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Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by becca0417, Apr 8, 2007.

  1. Morning Becca, and everyone else.
    You were on my mind when I awoke this morning, just wanted to check in and see how you are today.

  2. Hi Scoobs,

    On my mind too...

    Hope the world looks a better place this morning Becca.

    I'm around all day if you want to chat.


  3. ladysue

    ladysue New commenter

    Becca, i hope you are ok this morning. Have you got a friend around who can support you through this?
  4. Just a thought - While I have been going through my own ups and downs with my partner during this pregnancy, I have found some of the threads on Babycenter.com (American spelling) to be quite helpful - lots of other women in the same boat.

    I sometimes find that the last thing I need is to read only the joyous things about being pregnant, and it is reassuring to read that what you are experiencing is quite normal and you are not alone.

    I will pop back on later, hope you are ok x
  5. Sorry I have spent most of today in bed and moping around. Couldnt bear to get up. Didnt sleep well last night.
    I just dont know how to tell him and what to do.
    Have cried a lot today. Feel very emotional. Had stomach cramps and found myself hoping that my period would come and this would all be wrong. But of course its not.
  6. Have you had a chance to speak to your ex about it yet?

    Big hugs coming your way Bec

  7. No. Im not going to tell him for a few days. I know I need to get my own head around this and try and figure out what I want before I speak to him as he will try and persuade me that this is a reason for us to get back together, which it isn't. Im jus so confused.
    Im tired have hardly had any sleep jus been lyin in bed starin at the ceiling. Ill try and get up tomorrow.
    Hope everybodys OK
  8. Hi Becca,
    just posting to say I wish you well with whatever you decide. There is no rush take your time and weigh everything up.
    Best of luck x
  9. Have you spoken to anyone about this (except us lot)? I think talking things through with anyone (pref. someone close) would be a good move for you to make.

    Take care of yourself xxx
  10. Thank you Prima. I know I have to make the decision and the sooner the better but feel so confused and useless at the moment. At least have pulled myself out of bed.
  11. hey becca...i only started reading this post last night so i've not been with you since the beginning and i hope that im not out of line with these comments...

    it is ok to be moping around, don't let yourself rush into anything until you are certain the decision you make is 100% right for you and is 100% your decision...

    i do truely believe that if you decide not to keep on with the pregnancy then not telling your ex would be the best option...he never has to know as long as you can be certain that no-one else will tell him...what he doesn't know wont hurt him..like you said he'd try to use it as a reason to get back togehter when you don't want that...i don't think its being "sneaky" or wrong...remember in medicine terms you are carrying an embryo, a ball of undifferentiated cells with no function or distinguishing features...

    if it were me i wouldn't want his opinions clouding my judgement..its your decision only...he has no legal rights in the matter so why tell him?

    if it were me and i decided to keep the baby then thats another matter...then i would tell him but make it clear that good co-parents without being a couple.

    i can't imagine what you're going through but if it were me i would tell 1 person only before making my decision and it wouldn't be the ex

    does any of this help? i apologise if i've been a bit forthcoming but somtimes, like you've said before, it takes an outsider to have an impartial opinion.
  12. I know. The thing is I know if I tell the only person I trust enough to help me, it could still get back to him. He is in my circle of friends and all it takes is for my friend to tell to her boyfriend, and even if she tells him not to tell anyone he will. I just dont want him to find out through other people, thats not fair.
    I do agree about not telling lots of people if thats what I decide though. Thats why this has been great - no one knows me and I can get good advice from someone who's not involved.#
    Everyones posts have helped and I appreciate all your time x
  13. becca - if you want to email me about anything, my address is vik_starlette @ hotmail.com

  14. hmm...realy difficult if his friends are your friends boyfriends...you could do with finding someone completely removed from the friendship group...anyone who lives in a different town from you and your ex's mates?

    if there isn't, hmm.... i think i would not tell anyone if i was most likely swaying towards an abortion....i think i could cope with a decision like that on my own but other people may not be able to

    its difficult because you would ideally like someone else to say "i agree with your decision" as it is obviously a massive decision to make and you would like assurance that someone else would also make the same choice as you...but you also want to be certain that the decision is 100% your thoughts and not swayed by other people.

    no matter how good and honest and trusting your relationship was you are no longer together...and we all know women all over britain raise children on their own...but it just such a massive change of your life...

    for me, knowing i could get pregnant again in the future when i chose to, with a partner, would sway it for me...its not like this is a once in a lifetime oportunity to get pregnant? pleae also don't be swayed by horrible pro-life adverts etc, very early abortions really are not much worse than a smear i dont think...its just the emotional strain that is bad

    is it ok to ask about your age, financial, house situation etc? im a 2nd year teacher, renting, 24, next to nothing in savings, always in my overdraft, love going out to gigs, just got onto the career ladder....the thought of staying pregnant wouldn't even enter my mind..but then again you've got to take each and every case on its own merits and faults....think about the support financially and emotionally form friends, family, ex, work etc...would it be do-able?
  15. Hi becca, sorry to hear that you're not feeling much better today. Glad to see that you're still posting though. Anyways, so many other people are offering advice already so I just thought I'd say hi and let you know that I'm still reading the posts.

    ROSIEGIRL Lead commenter

    I've been checking the thread on and off all day, wondering how you are. Glad to hear from you.

    Moping is good right now ... totally normal, I'd have thought. Be kind to yourself becca!
  17. How far on are you? If you want an abortion the sooner the better. I think you're right to keep it to yourself for a while because if there's one thing other people like it's a baby at one remove. Your parents will only see a lovely little grandchild. Your ex wil probably quite fancy being A Real Man until the financial reality is explained to him.

    I got pregnant by accident at 19 and had an abortion. I have never regretted it. I know things are easier financially now than they were back then but you should not underestimate the impact on your life of a baby whose father is already an ex and who would probably not be coming back if there weren't a baby involved.
  18. Hope you're feeling ok. This site amazes me - people really pull together to help.

    I can imagine a little of your bewilderment at the minute. I'm pregnant (8 1/2 weeks) and still getting used to the idea. I suppose we were "trying", although my husband is far more keen on the idea of being a dad than I am on being a mum. I have had a couple of wobbles recently, where I've wondered what the hell I'm doing. I like my life, and I'm very reluctant for it to change. I know I'll get used to the idea, but the nausea, cramps, backache and achy boobs aren't helping the little prawn's case at the moment!

    My reason for posting this is that you need to know it's ok to make the decision you want to. It's your body. It's your life. It will change beyond all recognition, and if you're happy for that to happen, then go for it! If you're just not ready though, don't be afraid that people will judge you or tell you that you "have to have it". This is a massive deal in my life, and I'm still getting my head round it, and that's with a supportive husband. I do admire you for saying that this isn't a reason to get back together with your ex, too.

    Good luck, and keep posting. A lot of people care, and they will all listen.
  19. morning you...just checking in on you....my husband left when i was pregnant with our second and altho scarey at first....it was easier without him in a way

    you show maturity by not wanting your ex to think this is a valid reason to get back.babies just dont act like relationship glue and put extra strain on people

    you have time to make a decision...it is yours alone....i do think morally he should be told...or it is a secret you will always have to keep.

    being apart wouldnt mean your baby wouldnt have a relationship wth his/her dad

    take your time.....be strong....keep in touch

    love hex.xx
  20. Morning everyone.
    Ive been reading all your lovely and supportive posts and must say some of them have made me cry. Its so nice to be able to 'talk' to people and put down honestly how Im feeling when at the moment Im putting on a brave face for everyone else.
    I guess I dont have the financial means to bring up the baby on my own, Im in debt and have a massive overdraft. Love my social life. Know this would disappear.
    On the other hand Im a great believer that whatevers meant to be will be. So that makes it hard to make a decision.
    I am going to tell my ex for definite, I cant keep this from him and if I did, I'd spend the whole time worrying he was going to find out. If I have an abortion I wouldnt be able to do it on my own. I wouldnt necessarily want his support in that but I would want my friends and I have an awful feeling telling her would end up with him finding out.
    It's so hard at the moment to keep myself from running back to him because I do still love him. But I know I need to get things clear in my mind before I do tell ANYONE.
    Thanks everbody for all your kind comments and support - even though you dont know me. It means a lot.

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