal way. After that I just do not know what to do. I know I need to go back. I'm posting now because I've started to dread Monday already. I've just realised how long this post is and I'm sure no one will make it through to the end. But I feel better for getting it all off my chest. Thank you for this forum.