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older man

Discussion in 'Personal' started by squish831, Jan 16, 2011.

  1. I am 25 and currently live at home with my mum and dad and I am supposed to be meeting up with a man tonight that I met on a night out in my home town, i had a great time chatting to him and have been chatting to him on the phone, text etc ever since.
    My only reservation is that he is 39 and feel this may be an issue more so for my family than anyone else.
    I have 3 older and 1 younger brother and an older sister who are the same or younger in age than this man and i know they will presume he is too old and is not suitable for me.
    He has no kids, no wife or ex wife , has been in long term relationships (a 10 year relationship, joint split) has a job and somewhere to live.
    I am going to go tonight to meet him for a drink and my sister has encouraged me to just see how it goes.
    I am not sure really why I am posting this on here I just wondered if anyone else had been in this position I guess and whether it had ever been an issue for others. Just a point for discussion I guess.
     
  2. I'm not so much wondering what a 25 yr old woman would see in a 39 yr old man as what a 39 yr old man would see in a 25 yr old woman. And I'm not really wondering.
     
  3. Well, at 25 you're hardly a teenager. I think you're more than old enough to decide wheter or not to pursue a relationship with a 39 year old.

    I went out with someone a bit older in my twenties. I think if you like each other and get on well, age (up to a certain point) is irrelevant.
     
  4. SleighBelle

    SleighBelle Occasional commenter

    Mr Belle is 13 years older than me (I'm 27, he's 40) and it's never even been broached as an issue with my friends or family.
    How do you 'know' they will presume he's not suitable for you? Have they made comments in the past?
    It seems like you're worrying about nothing, to be honest and even if they have objections, tough. It's your life and the people you date have nothing to do with them.
    Above all else, you hardly know the man. Figure out whether YOU want to develop a relationship with him first, before even thinking about the reactions of others.
     
  5. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    I'm not convinced that I'd fancy a man 14 years older than me but then I'm 53 so he'd be 67. I'm inclined to think it's fine when they're in their prime but not so great when heading into old age well before I am.
     
  6. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    On the other hand Clint Eastwood is 80...
     
  7. I'm thinking more of what I'd think if an almost-40 yr old of my acquaintance announced that he'd pulled a 25 yr old.
     
  8. My OH is 11 years older than me and although at the start it was not an issue- now it is. We have teenage children and he doesn't connect at all- bad tempered with them, music too loud etc. I feel like I live with an old man.
    I have changed, matured maybe since we got married whereas he is exactly the same as when we first got together- too old to change, selfish, old fashioned.
    I wouldn't do it again if I had the chance- could be wrong man but I think its because we think differently because of our age.
    sorry for being so negative :)
     
  9. kibosh

    kibosh Star commenter

    OP, it's not his age and the age difference that worries me it's HIS relationship history, or lack of, or blatant lies about all his exploits. Maybe he's just fussy and has been waiting for the ONE.
    Hmmm. Would need to meet him myself and one stare into his eyes and I'd know . . . . . .whether they were blue, brown or grey.
    Hard to tell sometimes without the backstory.
     
  10. catmother

    catmother Lead commenter

    My best friend's second wife is not as yet 3O. He's 45. They met 3 years ago. He's my friend,she is his wife. What else is there to think?
     
  11. Quite a lot.
     
  12. Is she looking for a father figure / *sugar daddy*?
    Is he a bit immature?
    Is she a bit staid?
    Is he afraid of women his own age?
    For starters.
     
  13. Age is a number.
    My husband was 25 years older than me, some friends gave us six months when we first got together. They did have the decency to say they'd been wrong though.
    That was fifteen years and two beautiful children later, and it was at his funeral which is the only reason we're not still together.
    Go and see what happens, he could just be the one, mine was.
    If he's not what have you got to lose, enoy the evening.
     
  14. catmother

    catmother Lead commenter

    Well,he was married to me! That is bound to leave it's mark....
     
  15. catmother

    catmother Lead commenter

    its mark.
     
  16. Lol.

    Sorry - my daft list was a bit harsh and then I saw what Dipsue had written and felt awful. Yeah, age is just a number - maybe.
     
  17. I am perhaps cynical because the (limited) number of men I know that went for women in ther twenties did it to show they could. Trophy young bird. I've still got it.
    That is of course not to say that yours will be like this and you have sounded him out online. As another said (remember the good old days when you could see the whole thread when leaving a reply?), you have nothing to lose by meeting up and I do hope it goes well.
     
  18. smoothnewt

    smoothnewt Lead commenter

    I have a colleague (who is also a good friend) who married when he was 40 and his wife 28. The have probably the strongest marriage of anyone I know and are devoted to eachother. Mind you he is mentally very young, very funny, very fit - you'd never guess he was now 61. As has been said, age is a number - it is the character and personality that matters.
     
  19. SleighBelle

    SleighBelle Occasional commenter

    Grrr... I wrote a really long reply and my connection cut out so I lost it!
    I'm with Dipsue (and others) here. I see absolutely no issue with a 25 year old seeing a 40 year old. Male/female, female/male. It's nigh on impossible to know what really goes on in other people's relationships, so who are we to judge? There may be highly-successful age-gap relationships that stand the test of time. There may also be highly-successful relationships between people of the same age.
    Why think the worst of everyone? Why assume that a relationship between a 40 year old man and a 25 year old women is only occuring because he has commitment issues/she's looking for a 'Daddy'/ he's a pervert?
    Variety is the spice of life, right? Four and a half years down the line (and counting), my 'age-gap' relationship is the happiest, most long-lasting and fulfilling relationship I've had.
     
  20. Why think the worst of everyone?
    Experience. Observation.
     

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