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parents won't give DLA

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by cello_beanz, Aug 22, 2019.

  1. cello_beanz

    cello_beanz New commenter

    My friend has quite severe ADHD autism, though their autism is slight. They get DLA, about £500 a month. They're parents refuse to give it to them despite them turning 18 in 2 days, and abuse them when they ask for things or the money, and keeps getting told that the money is being used for their other 4 siblings, which I personally don't think is right. They get given £100 a month but often at times their parents will do anything to take more money.

    Since my friend has been about 11, they've spent little to no money on my friend and basically been making them pay £400 for boarding, often at times more when the DLA has spiked up a few months. Although my friend's parents only started giving them part of they're money a year ago, ergo they've taken quite a bit of money at this point, not saving any of it up for my friend or helping my friend with anything financially.

    I want to help them get out of the situation but I'm not too sure what to do myself, as I don't get DLA and this is all unfamiliar to me. My friend wants to either ask for all of they're money, but if refused, they're planning to move out, but as I think they're DLA is quite high, atoning to the severity of they're ADHD, I think they'll be forced to stay at home, making me feel concerned for their safety.

    What should I and my friend do?
     
  2. freckle06

    freckle06 Lead commenter

    cello_beanz likes this.
  3. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    While I appreciate your frustration at this situation, the DLA is meant to help with living expenses and, as I assume the person is living at home, I'm not sure I understand the grievance. Are you suggesting that the person is being made to go without basic necessities? Or do you see the DLA as a kind of pocket money?
    £400 for boarding - food and accommodation - is a bargain and you'd struggle to live decently on less if you moved out.

    I would suggest not making waves - or big decisions - until you see how the changes to the benefit system affect your friend.
     
    cello_beanz likes this.
  4. cello_beanz

    cello_beanz New commenter

    It's just that my friend's older siblings only pay £60 for board each month, so it isn't really a bargain. I'm only asking on here as to get more information, on if anything could be done or if anything would change after their 18th, as I didn't really know about PIP. I don't see DLA as pocket money no, but the money never really gets put towards my friend, instead going to their siblings or unnecessary things. Then when my friend does odd jobs for money, they expect my friend to buy things they may need from their own parents even if second hand at a ridiculous price (a second hand and broken headset for £60), expecting my friend to pay for bills and things despite the money they're already taking, thus not leaving my friend with much or any money at all. I don't know if it's just my personal relationship with my friend tainting my views, but I thought it was just kind of unfair.
     
  5. blue451

    blue451 Lead commenter

    I assumed that DLA was given because a person had some kind of condition which made their living expenses greater than those of someone without the condition. Are you suggesting that this person's expenses are no greater than those of their siblings? What does the friend feel the money should be used for, if not for food and accommodation?

    Why is the money given to the parents rather than to the person directly? Presumably because it's believed that the parents are still keeping the child, therefore the expenses incurred owing to the condition are theirs? If the friend thinks it's genuinely unfair, they could seek to get it paid directly. However that may mean accepting they have to move out of the family home which will likely open their eyes to what living expenses really are. Trust me, it really is a bargain.

    However, as pointed out by freckles06, it's all going to change soon anyway,
     
  6. Corvuscorax

    Corvuscorax Senior commenter

    The £500 is for additional living expenses. ( What ever they are, dietary needs? extra travel expenses?) Your friends parents are paying her living expenses. So they keep the money. What extra living expenses does your friend incur? It is not clear at all from your description.

    If she leaves home, she would be paying ALL her living expenses. Not just the additional extras. How would she do that? Does she have qualifications and a job?
     
  7. bonxie

    bonxie Senior commenter

    Your friend won't find anywhere else that would charge anywhere near as little as £60 a month for rent, heating, food, washing clothes etc. Before deciding to move out, she needs to research rents for local flats, find out about budgeting for heating costs, council tax, weekly food budgets etc. It's likely to be a lot more than £500 a month.
    This is unfair. It might be worth your friend getting a bank account they could put their odd job money into and then order things online.
     
  8. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    As far as I can see DLA is to cover extra costs if you need extra help/supervision, or if you have mobility issues. Arguably the need for that supervision is affecting the parents' earning power, hence it could make sense for it to go into the family pot.
    If she moves out, she will presumably continue to need that extra help/supervision, so that would probably need to be paid for.
    The move to PIP is imminent and will involve reassessment. I would imagine that who it is paid to could be changed fairly easily at that point. Asking for that change sooner might trigger an earlier move to PIP. If her needs have diminished as she has got older, then she may no longer qualify for anything.
     
    Corvuscorax likes this.
  9. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    The move to PIPS may also complicate the issue even further.

    We had friends who had a disable son who was given a 'personal allowance' Now we are talking a severly handicapped child with sometimes up to 60 seizures in a day, unable to say more than a couple of words and very limited mental capacity. When he reached 19 he was told that yes they would continue to pay, but he would have to 'sign on' and apply for jobs. o_O This for someone who could not write or communicate. :confused: His parents had a long drawn out fight to persuade the authorities that it just wasn't suitable to put him through that.
     
  10. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    The parents of a disabled child apply for the care and mobility allowance at whichever rates match their needs. The money goes to the parents and they may also be able to claim a Carer's Allowance.

    DLA is being phased out and replaced by PIP. It may be that DLA continues past age 16 for those who have been on it for some time. I expect that claims for PIP or DLA would go into the disabled person's bank account from age 18 years if they are able to manage their finances. If they are still at school, the parents might well continue to be paid the allowances until the September after they leave.
    The best way to establish when the person can make the claim themselves would be to go to a Citizens' Advice Bureau , a Jobcentre or to contact their Social Worker.
    If wishing to live independently, Housing Benefit and Council Tax relief would apply but young people are expected to rent a bed-sit or a room in a shared house and would only qualify for Housing Benefit to cover a one bed flat when they are aged 25+. They would also get the Personal Allowance component of Universal Credit or JSA. PIP is the extra payment that you get to help you cope with your diabilities.
     
    Lalad and Lara mfl 05 like this.
  11. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    Quite severe ADHD may well pose issues for independent living and for being accepted into a shared housing situation.
     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  12. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    This is excellent advice - perhaps you could accompany them?
     
    Lara mfl 05 likes this.
  13. Skeoch

    Skeoch Lead commenter

    Need to contact social worker. There should have been Transition arrangements put in place from about the age of 16 in readiness for the change at 18th birthday. Demand an assessment by the social worker.
     
  14. Abitofeverything

    Abitofeverything Occasional commenter

    To be honest, I found this post really strange, They sound like a very odd family, but benefits to a person under 18 are for the parents to provide for the kids. They also go some way to compensate parents who can't work, or can't work as much, as they have a child with additional needs. Therefore I'd expect the money to go into the family pot, not the child's pocket. The bit about buying second hand stuff at exorbitant prices off their parents is just strange though...
     
  15. jubilee

    jubilee Star commenter

    I agree. The allowance goes to the parents and they will also get a National Insurance credit each week if they do not earn one from paid work.
    It's no different from any parent on benefits getting paid an amount per child. The money is for the parents to use to support the family.
    The claimant becomes the person with the disability later (usually after turning 18, but it could be 19 if they are still in education).
     

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