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over responsible

Discussion in 'Personal' started by eggnchips, Apr 16, 2012.

  1. I realise I do this. I take on too much,I take responsibility for the feeling and actions of others. Anybody else prone to this malady and tips on how to stop? Is it a female thing?
  2. Earl Davids wife

    Earl Davids wife New commenter

    Me and it's not something we'll ever get thankd for. Think it was my upbringing so no idea how many others are the same [​IMG]
  3. Yes I've noticed you do that and i'm going to have to have words with you about it. [​IMG]

    I think it's a teacher thing. I realised I'd got it after several years in teaching when I moved some kids to different seats on a bus. It was public transport and they were someone else's kids but they were squashing a little old man and he was squealing. I know someone else who 'tidied up' a post office queue because they were so ramshackle.
    I realised I was out of control when, having heard some intention of the Prime Ministers on the news I found myself stiring a casserole and thinking "I'll have to write to him. That'll never work." I must point out I don't write to people (yet).
    We need a help group.
  4. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    It means you are a wonderful person.
    However, it may be sign of depressed parenting and it can go too far if you do not make "me time" or take care of yourself.
    Sometimes it is priority to recharge your own batteries and it is useful to learn to say No. We are not responsible for the feelings and actions of others by the way, only for ourselves and our own actions. It can be unhealthy to think that you are responsible for the way that others feel - they have choices in the matter.
  5. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

    Do you think so? It sounds like interfering to me. I'm very good at leaving people to get on with things. I just don't want to be blamed when it all goes t i t s up. I also don't think I've got better ideas than other people.
    Living my own life is quite challenging enough.
  6. now I am depressed about depressed parenting !
  7. I read this post, then looked on my FB, where someone of a certain age had posted "I'm sick of that bucket list, what's getting longer and longer now is my f$ck-it list" and for some reason I thought of the OP!!
  8. I think I empathise too much....especially with nearest and dearest, and what is happening to them, plays on my mind quite often.
    Empathy is a good quality but I must also learn detachment too...I try to be detached, telling myself others have to take life's ups and downs on the chin and get on with things, but I can also agonise about what they are going through too.
    It's hard for me to walk away and tell myself 'their problems, their response, their life' etc. I don't interfere, I just mither a lot!
  9. I may only be a rather sceptical man, but do I detect a note of self-congratulation in some of these empathetic capacities?I'm just too kind.

  10. MrsArmitage

    MrsArmitage Occasional commenter

    You might want to have a quick squiz at anything to do with co-dependency, if you really think it might be an issue with you. Apparently it is something fairly common in teachers, but it can leave you prone to putting other people before yourself to your own detriment. Been there etc etc! if you are interested, I can let you have the names of some interestinguseful books.
  11. NellyFUF

    NellyFUF Lead commenter

    Like most things, it is a question of balance. You have to balance your empathy with detachment, control with delegation, that sort of thing.
  12. Oh hell no Bob...certainly not in my case.
    What on earth is there to be smug (or self-congratulatory) about when you find you have your own worries to contend with and also pick up on the worries and cares of those you love?? It's a bug bear if anything.
    In many ways it would be a whole lot easier if I could just shrug and turn my back. I am not sure very many people can pigeon-hole their feelings and not care or think too much about what others close to them are going through - or perhaps I am just one of life's natural worriers? We are all made differently.
    That's not to say I am a hands-on do gooder...far from it. It's all (turmoil) in the mind usually.
    Oh and yes, your reply WAS needlessly sceptical imo.

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