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Phrases that should be allowed in the classroom...

Discussion in 'Primary' started by mprimaryz, Oct 9, 2011.

  1. "How *** are you?"
    I quickly apologised and explained that I was merely posing a question in light of some deplorable behaviour. I think I got away with it, no visit from parent yet....

     
  2. Goldopals

    Goldopals New commenter

    I assume the pupil was referring the compass used to draw circles. What would you call that particular instrument?
     
  3. When I was Little it was "Tell Tale Tit, your tongue will split, and all the little birds will have a little bit." All in a VERY whiney sing songy voice. Wouldn't you just love to teach that one to the little lovelies?
     
  4. I am utterly disgusted with all you teachers that are trusted with the care of children. My son was clinically depressed at 5 years old because of 2 teachers bullying him, you are all no better. QUIT your jobs if you hate children that much, I'm sure the chicken factories have vacancies, that's all you are worthy of.
     
  5. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Star commenter

  6. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    When pupils called me "Mum" I would reply, "Yes, son / daughter" which produced much giggling.
    And to one particularly enthusiastic young nostril excavator, "Are you hungry, son?"
     
  7. Oh dear indeed! I'm also rather fond of 'REALLY?!' when I am told yet another story about how somebody has made a nasty face or is not wearing their Cardigan properly etc.
     
  8. melbanks

    melbanks New commenter

    pure giggling reading this! how funny would it actually be to say it!
     
  9. Will definately use this one! Thank you.

    Why can so few people spell DEFINITELY.? Almost as few as those who know they should HAVE done things not should of.

    Also quite disappointed that too many people on this thread seem only to wish to vent their own spleen by swearing at the children.
    After 34 years teaching mostly Y10 and 11 Science I can understand the frustrations but not the urge to shock with four letter words.
    As the adult, and presumably the most educated person in the classroom surely a witty epithet would be sufficient without recourse to vulgarity.
     
  10. I just love this, I'm going to try it!
     
  11. True everyone should use Thank you. Plus we should mean it.
    I think I may need to put this here as well.
    "In the quiet hours of the dawn"....
    Miracle Workers
    by Taylor Mali (www.taylormali.com)
    Sunday nights I lie awake—
    as all teachers do—
    and wait for sleep to come
    like the last student in my class to arrive.
    My grading is done, my lesson plans are in order,
    and still sleep wanders the hallways like Lower School music.
    I’m a teacher. This is what I do.
    Like a builder builds, or a sculptor sculpts,
    a preacher preaches, and a teacher teaches.
    This is what we do.
    We are experts in the art of explanation:
    I know the difference between questions
    to answer and questions to ask.
    That's an excellent question.
    What do you think?
    If two boys are fighting, I break it up.
    But if two girls are fighting, I wait until it’s over and then drag what’s left to the nurse’s office.
    I’m not your mother, or your father,
    or your jailer, or your torturer,
    or your biggest fan in the whole wide world
    even if sometimes I am all of these things.
    I know you can do these things I make you do.
    That’s why I make you do them.
    I’m a teacher. This is what I do.
    Once in a restaurant, when the waiter asked me
    if I wanted anything else, and I said,
    "No, thank you, just the check, please,"
    and he said, "How about a look at the dessert menu?"
    I knew I had become a teacher when I said,
    "What did I just say?
    Please don’t make me repeat myself!"
    In the quiet hours of the dawn
    I write assignment sheets and print them
    without spell checking them. Because I’m a teacher,
    and teachers don’t make spelling mistakes.
    So yes, as a matter of fact, the new dress cod
    will apply to all members of the 5th, 6th, and 78th grades;
    and if you need an extension on your 55-paragraph essays
    examining The Pubic Wars from an hysterical perspective
    you may have only until January 331st.
    I trust that won’t be a problem for anyone?
    I like to lecture on love and speak on responsibility.
    I hold forth on humility, compassion, eloquence, and honesty.
    And when my students ask,
    “Are we going to be responsible for this?”
    I say, If not you, then who?
    You think my generation will be responsible?
    We’re the ones who got you into this mess,
    now you are our only hope.
    And when they say, “What we meant
    was, ‘Will we be tested on this?’”
    I say Every single day of your lives!
    Once, I put a pencil on the desk of a student
    who was digging in her backpack for a pencil.
    But she didn’t see me do it, so when I walked
    to the other side of the room and she raised her hand
    and asked if she could borrow a pencil,
    I intoned, In the name of Socrates and Jesus,
    and all the gods of teaching,
    I declare you already possess everything you will ever need!
    Shazzam!
    “You are the weirdest teacher I have ever—”
    Then she saw the pencil on her desk and screamed.
    “You’re a miracle worker! How did you do that?”
    I just gave you what I knew you needed
    before you had to ask for it.
    Education is the miracle, I’m just the worker.
    But I’m a teacher.
    And that’s what we do.
     
  12. You beat me to it.... exactly what I was going to say....... I love teaching, but there are days when the kids, being kids and not perfect little angels, drive me up the wall..... and if I didn't retain my sense of humour, I'd go mad! So, I imagine saying these things, OK, sometimes I do feel like saying these things, and sometimes I DO say them to kids who know me well.... but the fact that I/we so often don't, that we bite our tongues, when we have the responses ready... says a lot about us!
     
  13. Sorry, I was responding to the post that HBF was answering to.. .and Chemistry Boy... brilliant poem.. .am going to stick it in the pigeon holes of all the teachers at work tomorrow! x
     
  14. marymoocow

    marymoocow Star commenter

    Words said "Dont worry everyone poos in their pants sometimes."
    Words wanted to say "Your Mum is such a lazy cow, who cant be ar*sed to toilet train you, just use the f*cking toilet, once is an accident, everyday is just taking the p*ss, I must be the most expensive ar*se wiper in the universe!"
     
  15. You haven't taught children to read then, or pehaps your comprehension would be better and you'd notice several posters have tried to explain to the trolls that no one is condoning telling a 9 year old to **** off; just admitting that sometimes you really want to!
    I have to admitt to saying "REALLY?!" to a year 6 who liked to be 'helpful' and would notice every little thing. When returning to the classroom after lunch she would notice letters to be handed out and say 'there's letters on your desk miss' no matter how many times I explained that I was often the person who brought the letters up from the office!! She would even tell me, in the middle of a sentence usually, 'miss the bell's about to go.' I still can't fathom why she thought I might not have realised.
    I finally snapped when handing out school photos. I was in the middle of handing out but paused to tell off a couple of lads for general pratting about. The picture I happened to be holding at the time was of a child who was away. S
     
  16. Stupid thing posted before I was finished!
    She noticed this picture and without even waiting for me to finish "X and Y can you sit down and..." she said 'He's not here today Miss'
    "REALLY?! COS I'VE BEEN TEACHING THIS CLASS ALL DAY AND HADN'T NOTICED! WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU?!"
    I did feel bad after.
    Also, why do some posters feel the need to point out how long they've been teaching? I've been teaching only 2 years but I know that it is my role to be above sarcasm and swearing and that my children (primary) are too young to really get sarcasm. I still enjoy this thread and empathise with feeling 'oh for f*cks sake' on a daily basis!! Aside from anything else, I regularly hear parents shouting it at their own children, generally followed by a hefty wack round the head/bottom. In comparison teachers are letting them off lightly. People who homeschool (or should I say, the single person with many usernames [​IMG] ) do your children never annoy you?
     
  17. I stopped talking to my imaginary friends when I was 6 years old but if you think yours can help I suppose it can't hurt to try.
     
  18. Really!!! I think you had better re-think that.
     
  19. My comprehension is perfectly functional thank you.

    I did not tar everyone with the same brush but for those whom the cap fits let them wear it, to coin a phrase.
     
  20. Mrs_Frog

    Mrs_Frog New commenter

    Having come from an EBD background, the lines that I have had hurled at me more than once, and have had to work on suitable, professional retorts are beyond counting. However, one of my stock lines if a pupil decided to compare me to a dirty pile of coal mining waste, was 'you don't know me well enough to comment'.
    Another retort that I found useful, for a number of reasons, was to ask the pupil to explain what they had called me, that usually diffused the situation, without making a big deal about it. And yes, there are many many times that I would have liked to use the same language back at them, its wearing being called x y and z all day!
    Another favourite was one I learnt from my father, also a teacher, which was Tango Sierra. Very very few of the kids I have taught over the years worked that one out..... (Sometimes tempted to fit Foxtrot in between.....)
     

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