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Nursery child's behaviour

Discussion in 'Behaviour' started by rlleasl2, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. Thanks for your advice.
    His favourite thing that he loves to do is be the line leader for when we leave the room. We ban him from doing this if he is being unkind/silly etc but by taking this away he acts up even worse. It seems his attitude is: "If I can't do that, then there's no point in me being good!" When he is good, we let him be the line leader but this never leads to him wanting to do good all the time. Even when he is being good but we choose someone else, he has a massive tantrum! At this point, we say acknowledge that he is being good and then explain that we need to let our friends have a turn.
    One thing that the LA SENCo did say was that she thought he was suffering from low self esteem and this usually represents in the way this boy is acting. She saw him being kind at 10.30 then at 11.30 he was acting up and that's when my supervisor had to step in. She gave him praise at 10.30 then within the hour he had upset and was wanting to provoke a response. It's almost as if the boy says to himself, "Who can I wind up today?"
    I like your idea of ignoring him and then let him return to his activity - that way he won't get the response he needs from the staff and the kids. Will try that tomorrow!
  2. minnieminx

    minnieminx New commenter

    This part confused me a little, so possibly it confuses him. Is being a line leader a reward for being good? Or is it his job always, that he is banned from when being naughty?

    If it is the first then he needs to be told 'Well done....you have been good today so can be line leader' each and every time so he links the two things together. At the moment even if he is being good he might not get to be line leader, so will not link the two things.

    If it is the second then he needs to always be the line leader, unless he has been naughty. And in that situation be told 'Because you have been naughty, you cannot be line leader'. And then follow the other poster's advice to ignore the tantrum that will ensue while he learns.

    Three year olds do not decide to 'wind someone up'. They simply don't have the mental capacity to do that. He might well want attention and have the low self esteem that means he expects to only get attention for being naughty. Or might not know what they 'good' thing to do it, so does whatever and it turns out to be wrong. I would try to have a member of staff with him as often as possible, playing positively with him, letting him lead the play and being OTT with praise and encouragement. At the end of the day when his mother collects him, mention to her all the good things he did and forget to mention the minor tantrums as mum probably reinforces them with lots of talk about them at home.

    This positive attention will raise his self esteem. Couple it with the total ignoring, given by the previous poster, for tantrums and you will begin to see changes.

    But do remember that he has learnt this behaviour over 3 years, it won't get better in a week. It might even get worse while he tries out the new boundaries to see if you all give up. Stay strong and it will get better.
  3. i would ask the LA SENco for a definiton of selfesteem as this is a term often bandied about with little or no thought or understanding. this child is very young. He is either acting badly because of poor parenting or because of a medical condition. You indicate that it is the former but he could have asperger's syndrome for example. i assume not as theSENco hasn't suggested this.
    So if his behaviour is down to poor parenting his problem is not low self esteem (yet - he's too young) but it is that does not know how to behave in a socially acceptable manner. All children are born egocentric in order to survive. His behaviour is immature.
    I wouldn't praise him or tick him off. i would simply remove him and replace him describing what I was doiing. "I am taking you out of class because you are screaming." "I am returning you to the class because you are quiet."
    I would get activities out that he likes and play with them near him, describing out loud to myself what I am doing. "I am getting the bikes out of the shed so we can playon them after snacktime." I would allow him to join in if he initiated other wise I would continue to ignore him.
    Last child I did this with came into school kicking and biting ( he bit me and the headteacher!!).His behaviour improved to acceptable level within 6 weeks.
  4. I would ignore parent's wishes and let him sleep as long as he wants - refer to previous post about bad parenting! You and thischild should not be held hostage by the unreasonabe demands of his parents - if he needs an hour and half he should get an hour and half sleep - they're the ones who've decided to have achildand then shove him in daycare for most of his waking life! get your supervisor on side with this - of course he'll behvae badly if he's tired.
    learn to ignore - ignore his smirking, ignore his murmurings, ignore his not listening if you can - in fact as much as possible ignore him! I really mean this - ignore him when he's good, ignore him when he's silly. Work, play and enjoy the other children - but be ready to allow him to join in if he wants - DO NOT make any value comment on his joining such as 'oh good boy you're joining in' just facilitiate him joining in by ensuring he has enough equipment, enough room etc.
    If he's running around the room can't you just pick himup and shove him outside in the garden area? I do this with my unruly boys (sorry - sexist but true) -but the garden area is very safe!
    Pick your battles - don't insist he does things that don't have any bearing on the rest of the group - so if he doesn't answer the register just IGNORE and move on to the next child.
    Focus on the positive aspects of your job - the lovely children, the appreciative parents. Try and spread the load of this one child's behaviour - get help from your colleagues.
    You sound whacked out you poor thing.
  5. Tried the stickers for each activity and out of 9, he got 3. It didn't seem to bother him that he wasn't getting the stickers, or that he did get the three stickers. I am going to remind him tomorrow about seeing if he can beat yesterday's score.
    As for running, we usually do go outside after tea but it was torrential rain that night and none of the other kids wanted to go out. I would have to have my 1:8 ratio outside to make numbers legal etc.
    When he's being silly during the register we do move on to the next child but then he starts to disrupt other children by stroking their hair or nudging them in the back. At this point, we move him (either out of the room or to the front) which usually ends up with a big tantrum.
    As I work in a private nursery, the nursery prides itself in respecting the parent's wishes. So we would be breaking our parent/carer agreement!
    I have supportive colleagues and I know that they are fed up with the situation just like me. We feel at a loss and we don't want to let this child ruin the other children's learning. A boy we had a few years back had the nickname 'naughty'. The children used to go home and say, 'Naughty has been kicking... etc'.
    What a day!
  6. I'm advising that you request an EP to check for possible links to Aspergers/Autism Spectrum. A lot of this behaviour sounds like my son when he was at nursery at three - when I fully realised his absolute possessiveness of both his environment and his time alone was getting to be a real problem. I dont want to type a lot (bloody google chrome and paragraphs) but often what can be seen as bad parenting (and I do agree he is at nursery WAY too long) is not always the case in every behaviour trait.

    Even star of the day is too much for such a child - he needs short bursts of tasks with clear steps throughout and immediate hits of praise, and try to find something that makes him puff up with pride. My son was always asking if they would 'tell mummy how good ive been' as he took pride in me being proud of him. Im inordinately grateful to the nursery for clarifying things that I also felt were becoming an escalating problem in his behaviour, and hes a cracking lad of 11 now and just started high school. He still needs support, but hes doing great (with hiccups!)
  7. Coming to this slightly late but I would second what Peapods says. Sounds very Asperger-type behaviour. His days sound like they have a lot of negatives in them - rather hard for a 3 year old to cope with as he's little more than a baby. And such long days can't be helping - they must seem endless for him. If he does have an ASD then being surrounded by lots of others all day is way too much stress.
    I'd say he needs referring to his local CAMHS via GP for an assessment.Dealing with the cause as well as the symptoms will be more effective in the long run.
  8. ps I'm a bit shocked at a Nursery child having a 'nickname' like that and it not being stopped.Too easy to apply labels which come close to bullying in themselves.
  9. breadmaker

    breadmaker New commenter

    Sounds to me like this boy is crying out for a cuddle. He is in day care for basically as long as the place is open. Does his key worker- supervised and with parental permission - give him a cuddle? If he was at home, just think how much time he would spend sitting on his mum's knee and being held- it's part of his natural development and i think he's trying to tell you he's missing it. Potentially very awkward for all staff I know, but see how you can build this into his day somehow? Good luck.
  10. Doitforfree

    Doitforfree Lead commenter

    He needs to be at home. For whatever reason he obviously doesn't cope well with a nursery. And why should he? It's a completely innapropriate environment for a small child, and he clearly finds it harder than most.
  11. We do give cuddles, but he doesn't particularly like them. At home, he and his brother seem to rule the roost. I have found out that his mum has just taken on a managerial role further away from where she used to work, thus not seeing much of mum. Nana is taking on a bigger role and is often picking him up earlier on a night.
    Today, he wasn't very well so he had a couple of cuddles and then was so sensitive that he played on his own and didn't even bother to play up! He burst into tears when a construction block fell off the mat.
    His behaviour seems to be stabilising and less erratic. He still has his moments, but they don't seem as bad. (That, or we are able to deal with them more effectively!) He still doesn't like change from activity to tidy up time and this is often his 'moment'.


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