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Partner Problem

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by Antonio30, Jan 12, 2016.

  1. Antonio30

    Antonio30 New commenter

    Good Morning,

    Previously posted this here, https://community.tes.com/threads/partner-worries.730259/ but advised to pop it in here.

    First and Foremost, many apologies if I'm not meant to be positing on here. My partner is a Primary School Teacher and it is her I'm on here in regards to.

    Secondly I apologise if I've got the incorrect sub-forum, just looking for some general help.

    Basically, she's in her second year of teaching. Last year she tought reception which she enjoyed, this year Primary which unfortunately hasn't gone as well.

    Whilst she has a connection with the children (seems to have a genuine affection towards them), the school itself is causing her problems.

    She moved to this school this year to take the Primary 1 position, however is upset and stressed on a consistent basis. It's caused her an outbreak of a bad skin condition that she then worried about.

    There seems to be no team work at her school, it's even little things such as when she prints out paperwork, to a communal printer no one picks it up, whereas she would and in her previous school they most certainly would.

    There was a meeting last week about implementing a new lesson plan which my partner had to leave early due to a doctor appointment. Before she left, there was nothing put in place and it was agreed to leave it how it was. She was informed last night on a group chat that the lesson had indeed been changed, but she had no idea of this which again caused great upset.

    Her head and deputy have a real lack of communication towards her, and other teachers by all accounts. No real support from either. I don't know what the term/practice is known as, but they visited another school who achieved a positive Ofsted report, I think to show the teachers a new style of teaching, well I assume that's the point. They themselves had a good report though, however the head now seems so focused on matching this other schools achievements, he's forgotten about everything else.

    I find it extremely hard at times watching her cry and get so stressed about her position, but I just don't know what to suggest. I hate when she says "I don't want to teach anymore" because I know she does, when she has a good day it's brilliant because you see the reward she gets from it.

    Anyway, again I'm very sorry if I shouldn't be using this forum, just a bit stuck where to turn for advice.

    Many thanks,
  2. JohnJCazorla

    JohnJCazorla Star commenter

    Firstly, my sympathy for your plight. I also have a partner who is a teacher (Secondary) and having a hard time, though a hard time in Secondary is quite different to primary. I'm also a Secondary teacher but fortunately not with the same pressures.

    Your role in this is relatively simple, be as supportive as possible.
    • Try eating into your work/life balance to give her something resembling a bearable one, do more than a fair share of ironing or whatever.
    • Be a listener and don't try to solve her problems prescriptively.
    • Don't fret over the Head/Deputy, they are problems that can't be resolved.
    Regarding her problems.
    • Does the school have a union rep? I guess not as bullying heads often get rid of these asap. If not try for advice at regional level. The problems you describe require a majority of the staff to act on and this is very rare.
    • The problem is with the school, not with the job. So start looking for another job and more importantly try to work out how to see if the HT/Deputy are genuinely supportive. At least you get a good look around before you apply.
    phlogiston likes this.
  3. pepper5

    pepper5 Star commenter


    John's advice is wise in that try to be as supportive as possible with the things that John lists. Also, good advice about looking for a another post - one where there is a team ethos and head and deputy head is supportive. Hard to do, but possible.

    Your partner hasn't been teaching long and it takes time and maturity to withstand the battles she will face in a teaching career. In the end, she may decide to leave as a high percentage of teachers do within the first five years of qualifying. If she does decide to leave eventually, support her decision and remember she can always go back later.
  4. JRiley1

    JRiley1 Established commenter

    How lovely of you to post on here for advice! Hopefully you'll find some of this helpful.

    First of all if your partner has moved schools and what year group she teaches then they're both big changes which take time to adapt to (I kno as I've just done that in sept too) changing from reception to another year group can be hard as things are alot different from reception to even year 1!! So thar in itself will take time to get used to never mind a new school & how it works. Every school is different & if your partner enjoyed it more last year than that shows that maybe she just doesn't fit with the new school and/or preferred working in reception.

    So a change of school and/or year group maybe good, although personally I'd change in summer & start fresh in sept.

    Things that help: a cup of tea (my husband makes me one when I come bk from work & it is so lovely!) Be understanding when they have to do work; we want to spend time with our other halves but work has to be done & it takes us longer when we're newer. Watch how much work she's doing though; I make sure I have an evening off during the week or I burn out! & just be there; it's exhausting looking after so many kids all day & teach & all paperwork & marking....so making dinner during the week is really amazing!!
  5. Antonio30

    Antonio30 New commenter

    Thank you all for the replies, really is appreciated. Have told her about the forum and she has had a look, so going to let her post from now on, hopefully make the job a little bit easier. Really is a great forum, and once again thank you to all that have taken the time to reply.

    Have a lovely weekend.
  6. TheoGriff

    TheoGriff Star commenter


    We look forward to seeing her!

    Best wishes


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