I am a regular poster, but my partner knows who I am on TES and sometimes reads it. I would prefer to remain anonymous. I am about to state some facts about how our relationship is at the moment. I am going to do my best to be unbiased. Any advice you can offer me would be much appreciated. Partner (male) and I (female) have been together for nearly five years. We met at University. We moved in together a year and a half ago, but also lived in a shared house at Uni for our final year. We have always felt as though we were both in it for keeps. At first we had an active sex life but over the past two years it has completely dried up. We are, however, affectionate and tactile, enjoying cuddles in bed and kisses too. It just never leads to sex. Whilst I have always wanted more sex, I haven't been OVERLY unhappy with how things were. We talked about it and neither of us seemed to mind. Since we got together, we have had ONLY mutual friends. I was introduced to his friends he is still in touch with from school early on in the relationship and I get on with them well. They consider me to be a friend, now, and automatically invite me to go out with them. Out of coincidence my job brought us to the same area in which my partner grew up, so the people we go out with are essentially his friends. I don't have any friends of "my own" in the area. Additionally, all our Uni friends are mutual. Recently, my partner said that he has been unhappy with our relationship in general and that we are more like friends who live together rather than a couple. Whilst we are coupley when we are alone, we effectively ignore each other when we are out with mutual friends and often, new people we meet are astonished to discover we are a couple. He feels, from what I can gather, stifled by our life. This has, apparently, stemmed from his new job - an office job where everyone else is in their 20s and either single, or committing adultery by sleeping with others in the office whilst having a partner at home. My partner says this disgusts him - and I believe him - but also that meeting new people and seeing a new side to life (after all, he's been in a relationship with me since we were 19) has let him know that there's more to life and that he shouldn't be in a stale relationship at 23 years old. In practice, I totally agree. I want to work really hard on saving the relationship as, on reflection, I am not happy either. The big complication is a girl that he used to work with, before she left recently. She added me to Facebook a while ago to "see what I looked like" - I recognise now that she was essentially checking out her competition. She has left my partner's work now, but they appear to be in regular contact. She telephoned him when she was out drunk one night, and she texts him frequently during the day. One example is that she texts him a "good morning" text at 7.30 every morning on the way to her job. This girl has a boyfriend...should she not be texting him? I asked my partner about the situation and he said that whilst he doesn't have feelings for her (and I believe him) she might have feelings for him. I believe that for our relationship to survive, we need to work together without this outside influence. After my inital questioning, my partner then started to hide his phone and put it on silent. This made me even more paranoid. He said he did it because it is "less hassle" for the both of us if I didn't know when she texts, because it makes me a bit cross and wary and he doesn't want to have to justify himself. I explained that his behaviour makes me even more paranoid. I trust him implicitly. That isn't the issue. This issues are a) that she's the first girl he's become close to, ever, since we got together...and I admit, I'm very wary of that; b) that, whilst she has a boyfriend, in my opinion she is quite openly "trying to get close" to my partner despite knowing we're having problems; c) that if we're ever going to sort out our problems I believe her constant presence is a little damaging; d) if I were getting continual texts from another man, my partner would be outraged, and (most importantly), e) I believe I deserve more respect from my partner on this issue; he gets cross and annoyed when I try to explain how I feel, and has never told this girl to back off so that we can save our relationship. In fact, he readily texts her back - more often than he texts me, even - and I'd imagine they're emailing at work as well. I trust my partner. I don't trust this girl. And I know the more upset I am about this, the more I will drive him towards her. Any thoughts?