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Old friends and cards/messages dilemma

Discussion in 'Personal' started by SCAW12, Oct 13, 2018.

  1. SCAW12

    SCAW12 Occasional commenter

    I have three friends I met at University 18 years ago. Saw them recently after two years (I instigated a meet up in August) and as we left they said we shouldn't leave it as long next time.

    Sent a message to group chat couple of weeks later suggesting we meet October time, one replied, the other two ignored my message. It's one of the ignoring ones birthdays next week. To be honest I wonder why I'm bothering to send a card as usual when the person blatantly ignored my message. I probably see them as a group about once every two years on average but don't want to be rude by not sending a card.
    Card or no card that is the question!
  2. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    Is she someone who hardly ever looks at their phone? I know a few people like that who don't pick up messages for ages.

    If this isn't the reason I'd probably send a card and wait to see if she sends me one for birthday or Christmas and if not then don't bother any more.
    forthejoyofit, SCAW12 and needabreak like this.
  3. maggie m

    maggie m Lead commenter

    I have a small group of friends that I met at university nearly 40 years ago. We still exchange Xmas cards but birthday cards stopped years ago.We get together once a year , it used to be more often but life moves on, we all have busy lives. When we do get together we have a great time. I would hate to lose touch though none of us is very good at texts, or emails and we don't do social media.
    SCAW12 and chelsea2 like this.
  4. grumpydogwoman

    grumpydogwoman Star commenter

    It's only a piddlin' birthday card!

    Just do it. Occupy the moral high ground.
  5. Duke of York

    Duke of York Star commenter

    You can add me to your list. I'll answer the phone if it rings, but I can't be having with checking the sodding thing every few minutes to see if someone has sent a message.
    mothorchid and SCAW12 like this.
  6. SCAW12

    SCAW12 Occasional commenter

    This made me laugh! Thanks all. Will post it today.
    lindenlea and grumpydogwoman like this.
  7. Orkrider2

    Orkrider2 Star commenter

    I check messages but often forget to reply, or reply and don't send, or start to reply and the have to stop to do something else... Re the card, send a card. You never know what else is going on in someone's life that means they might have forgotten to reply to a group text.
    Lalad, sparkleghirl, SCAW12 and 2 others like this.
  8. sparkleghirl

    sparkleghirl Star commenter

    Don't sweat it. Costs virtually nothing to send a birthday message and relatively little to send a real card.
  9. RepelloInimicum

    RepelloInimicum Lead commenter

    It doesn't really matter whether someone reciprocates the gesture. If you actually want to send a card then do so. If you don't, don't.
  10. InkyP

    InkyP Star commenter

    I think it's more about whether the other person wants to continue the relationship.
  11. sparklepig2002

    sparklepig2002 Star commenter

    I would send a card.
  12. Lalad

    Lalad Star commenter

    This is so true. I went through a really difficult time that lasted several years - I couldn't /didn't respond to messages in Christmas and birthday cards from friends offering support, but there was one in particular, an old school friend who I hadn't seen since we were teenagers, who kept writing the same message, time after time: here's my number, if you ever want to chat, or if you'd like me to visit, I'm here. In the end (after about three years) I called her and we now meet up five or six times a year and have become really good friends.

    It wasn't that I didn't want to continue the relationship - I was just in a really bad place and couldn't face people, and I'm so glad she didn't give up and write me off.
    mothorchid and freckle06 like this.
  13. freckle06

    freckle06 Lead commenter

    I have a couple of college friends I meet in the big smoke. I saw one in February and will see the other in November. I did arrange to meet both of them at the same time a few years ago - they hadn't seen each other since they graduated. We had a lovely time but neither have mentioned seeing the other again so I just see them individually and have a lovely time.

    I have another friend I would love to see, I usually send a birthday card (forgot this year) and always send a Christmas card, but never receive one in return as they 'don't do cards'. Still I carry on... I invited her for a significant birthday and she actually wrote to say she wouldn't come (it's a 6 hour journey) but it turns out she's had debilitating arthritis since her 20s. Still, I do think of her fondly, so will continue to send cards, even if nothing comes back.
    Lalad and colpee like this.
  14. minnie me

    minnie me Star commenter

    Ah . I meet with school friends - 50 years on ! now and then - really should not work but it does ! Special ? !

    I have a friend from college ( Class of 75 ! ) who every year in her Xmas card hints at meeting ( have not seen her for over 30 years ) up so I duly suggest a venue half way and say ' to suit '..... this summer our school reunion ( 10 of us ) was not far from my college friend's home so I texted her , giving months of notice and suggested a quick meet ( to be honest I also told her that I had discovered that her ex boyfriend had died and was sorry to hear the circumstances of his passing ( he kind of lived with us when we were all students ). She replied almost immediately but I suspect to find out more about her ex .I sent a link. Re the weekend meet she said that she would come up with some ideas - that was June and my school chums and I actually got to gether at the beginning of this month. I really do understand if folk do not want to catch up after so long . I am not at all sociable (though you may be forgiven thinking otherwise when reading this post ) not in the least offended that the catch up with her did not happen .... I very much enjoy my own company BUT I would never suggest that I intended / wanted to see someone if I really didn't. I did think of sending my college friend a text saying it was a shame we hadn't managed to organise something but decided against .... I think if you really want to re connect with someone you do so without the excuse of being near by . Will she send me that Xmas card this year ? !

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