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On the practicalities of the bowel cancer screening test

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Duke of York, Jan 16, 2016.

  1. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    To add to the misery of aches and pains, finding something's gone wrong with the mirror and the cost of a haircut becoming less value on each successive occasion, Once you hit sixty, the NHS takes a keen interest in your bowel motions and requests they be posted in part, from time to time.

    It seems it isn't good enough to send them the paper you wiped your arsse with, they need samples of the early and late parts of the motion.

    I had one of these poo sample requests in the mail a month or so ago. It remained in my in-tray amid the bills, Christmas charity pleas and threatening letters until my sweetheart did some de-cluttering this week and insisted I attend to it.

    It's easier said than done, isn't it? How do you go about it, and what mishaps have you had you can entertain us with?
  2. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    Hello, your highness.
    I am not yet 60, so the NHS is uninterested in my plumbing. I know nothing about stool samples, but I will tell you a true story.

    I used to have a lovely, elderly neighbour who was a kind and dignified gentleman in every sense of the word. His dignity turned out to be misplaced as he noticed changes in his bowel habits but decided not to report it to his GP, a young lady. By the time his symptoms became impossible to hide from his wife of forty plus years, it was too late and he died soon afterwards.

    I appreciate that you would like some funny anecdotes, your royal dukedom, but Bill was a lovely old chap and he died too soon. I have resolved never to die from embarrassment. Do the test, however icky it may be. Bowel cancer is survivable when caught early.
    Dragonlady30 and Flere-Imsaho like this.
  3. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    I'm sure all you say is true, rosie. I'm not reluctant to comply, just interested in how everyone goes about it.
  4. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    My brother died of bowel cancer at the age of 47.
    I would not want anyone to have to go through what he had to endure during the last 3 months of his life.
    As rosievoice has said, better to survive than die from embarrassment.
  5. ScotSEN

    ScotSEN Senior commenter

    I'm not yet 60 but I've had the kits - more than one in fact I think they started at 50.

    Any how no funny stories but I find having a supply of disposable gloves and something to fit into the toilet and catch the poo useful. The trays that you get meat or chicken in at the supermarket come in handy. I also found it useful to wait until the holidays. No way was I trying to get samples while in the loos at work.
  6. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    We have already had this thread when a few of us hit 60. If you look it up there were quite a few helpful hints - and much revulsion from one particular poster who still has this treat in store.
  7. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    HelenREMfan likes this.
  8. artboyusa

    artboyusa Star commenter

    They require multiple samples. Unless you want to take your 'specimen' home from work, wait for a bank holiday weekend is my tip.
  9. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    This growing older business is wonderful, is it not?
    xena-warrior, InkyP and Middlemarch like this.
  10. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    Just thank your lucky stars we still have this service though.
    xena-warrior likes this.
  11. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

  12. FritzGrade

    FritzGrade Senior commenter

    Just read the instructions and do it. It's not difficult. Nobody will see you, so don't be embarrassed.
    minnie me and wanet like this.
  13. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    My husband has done this twice .He returns the sample ASAP and gets the results back within a week.
    wanet likes this.
  14. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    I still haven't got round to it. It's been four months.
  15. wanet

    wanet Star commenter

    Have also done it twice - not really much of a problem!
  16. xena-warrior

    xena-warrior Star commenter

    After my friend recently died of bowel cancer at 62, having deposited the stool sample kit in the bin, I hotfooted it to the GP and said "I'm not 60 but I'd like a test please." He said "Have you noticed any symptoms?" I said I hadn't (but neither had my friend) and he ordered the kit.
    Disposable latex gloves if you must (I just washed my hands) and something to catch it in (big wad of bog roll served), sheet of newspaper on the floor for ermmm...sorting, job (sorry) done.
    InkyP and wanet like this.
  17. rosievoice

    rosievoice Star commenter

    There's no dignity with yer plumbing, alas...
  18. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    Plastic glove, kitchen roll. Drop droppings onto roll held in gloved hand. Take smear and smear on relevant place on cardboard mailer. Drop roll and droppings in lavatory and flush. Put glove in bin. Wash hands.
  19. FritzGrade

    FritzGrade Senior commenter

    Gloves are for wimps.
  20. racroesus

    racroesus Star commenter

    If I were to omit the gloves after some hours snelling hooks for fishing I might pass traces of blood to the mailer and trigger a false positive. Believe me, after an innings with the restricted diet, starvation and the abominable laxative fluid taking care is a good idea.

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