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Parent wants grandparents at parents evening

Discussion in 'Headteachers' started by cleobud, Oct 6, 2018.

  1. cleobud

    cleobud New commenter

    A parent wants to send the grandparents to meet the teacher at parents evening instead of her. We have offered her an alternative appointment but she doesn't want one. We see the parent regularly and have a good relationship with her, she is a very busy mum whose children are thriving.
    My gut is to say no as only those with parental responsibility should be informed personally, however, if the parent puts it in writing, do we have a duty to follow their wishes?
  2. install

    install Star commenter

    See the grandparents anyway after you have received the request in writing - but have someone with the teacher too. Allow it as a one off for now due to the unforseen circumstances and send letter out. :cool:
  3. cleobud

    cleobud New commenter

    Thank you for your advice.
    install likes this.
  4. caterpillartobutterfly

    caterpillartobutterfly Star commenter

    Why wouldn't you agree? We see whoever arrives for the meeting.
    It's great that the parent wants to make sure someone is there at the formal evenings, even if they can't make it themselves.
    Pomza, nervousned, strawbs and 2 others like this.
  5. Rott Weiler

    Rott Weiler Star commenter Forum guide

    In my school this happens regularly, not necessarily grandparents, but other members of the family, aunts and uncles, the pupils older siblings, and we wouldn't give it a second thought. Often, but not always, accompanying parents who may not speak good English. We do ask parents to confirm who is coming so that we only give information about the pupil to other family members with the parents permission. I wonder though if your concern reflects a different ethnic community to ours? We're in one of the most ethnically diverse inner city wards in the country and our pupils live with their extended families or have them round the corner all the time, so it's normal for members of the extended family to accompany or go instead of them to meetings

    As long as the parents have told you the grandparents are coming I can't see why it would be a concern. I can't for the life of me think why you want to have someone accompany the class teacher if it's the grandparents not the parents? Or do you have some reason to anticipate trouble if the grandparents come?
  6. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    me too, I frequently see other relatives, I see anyone who turns up really.

    In several cases, where I know (through my private life) that the father is a controlling bully, I am very relieved not to see the parents.
    install likes this.
  7. strawbs

    strawbs Established commenter

    yep, anyone who turns up!
  8. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    As long as it's what the parents want, I can't see any problem. I can see loads of reasons why it might make sense for some families:
    - language issues as mentioned above
    - parents happen to be unavailable that week (and don't want to be seen as a bother needing an alternative time)
    - grandparents are very involved (I know one family where gran does more parenting than mum)
    - grandparents have them after school and are the ones who deal with most of the homework/reading books,, and probably friendship traumas and after-school meltdowns to boot
    - several kids means getting there is difficult, and it's easier for grandparents to do parents evening than babysit/ferry kids to activities.

    I guess you might get the odd case where parents are anxious about attending, and that would be more worrying, but it sounds not to be the case here. You've obviously got the informal contact with mum.
  9. cleobud

    cleobud New commenter

    Many thanks for all your advice.
  10. Skeoch

    Skeoch Lead commenter

    We've had all sorts - grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, nominated guardians, interpreters, ...... all went to the meeting because they wanted the best for the children.
  11. Crowbob

    Crowbob Senior commenter

  12. Pomza

    Pomza Star commenter

    To refuse seems needlessly unreasonable. Just see the grandparents and avoid damaging the relationship with this child’s family.
    Flanks and nomad like this.
  13. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    how do you ever know who you are speaking to, or whether they have parental responsibility?
  14. Skeoch

    Skeoch Lead commenter

    They don't necessarily have legal parental responsibility. But the parents have asked the grandparents or whoever to stand in for them. So when Granny shows up and says she's Jamie's granny and you expect Jamie's granny to be there, she's likely to be Jamie's granny. Or if it's Jamie's big sister, chances are you taught her some time back so you know who she is!
    Flanks and nomad like this.
  15. nomad

    nomad Star commenter

    But do a risk assessment just in case Granny actually turns out to be an Illuminati flesh-eating lizard dressed in a rubber human suit.
  16. Pomza

    Pomza Star commenter

    That would definitely represent a GDPR problem...
  17. clawthorpegirl

    clawthorpegirl New commenter

    Recently my sons class was taught by a teacher on long term supply, parents evening was cancelled for his class and instead appointments were offered during the school day. I asked if my mum could attend, she looks after the children one day a week and has since they were tiny. His school refused to let her and also refused my request to meet after school...

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