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Parents not getting on....

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by geniegirl, Aug 4, 2011.

  1. Hi all, just after some advice really.
    I currently live at home (partly by choice to save money and partly to help my Mum look after my Dad who had a heart attack last year and has had to retire early). However, in the last few weeks my father has basically stopped talking to my Mum, is being very rude to her and doesn't want to be here when she is here on his own. When I am in the room he is fine again and starts talking, but as soon as I go out the atmosphere goes horrible again. Mum has tried speaking to him, but he literally doesn't talk back. She is getting increasingly upset and I have found her crying upstairs almost everyday. I am very worried about her well being and what I should be doing. She wants to leave but feels guilty because of his illness and doesn't know is she has enough money to live by herself. I would then be put in an awkward position of who to stay with etc. I am going away next week and my Dad has told me that he is going to stay with his parents for a few days while I am away. This has really upset my Mum, and now I feel really bad for going and know that I will spend my holiday worrying about her at home.
    Just needed to rant about that really, but if you have any advice I would gratefully receive it!!!
     
  2. Hi all, just after some advice really.
    I currently live at home (partly by choice to save money and partly to help my Mum look after my Dad who had a heart attack last year and has had to retire early). However, in the last few weeks my father has basically stopped talking to my Mum, is being very rude to her and doesn't want to be here when she is here on his own. When I am in the room he is fine again and starts talking, but as soon as I go out the atmosphere goes horrible again. Mum has tried speaking to him, but he literally doesn't talk back. She is getting increasingly upset and I have found her crying upstairs almost everyday. I am very worried about her well being and what I should be doing. She wants to leave but feels guilty because of his illness and doesn't know is she has enough money to live by herself. I would then be put in an awkward position of who to stay with etc. I am going away next week and my Dad has told me that he is going to stay with his parents for a few days while I am away. This has really upset my Mum, and now I feel really bad for going and know that I will spend my holiday worrying about her at home.
    Just needed to rant about that really, but if you have any advice I would gratefully receive it!!!
     
  3. harsh-but-fair

    harsh-but-fair Lead commenter

    How old is your Dad?
     
  4. Have you any idea if this a rational response to something that has passed between them that you just don't know aboit, or wheher it's an irrational recent dislike? You know where I'm going with this.
     
  5. Hi genie girl
    My mum and Dad had a wobbly patch a couple of years ago and Mum was saying if she had anywhere to go she would and my Dad didn't know what to do. To be honest from the outside it seemed like classic man/woman miscommunication stuff. Mum wanted Dad to notice when she was feeling fed up and ask her how she was, she wanted him to go out to the pictures or for a meal with her but she didn't want to have to tell him this stuff. My Dad wanted a quiet life and wasn't really the talking about feelings type. In the end I wrote to them both. I told my Dad how fed up Mum was and that he needed to talk to her more, ask her how she was etc and I told my Mum that when she had married Dad she had known he wasn't really the communicative type and so it was no good 40odd years later expecting him to be and that if she was feeling hacked off about something she had to talk to him and not expect him to just notice. I think the fact that I had felt it necessary to intervene made them both think a bit.
    It might be something like that with your parents.
    Your Dad is probably quite anxious if he has had a heart attack, plus feeling useless particularly if he is used to being the main breadwinner. He could be depressed and this had just added to the usual miscommunication that can go on in relationships.
    Anyway, I hope some of this rambling is helpful to you
     
  6. Chica77

    Chica77 New commenter

    My dad ended up retiring a couple of years ago at 57 as they had a big reorganisation at work and he didn't get his job back. He got a lower grade one on the same salary, but as he'd been used to being a manager in charge of everyone, he found it really hard, and he took early retirement/redundancy in the end. He was pretty down about it for ages, and is still bitter about it 2 years on. He always lived for work, rather than worked to live, so he took it pretty hard. Maybe your dad is depressed?
     

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