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Ok, I admit to being a **** dad

Discussion in 'Personal' started by modelmaker, Mar 8, 2012.

  1. modelmaker

    modelmaker Lead commenter

    So here am I pondering what do with my kid when she visits me next week. She's the best kid a father could hope for, but from the moment she was conceived I had the wrong game plan. She was born on April Fool's Day, and if that isn't enough to live down, she has a clown like me for a father who can't tell a calendar from from a clock and have frequently overlooked her birthday, just as I do with everyone else I know. It's a failing I have, and one I constantly have to apologise and try to make amends for.
    But this year I can be prepared, because there's time to get it sorted in advance and we can have some great days when she visits if someone can give me a clue what appeals to 31 year old women. I knew what they really wanted when I was 31 but as it's my daughter, this isn't an option for me.
    What would you suggest?
  2. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    A nice day out together.
  3. marlin

    marlin Star commenter

    Go to see a show/play/art gallery/film (hard to say without knowing her interests) and then have a meal somewhere nice.
  4. ...But check first that she hasn't got somethig else planned or that someone else hasn't planned to surprise her on that day! Or tell her now that you'd like to do something and she can keep the day free.
  5. modelmaker

    modelmaker Lead commenter

    No, giraffe, we get along fine. There was a time things were a little strained after I divorced her mother, but since she's grown up and realised she needed to move out herself to retain her sanity, she appears to understand that the divorce was something that had to be done.
    I have taken the trouble to distance myself from the decisions she makes, other than to be encouraging about them and help her see the positives when things look grim. I wouldn't have wanted my parents to tell me how to live my life, so I try my best not to question anything she does. She's more sensible than I am anyway.
    In actual fact, she's a Samaritan, hates her day job and would like to be able to afford to study councelling at uni, but the prospect for this is slim, and unfortunately I'm not in a position to help her other than providing a roof over her head in my house, if she wanted it, and food in her belly whilst she studied, but I think her view would be that I ought to spend the little money I have on myself. Maybe I'll win the lottery tomorrow and she'll see things differently?
    In any event, one thing we can do together, as we do every few months when she visits, is clear the garage of wine bottles. I wish Tesco would take the empties back as they offer to do with the plastic bags, but that's too sensible, isn't it?

  6. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Speaking as a daughter, I think the most precious gift you can give her is your time and attention. The rest, the money stuff, doesn't matter in the end.
  7. Bethannie

    Bethannie New commenter

    I haven't seen birth-dad in years....decades actually.
    If he came back into my life what would I want us to do? I'd like him to talk (actually I'd like him to apologise but that's another story!)...I'd want him to tell me he loved me....it would be lovely if he called me by my family 'pet' name....he could buy me a dressed crab for my lunch and take me to a second hand book shop.
    Basically, despite being in my 50s I'd want to spend some daddy/daughter time....
    ...and I think your daughter would like that best too MM....Don't plan anything special. just be her dad.
  8. Anonymous

    Anonymous New commenter

    mm, hug her and tell her you love her and that she's the best daughter a dad could wish for. Cook her some of your excellent meals; take her out where she fancies going; ask her what she would like to do. And have a lovely time together.
  9. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    As you are near London I would recommend a day out in Greenwich. If you come into Central London you could travel out there by boat and listen to all of the stories about the river. Then there is a market to explore, walks round the park and the Observatory.
  10. Piranha

    Piranha Star commenter

    If your budget would run to it you could do a train to London, matinee performance of a show, dinner (chance to bond) and train home.Let her choose the show and where to eat. If you are really keen, stay in London for the night.
  11. jellytot24

    jellytot24 New commenter

    You sound like a lovely dad MM.

    I'm 31 at the end of March and my dad has also always been a bit forgetful when it comes to important dates - the only reason he remembers mine more often than my siblings' is because we share the same bday!

    If it was me, I would love for him to take me on a day out to London, like we used to when I was a kid. All the traditional sights, lots of walking and pointing out silly things, seeing the sights. Last year we went to see The Mousetrap and it was brilliant, we still talk about it. If you want a particular thing to do, I would suggest the above and then go to see The 39 Steps - a day out in the chilly Spring air and then a nice cosy evening sitting in a comfy theatre all warm and happy - perfect.

    Whatever you do, enjoy it and I hope your daughter (and you) really enjoy the day xx
  12. Taipei101

    Taipei101 New commenter

    I'm 37 (had to check with my husband on that).

    My Dad passed away almost 5 years ago.

    He was a great guy but also an absolute b*gg*e who I loved to death.

    If I could meet up and spend some time together then I'd opt for:

    Home cooked dinner, good weather and to sit outside and talk about life, love & the universe.

    'cause you love Campbeltown, I'd suggest playing Mull of Kintyre, eat makrel, mussels, oysters and langoustines.

    I have many happy memories in those parts too.

    Enjoy your day
  13. modelmaker

    modelmaker Lead commenter

    Well she's here now and tucked up in bed, hence the reason I've been off air all evening till now. Her wants tomorrow are to walk the dog and to have me get my hair checked out by a sytlist. I think there's one of these I can afford and don't mind letting her have her way with.
    And then i asked her what she would really like for her birthdayand it turns out to be a food processor just like ours. Don't even try to imagine what it cost. It was one of the many things my sweetheart wasted the lump some her pension gave her during the week she felt incline to rid herself of the burden of having money in the bank.
    So that't's what we're sorting out first them. Food processsor. I said we'd do it on the internet instead of trawling the streets. But you see, here again I hit this hurdle. Is it enough to buy it online and have it delivered to her home or is it better to waste all day together driving between shops so we can find one that has it for anothe £30 extra and she can take it home with her?
  14. time spent is never time wasted
  15. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Order online and spend the day somewhere nicer than shops.
  16. bombaysapphire

    bombaysapphire Star commenter

    I agree.
  17. clear_air

    clear_air New commenter

    Ask her how she wants to do it. So long as you have a chat, I think that's the main thing. If you're anything like me and my dad, we need to be actually doing something to chat - with my mum and I can sit about and natter, but it's not the same with my dad. We're both too restless and busy!!

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