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People who live together, how often do you see your other half?

Discussion in 'Personal' started by dogcat, Feb 2, 2011.

  1. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Just wondering, because I see mine on Mon from 7.30 andabout the same on a Wednesday. Then at the weekend I see him some of Friday night if he's here, but never a late one saturday night (when he is too knackered to do anything and if his team has lost he has a sulk on for the first hr or so) and Sunday. Is this normal for a couple in their 20's? Moved in with his parents so I do get some company, but if it wasn't for his mum and stepdad I'd be pretty solo for most of the week.
    In case anyone is wondering it is Rugby that takes up his time, that and the gym. I have plenty to do myself most evenings with work and the gym when I'm being good, but sometimes it grates a little. Especially when you add to it that we cannot have a weekend a way at all from end of Aug-end of May because of his religous training twice a week and the fact that all school holidays except two weeks in summer are also off limits for a break together.
    I have friends I can go with, but is that really the point? What happens long term (if it lasts that long) I stay in by myself night in night out, never go anywhere unless it fits in with Rugby? I moved here to try and elliviate the problem of seeing each other at weekends and it is actually no better. Except now I get woken up when he comes up at 10pm Tues and Thurs.

    Anyway rant over. How much do others see theirs?
  2. I know I am married and we live in the same house but I only see my hubby at weekends really as he works nights.
    His in bed when I get home. He gets up when I go to bed. I will see him weekends but he goes to bed early on Sunday afternoon. Been doing this for 15 years.

    If he ever changes his job I think it might be difficult to adjust to seeing each other a lot.
  3. Weekdays
    6:15 to 7:00
    19:00 til sleep time (23:00ish)

    Perhaps an hour of that might be in different rooms

    Weekends from wake up till sleep apart from

    I may go shopping for 1 or 2 hours

    He might go for a bike ride for an hour
  4. I know you won't believe me at the moment dogcat, but there comes a time when you will hear yourself saying - aren't you going out to play rugby/golf whatever.......?
    Mr C used to be out all the time and it did cause resentment especially when the children were small, but now he hardly goes out at all and it drives me dotty!
    there is no reason you should be staying in on your own brooding - take advantage and do the things you enjoy _ seeing friends, cinema, whatever it might be.
    Remember, he won't be able to play rugby forever.
  5. bnm


    I'm married and in a typical week I will see him for about 2 and a half hours in the evening a couple of times a week, Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday. He works away from home several nights a week usually, and when he is home we're usually both too tired to talk to each other.
    Saturday afternoon is when we both re-emerge into our real selves and catch up with each other.
    Going away on holiday is great cos we get to talk to each other every day!
  6. fantastischfish

    fantastischfish Established commenter

    Too bloody often!
    No, honestly, we both get in from work at around 5.30/6ish and eat together. I'd say 2 nights a week, one, the other or both of use make plans with friends. We usually socialise together with our friends at the weekends, although often the girls go out on their own and vice versa.
    We are currently living in my one bedroom flat and are saving desperately for somewhere bigger - we're just in each other's faces too much.
  7. Honey Loop

    Honey Loop New commenter

    Early shift (6am-2pm) I see him from 6.45pm (when I get in from school) until 8pm when he goes to bed (he gets up at 4.30 to ge the first bus from the depot)
    Back shift (2pm-10pm) not at all until Sunday. He's in bed when I leave in the morning, I'm in bed when he gets in. Saturday he works and I'm out when he gets up
    Night shift (10pm-6am) same as early shift, time-wise
    So really, I see him very little.
  8. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    Haha! My dad retired just over a year ago and my mum is really pleased when he goes off out for the day/evening as she gets some peace and quiet! He worked shifts his whole working life, and then so has my mum for the past 15 years, so they didn't see that much of each other as they were generally on a different shift pattern (although in the same office!).
    My husband also works shifts, and this week he's on lates so won't be home until after 10pm. I work part time now as we have a toddler, so at least I get to see him on the mornings I don't work. Before, when he was lates, he'd be asleep when I left for work, and then i'd be just about to go to bed when he got back, so we hardly saw each other for one week in two. We did generally spend the weekend together then, unless I went to visit a friend somewhere. Now we tend to always spend the weekends together, the three of us, although he does sometimes have to work.
  9. Mornings 6-6.45 whilst rushing around getting ready, evenings 7pm ish for a couple of hours over supper until we're both comatose.
    Weekends are better as it's both days unless we have 'children' to visit/take out (mine is 19 and lives away from home, his 12 and 15 and live with their mother). But we are classic in-betweeners and have his elderly parents to look after every weekend too.
    I socialise more than he does but mainly during the holidays, whilst he's working. Or if it's mutual friends, we socialise together.
    As it's second time round for both of us I would prefer to relax more with him as it would make me less tetchy about the lack of quality time together.
  10. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    That's no life for a woman in her twenties.
    It sounds ghastly. And while he's out having fun and being religious [!] you are guarded by his parents whom, though I'm sure they're very nice, are his parents and will probably back him up at the first sig of mutiny on your part.
    Whilst I agree with other posters that too much time cooped up together can be tedious, I think your OH [are you actually married?] sounds extremely selfish. What would happen if you got pregnant? Does he even gie a thought for your happiness? Do you have friends you can go out with and what would happen if you came home a bit merry?
  11. egyptgirl

    egyptgirl Senior commenter

    Dogcat, my fiance and I are both in our 20s too. He's a musician so he can be away for up to 6 weeks at a time or spend stupid hours in the studio. When he's working what I call "normal hours", I leave for the train station before 7am and usually leave him in bed. I get home about 5-5.30ish and he normally arrives home between 6-6.30ish. We have a chat while I finish cooking dinner and after dinner, we both carry on working. We made a rule about 9 months ago that 8 o'clock is cut off time. We both stop working and spend time together. On the weekends, we normally see friends (together and separately) but we've bought a new house so we have been doing some work on that before we move in on a weekend.
  12. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    Well I've said that too, I would never get pregnant with him (I hope) as with the current situation I'd be bringing them up by myself pretty much and he'd hardly see them.

    As for being a bit merry, I wouldn't feel comfortable coming back here really. Would stay at a friends. I feel like I need a hobby too, but I don't have much time for one with work and then I really would never see him! Hard too, as I'm new to the area, only one friend in the local vacinity.
  13. I don't see much of my husband. Fleeting glimpses in the morning Mon-Fri, he gets in about 6.30, we have dinner and then if Man Utd have a home game he goes to that (45 miles away so the whole evening), he plays football twice a week (two hours) and does the pub quiz on Thursday, though sometimes I go with him. I do aqua aerobics on Tuesday night (used to be one night we were both in together) and intend to start Zumba (pauses for everyone to fall about laughing) on Thursdays.
    That is why we are still together after 31 years.
  14. dogcat

    dogcat New commenter

    My bf's mum and stepdad say they've stayed together for twenty something years because of the same thing. They both have seperate lives as well as being together, seems to be the secret to a long relationship!
  15. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    You're infinitely more interesting to be with if you do have independent and separate hobbies imo.

    He has his rugby: I'd start cultivating my own interests in your position.
  16. Mr C is a diving instructor so he does that a lot, he is very considerate and will always ask about any impending plans before he agrees to work, or if far enough in the future will tell me so i can put in my diary.
    I sometimes go out without him and he without me and sometimes we will go out with his friends. We do spend most evenings together although as spring comes on there will be midweek evening diving. I am fine about his passion with diving as I am quite happy with own company mooching about.
    The one thing is though I am no longer working in the town where I used to live (50 miles away) so will be major effort to see friends now and i don't have any where I live.
  17. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I read that 3 or 4 times before I realised what you meant. I thought he was going to be a rugby playing monk or something.
    I'm more tired than I thought.
  18. I have hobbies which take up a couple of hours during the week, but sometimes time at the weekends (more so in the summer when we take the girls camping). Having grown up as an only child I also really value time to myself. I would hate to be with someone who wasn't comfortable with me doing these things.

    However, there is a balance. I am also in my twenties. My ex worked nights and we lived together. On a Monday I would see him for 10 minutes in the morning and an hour in the evening. On a Tuesday I would see him for 10 minutes in the morning and the same on a Wednesday. Thursday and Friday was 10 minutes in the morning and an hour or two in the evening. Weekends were usually spent with him sleeping the time away. It drove me insane. At the start of our relationship it didn't matter as much as we made a big effort to spend weekends doing things together. Once that dwindled so did the whole relationship - we just drifted further and further apart.
  19. My husband and I have 2 small children. We both have the same hobby - swimming, but we do the coaching at different times during the week or at weekends. We always spend Thursday evenings together (only one in the week) and really love that time. The other evenings he is away or coaching or I'm coaching. On the weekend we coach together early Saturday morning and one or the other of us will have a competition at least one day on the weekend. We always spend Sunday afternoon doing family things together. As a couple we do a 'date' one Saturday a month and have a really 'adult' time with friends and food and alcohol. It works for us.
  20. Me too. Can't remember who the other posters was but I agree that you should be out doing your own thing too. Presumably he played rugby when you met?

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