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Discussion in 'Primary' started by meya, Sep 4, 2009.
It has happened once in the 6 years I have been at my current school, the parent concerned was banned from the premises!
It's happened three times to me, twice in the same school in eight months!!!
Happened in my school, to me, when I was in the first week of my NQT year. I was alone in a room, the parent marched in and shouted at me while her son was in tears trying to pull her away. She was very aggressive and I was pretty scared to be honest. I told her to leave and after she had gone, the Head and Deputy Head phoned her and demanded she came into school the next day for a formal meeting with them. She did and all five members of the SLT were there and she was banned from the school.
Intersting responses, because my headteacher always states that he protects the staff. Not that much as it seems. I was told, from him, via my head of year that I had to be strong and stand up to her as she had a reputation for harrassing teachers.
Hasn't happened to me, but every time a parent comes near me, I freak out inside just incase they're coming. Apparently I have a gang of parents in my class who gossip and they think nothing of cornering the teacher. I've been told if that happens to arrange a meeting with the individual parent to discuss individual children and to let the head know incase i need back up.
If a parent was shouting at me, i'd ask them to leave and return in the next few days at an appointed time when a senior member of staff could attend. No way am i dealing with it on my own!
Maybe you would, but when it comes out of the blue, and you're a decent person, it just knocks you off balance.
Oops, that sounds like I mean you're not a decent person. I mean when it happens, your just not ready for it.
'you're' not 'your' can one edit these ;posts?
Aha, but i am ready for it. Every time it's home time i expect a parent to come to me, and if they're shouting - I am prepared because I know i won't be shouted at, and i know what to do to avoid it. I am very happy to have a discussion with a parent about their child, but not when it involves shouting.
I used to work in retail and once had a woman shout at me for something that wasn't my fault. She called me "dozey" and "complacent" because I worked in a bookshop! I ended up in floods of tears. So I'm just going to keep my head down and smile lots and hopefully no parents will ever have reason to shout at me! Although the SENCo did say that I had every right if it did happen to tell the parent that I'd be willing to talk with them and a member of the SLT at a later date when the parent isn't so angry.
Fingers crossed it doesn't happen. At least for my first year!
This happened to me a lot last year - all from one particular parent who had been at it for years. It did help slightly that i had good answers to her questions but now my school have made sure that no teachers are available on their own and we aren't allowed to talk to parents at all at the end of the day...much better!
it has only happened to me over the phone as of yet. i had to phone a parent after school to discuss a child's behaviour during the day - they had failed to see me after school despite being asked.
i phoned and was greeted by a rather agressive (possibly drunken) dad who went on to hurl abuse down the phone using the kind of language i have never heard before. his son had done something extremely serious to another child during the day and i was told it 'had nothing to do with him' and he wasnt surprised his son is a f***ing b******* as the headteacher doesnt know how to run the school and im a f***ing dizzy c**t for sitting his son next to a girl. I was caught totally of guard, told him that in no uncertain terms would i be spoken to in that way and that if he didnt calm down i would hang up the phone and request a formal meeting involving him and the SLT to dicuss the matter in school. He calmed down, realised he'd overstepped the mark completely and suddenly became rather sheepish. After all that his answer was to go on to scream and shout at the child while i was still on the other end of the phone. The head called the parent in the following day and was not allowed back on the school premesis.
I dreaded parents evening with his wife but she was obviously extremely embarassed by the situation and as perfectly polite. He's since been arrested for assault on his next door neighbour.
You deal with allsorts in this job.
Shouting was pretty commonplace in my previous school. I nearly got punched in the face at one point as well but had quick reflexes!
My old school always had parents coming in to pick at things after school - the office staff (one of whom couldn't be bothered to do anything that she could fob off onto the teachers - this includes all those nice workload agreement tasks we weren't meant to do) would happily wave them all through. Had a few who liked to tag team and corner in pairs which I always found worse (especially since they were always complaining about a kid who had behavioural difficulties yep - but whom their kids were absolute masters at winding up to provoke a reaction they could run home to mum with).
In a way I was blessed because I had an open plan classroom - so colleagues would always be heading through - but remember the basic things of have your door open etc - and if it happens tell the head. Thankfully my head always took the line that one of the reasons she was paid more was to protect the staff and take the flack and if we knew we had a tricky customer coming in - she'd conveniently (and purely coincidentally) make sure she was around that part of the school when they arrived... she did the same with her staff coffee rounds during parents evenings as well. We always had the system where we knew what parents to look out for and would need to "borrow" things from colleagues' rooms when they were seen heading in with an obvious bee in their bonnet.
They shouldn't really be wandering the school shouting the odds at teachers anyway - good office staff would have made sure ours weren't - but they could never give a damn. They even stood there when I was rushing out to hit a doctors appointment at 4.30 and let a parent block my exit from the building having a massive go about something that had kicked off while I wasn't even teaching the class... just stood there - even as I was saying "sorry, I can't discuss this anymore right now, I've got an appointment I'm going to be late for, let me find out exactly what's gone on tomorrow and I'll keep you updated and can talk to you about it after school tomorrow"... in the end that particular confrontation continued with her following me all the way to my car because I was damn well not going to be late for that appointment.
It's horrible though - I saw one head when I was on supply being screamed at by one woman for 30 minutes solid (how she didn't lose her voice I do not know) and we really need the same zero tolerance thing enforced that NHS staff and the like get these days.
We have a zero tolerance policy and parents are banned from school.
Hasn't happened to me (yet) when teaching, but used to work in customer service and routinely got screamed at then (only over thephone luckily). My response was to tell them to call back when calmer and put the phone down. I absolutely would NOT allow a parent to scream at me - anymore than I would anybody else! I would simply tell them (once!) to make an appointment to speak to me when they were calmer, and walk away.
I have been reduced to tears twice by an arrogant mysogynist and whilst he has a reputation for being obnoxious with staff he has never been banned from the premises!... It's horrible. I told him that I was terminating the meeting and he needed to make an appointment with the head but he then threateded me with the LEA etc... With hindsight I would now just say.. Go for your life!
We have a few parents like that. My previous school, the HT would call parents in and bring up the attitude. This one it seems that the message is "it's part of the job", "they're upset". The parents calm by the time they speak to the HT very often. I think it should be zero tolerance and policies where parents don't have unrestricted access to the school. This is why I'm leaving as soon as I can as I wish to be treated more as I treat others and like the professional I am!!
Let us know how Parents' Evening goes.