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Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by becca0417, Apr 8, 2007.

  1. Hi Becca I have been following your thread and just wanted you to know I am also thinking of you.Good luck whatever you decide. I don't know if it has been mentioned but can you not talk to your family about this?I would hope my daughter would speak to me if she was in the same situation.Just ignore me if you think it is bad advice or if your circumstances are different.Just know we all care out here xxxx
  2. Thanks magmac for your post. I appreciate your advice but unfortunately if I were to tell my mum and dad, I know I would not be able to 100% make the decision myself. They are a little 'old fashioned' (sorry dont mean to insult anyone by saying this but dont know how else to put it) in their views and would make me feel forever guilty if I did decide to have an abortion.
    As someone else said people love a baby this is removed from them. It needs to be my decision.
    Thanks xx
  3. Morning Becca. I also believe what will be will be but I also believe that if the time isnt right for you then not to have it would be the sensible thing to do. I know that if I was in your position right now, I'm be too selfish to have a child. I hope your ex is understanding. You're right not to want to go on your own if that's what you decided.
  4. I understand Becca. If they are old fashioned then it is best for you to make your own decision. I think you are very brave and I wish you lots of luck xxx
  5. Hi Becca

    I've been reading your post from the beginning. I really feel for you as I was once in a similar position with an unexpected, unplnned and unwanted pregnancy. You might find this this very helpful - I did.


    My "baby" is now nearly 19 and I'm very glad I had him although it has not been always been a smooth path!!!

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Best wishes.
  6. I do believe that is a one sided view and not really helpful in this situation.

    Becca. I too have been reading your posts and had a friend who went through a similar experience many years ago.

    She did tell the 'father' whose brother then offered money if she didn't go through with it. Another 'mindf**k'. The only people she ever told were her immediate family (who were supportive in her decision), the 'father' and a very close friend (me) Later on in life I believe she told another in a similar situation to help her through her troubles.

    If you are worried about medical records, I know she didn't have to have it on her maternity records (ie previous pregnancy - none) as she has never even told her (now) husband.

    She tells me she still has the occassional pang and 'what if?' but knows that it was not the right time or man. It also did not affect future pregnancies.

    From what I can gather it is now just a hazy memory and her life would have taken a completely different turn. She says she made the right decision.

    I do, on the other hand have another friend who is completely opposed to abortion and had a child very young due to an encounter. Although she loves her teenager, I know she finds life as a single mum very difficult.

    It is your decision, of course, but I would veer towards the termination.

    If you'd like to chat a bit more, my email (and IM) is abbotpottery@hotmail.com

    I wish you well

  7. Its nice to hear from someone who's been in a similiar situation to me and I had a look on that website - thanks.
    I just keep telling myself its not the end of the world - but to me right now, that's how it feels.
    Keep crying and havent got dressed yet today. Mind you at least I got out of bed, which I didnt at all yesterday.
    I'm not eating and know that I need to but just can't.
    I can't see how I'm ever going to make a decision.
  8. Hi Becca, keep your chin up and don't beat yourself up about this. It happens. I have been through similar situations with several friends/colleagues over the years. An unplanned/unwanted pregnancy is a massive shock no matter how young or old you are, single or married. You do have a little bit of time to come to a decision, but you have to be careful that you don't let that time get away from you to a point were the decision is no longer yours to make.

    Do you have someone slightly removed from family/friends that you could talk to? Someone you would not necessarily think of telling, like a work colleague, college tutor, aunt or cousin?

    If you tell your exBf then he may support you through a termination if that is what you want. Maybe talking to him is a good idea and his feelings about the situation might help to clarify things for you.

    Take care xx
  9. Do you know anyone your age with a baby or small child? I didn't but when I finally had one with a man I love, who earned enough to keep us off benefits, who has been the right one for me to have as husband and father of my children, I had no idea it would be so demanding and all-consuming.

    The father of yours is bound to find out so you might as well tell him. If he reels back in horror it might help you make a decision. If, as most of them do, he says it's up to you, he is already distancing himself from the proceedings. Please don't be tempted to use it to try and get him back. I've seen that fail so badly so many times. Sorry if that sounds presumptuous.
  10. Just to update you all. Went to drs this afternoon and he confirmed pregnancy, I was totally honest and said I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I have thought a lot about abortion but am honestly not sure I can go through with it. He said Im about 5 weeks pregnant and that I can have a medical abortion using the pills before 9 weeks. Between 9-12 weeks I could have an early surgical abortion which is more invasive. He said he wouldn't refer me for an abortion due to his beliefs but there were other GP's in the practice who would. I felt kinda uncomfortable talking to a man but he was nice and gave me the information I needed. He also said there is plenty of support out there if I decided to keep the baby. He gave me a few bits of info on support for unplanned pregnancies.

    Dinx I've been thinking today about my cousin but she has just had a baby and I think she'd be slightly biased. My aunty is too close to my mum and I really dont have a lot of other family, none of whom I trust anyway.

    Lily, it didnt sound presumptious (sp??). I know a lot of people do use it as an excuse to get back together. BUT. I am not one of those people. It was me who finished it with him and as much as I love him, I think Im in love with who I thought he was not who he is, hence the reason I finished it.
    I do need to tell him because Im scared he'll find out some other way.

    Thank you everyone for your continued support x
  11. I'm sorry to hear that your doctor wouldn't refer you if necessary, I can imagine that makes it more difficult. If you do go for an abortion, I was advised to have the early surgical one which they can do earlier than 9 weeks, it's like a d&c, as it is much less traumatic than the medical one. With the medical one you have to go twice, and you can bleed for weeks and weeks afterwards. They also said that it's very painful. A few doctors advised me that the surgical is 'easier' (if you can say that) than the medical. That was my experience anyway, I'm not trying to sway you, but give a bit more info if it helps you decide. Similar happened to me only a few months ago, so I can empathise with you xx
  12. Becca
    i really hope all sorts out for you. A few months ago i thought i was pregnant, even drove 15 miles to get a test (always bump into kids from school in supermarkets for some reason), and although i wasn't pregnant the whole experience upset me. I started thinking "what ifs".
    Maybe you should treat yourself to a weekend away and give yourself some time. It always helps me to get away.
    Hope this helps
    ((( becca )))
  13. Becca, you are very mature in your outlook, and if you give yourself some more time, I think you'll come up with the best decision for you and the embryo (not yet a baby, and calling it one only makes the decision more emotional.)

    I'm someone who had many miscarriages, and was desperate for a baby. My best friend got pregnant in similar circumstances to you, and couldn't tell me as she was worried what I would think. She had an abortion and it took her years to say anything. I felt dreadful that she'd had to go through that without my support, but I understood why she hadn't felt able to say anything.

    She is now long-time married, with 3 children and has never regretted the abortion, as she knew she would never have been able to do her best by it until she was better off and in an emotionally stronger position.

    I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. I may be older than your mum, but I do still remember life before my wrinkles. Take care ((( )))
  14. Its nice to hear experiences from people who've been through this or know someone who has been through it.

    So tired and upset... now I've told the dr know the next thing is to tell my ex. I cant tell him til I make a decision but I dont want to make the decision on my own, so Im kinda been going round in circles.
  15. Perhaps you should tell him just to see how he feels? For instance, my boyfriend told me what he thought I should do (he wanted me to have an abortion), but also said that ultimately it was my decision, and he would support me either way. I'm sure he would have done so even if we'd broken up but he's like that. Do you think your ex would be like that or would pressure you into what he wanted?
  16. No he wouldnt pressure me. Im just not 100% sure he would support me if I had the baby. I do need to talk to him but Im jus very scared of what he'll say.
  17. If you're scared of what he'll say then maybe you have an inkling of what you really want?
  18. arghhh you're right. I do WANT to keep the baby. But practically and emotionally, I can't do it on my own. It's not the right time. Maybe if we were still together it wouldnt be as bad. But I just don't know if it'd work or if I could do it.
  19. If you want to keep the baby, then you should.
  20. :( I know exactly how you feel...I'm still at uni, so couldn't really practically have a baby, and my bf is in Aus. I still wanted it though, not that I got the choice in the end.
    I really think that if I were in your position then I would tell the ex...at least you'd know if you'd get support. If you want it then you're very likely to regret it later on.

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