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Oh good god, I'm nervous

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by dozymare1957, Sep 3, 2012.

  1. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    I feel for both of you. When I read threads like this and others that come up on workplace dilemmas my stomach churns. I can't imagine anything worse that dreading going to work.
    You've both chosen a vocation and it's tragic that you feel this way when you should be excited about starting a new year.
    kstring - I presume the school was in SM when you went there. If that's the case, you are hardly responsible, are you? If Ofsted are looking at a school in SM, they are possibly harder on everyone and be really nit-picky. It's human nature. Put that behind you. This is a new year and you are ready for it. Ok, so your OH will be away for a couple of nights a week. Make these your planning/marking nights (Yes, I know you'll need more time than this but make these the only nights that you actually work at home) so that when he's at home you can spend as much time together as possible. Make this a positive thing and not something that's going to upset you. Honestly, being positive can make things seem much better.
    You both have three choices and you are adults so you must make this choice yourselves. Either you look for another less stressful job; look for another teaching job or grab the bull by the horns and become the best teacher in your school.
    I'm a great believer in listing pros and cons. When you do this and then you may find the answer.
    S4 your job has already made you ill. Is your health more important than teaching?
    Did you both choose teaching because it's the only thing you ever wanted to do? If not, then maybe you made the wrong decision. If it is then are you going to let bullies drive you out?
    Right S4, you're being observed on Wednesday . Think back to the best lesson you did when you were training. What did you do that was so good? What did you learn from the feedback and your reflection? What can you take with you on Wednesday? What was the worst lesson? What went wrong? What did you learn? Get some rescue remedy to help with the nerves and knock 'em dead. You can do it. Don't let the beggars get you!
    I send you both a big hug and hope to hear back that you are doing well.

     
  2. Hi Dozymare, thanks for your reply.


    Weirdly enough, I know I'm very negative, but after such a bad year at the school I feel like I can do no right. That's how performance management, the senior team and to some extent the kids have made me feel. I'm devastated that my career is turning out like this, I wanted to be a teacher so badly and even during the hard times in my PGCE I thought about my desire and aspiration to be a teacher and it got me through. Now, it just doesn't seem to work.


    The school was not in special measures when I started, but it had become an academy and a very unpopular amalgamation had taken place. Many felt that special measures was something the school needed as the head was doing very little to sort the problems. There has been an amazing level of progress since being put into SM around Easter last year, and I know my second Ofsted observation was better, but still inadequate. I'm getting support, but this is not the first time I'm been placed on a support programme after poor lesson observations. I did so well in my NQT year and I really thought I COULD do it, now it seems I can't. The standards are so high and I don't think I'm up for it.


    I'm not a quitter and I didn't take a single day off last year, and I don't intend to, although right now I want to curl up in a ball and cry. My department are very supportive and I'm thankful for that, but the HoD has planned to retire in Easter and another good friend in the dept is pregnant and will be on maternity leave in February. I'm already very worried about that and will try my hardest to find a new job by then.


    Don't get me wrong, I will do what I can to get better. But the thought of the work I have to put in to meet the school's demands and the constant observations before Ofsted is turning my stomach. I get an overwhelming sense of guilt when a lesson doesn't go right or I plan a lesson I know would be viewed as inadequate by Ofsted.


    I just feel so plagued by negative thoughts and self-doubt, I will work myself into the ground to prove myself, but I just feel like I'll never manage it.


    Maybe I'm just being over dramatic because I'm tired, emotional and quite overwhelmed. We'll see what the week holds
     
  3. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    Have you read your post?
    You want to be a teacher - this is your vocation. Here's a positive - you've got a job it may be a sh1t job but you've got one. Think of all the unemployed teachers and those of us who are working as TAs or CSs or doing cover. I know you're thinking of looking for another job but it is easier to get a job when you have one already so that's another positive.
    You have totally lost your self esteem - so you must find it again. Remember, you did well in your NQT year. Keep this in mind and forget about the last year.
    You're not a quitter - that's a real positive. If you are bloody minded enough you will beat this.
    You're tired - now you need to get a couple of early nights. I know this is hard but you need the sleep. Check out the insomnia thread for advice.
    Of course your overwhelmed - EVERYTHING is going wrong. Your OH is going to be away a couple of nights a week and you're worried; your supportive HoD is leaving; your friend is leaving and you're in a school in SM. So how can you get over some of these things? What is the positive? OH away - two free nights to work or to get an early night and you get control of the remote. HoD isn't leaving for ages - you have four whole terms of support so make the most of it. Who knows, the next HoD might be even better. Your friend is going on maternity leave - be pleased for her. Take an interest in her pregnancy it might take your mind off your problems.
    I c0cked up practically every observation on my teacher training course because I was so nervous. Eventually I decided to ignore my observer and just teach as if there was nobody there. My lessons were really good then. It's very much mind over matter though. Can you do this? It's pretty hard. In all honesty, if your observations are going that badly, can they be worse if you pretend the observer isn't there and just be yourself? Stop trying to tick the boxes and just deliver a brilliant lesson in your own style.
    So, remember Pollyanna and try to find something to be glad about and if you want to punch me for being horrible, feel free. I'm very thick skinned. I hope that, rather than annoying you, this has helped to you think. Do feel free to rant here again. I'll keep this in my hotlist.
     
  4. hogglepop

    hogglepop New commenter

    My advice to both of you - get out whilst you can.

    As a mature student I worked for a number of years as first a scientist for several companies, working my way up top a senior departmental manager. I then retrained as a Chemistry teacher. ~It was the worst experience of my life. I was the only person who actually had real world experience outside of working in schools (including the PGCE tutors, mentors , other students, heads of departments) and what I saw shocked me. A complete lack of support, an unbearable workload, abuse by children, abuse by staff , abuse by management, zero autonomy, teachers with depression, teachers having breakdowns, zero work life balance, poor pay, abysmal work space - all of this was normalised by those in the industry who know no better having very little real world experience.

    What I saw wasn't a profession but a vocation in crisis...
     
  5. Well said. I would not start this career again because of the issues mentioned above. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to start again in another career.
     
  6. casper

    casper New commenter

    I have worked outside Education too, I have some good experience I could share, but no one wants to know. They see you as a threat rather than someone who just has a different experience from a different background. There are quite a lot of teachers where i work have been there since teacher training and are near retirement age. They have never been anywhere else.
     

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