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NQT Year affecting relationship.

Discussion in 'NQTs and new teachers' started by Preschool, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. My husband is getting fed up with the amount of work I am doing. Staying late at school, bringing work home, twilight training sessions. He is feeling neglected and thinks I stay at school to avoid being with him. This is not true I am working (you guys know how much there is to do).

    Anyone else going or have been through this - any advice?

  2. My husband is getting fed up with the amount of work I am doing. Staying late at school, bringing work home, twilight training sessions. He is feeling neglected and thinks I stay at school to avoid being with him. This is not true I am working (you guys know how much there is to do).

    Anyone else going or have been through this - any advice?

  3. I ended a relationship in my NQT year because of work load!!!
    All comments aside. Have you spoken to him about how he feels?
    As for the workload....how late are you staying at school? Wherever possible don't take any work home. Keep school stuff for school and just you for home. Set time aside every day to spend time with each other, even if it is just lazing around on the sofa!
    Are you doing too much work? I've seen people give themselves extra work to do for no reason and run themselves into the ground. Prioritise what needs doing and what can wait.

    I don't bring any work home at all. Have loads to do as dance and ICT coordinator but I only do what is important and keep the work at school. Has meant I have lots more time and a lot less stress so I can spend quality time with my boyfriend.

  4. Thanks for the advice. I don't think I am staying that late I'm home for 5.45 and that includes collecting our child from childminder.

    I do have work free nights and usually bring things like cutting resources I can easily do that doesn't require much brain power. I have read your reply to the TA question and am going to try to work on getting my TA to help a little more with filing work ect.

    I have spoke to him on several ocasions. I do know I am a little wrapped up in work at the moment so need to try to talk alittle less about it. I guess we just need time to adjust to the change in family life.
  5. don't take resources home to cut out. Ask your TA to make resources.

  6. My boyfriend is reasonably understanding. He does pull puppydog faces when he wants his oats on a schoolnight only to be cruelly rebuffed, but he is very busy too, and often works evenings, so he would be a hypocrite if he made a huge fuss!
  7. I know it's hard isn't it!

    I am finding I hardly have anytime with my partner, he's good about it as he is busy with work too.

    We fall out over me going to bed early! He doesn't seem to understand how draining 4/5 lessons a day are!

    We are trying to make more time for each other and I am starting to stop work by 8pm etc!

    There's alot to be said for marrying a teacher... I can see why so many people do! Can't see my partner changing careers though!
  8. whyare you working til 8pm?!
  9. Oh yeah definitely agree, its been ongoing since PGCE 2 years ago. Problem is unless you are in a relationship with another teacher it must be hard for partners to understand. I try and leave work at school but sometimes I can't help but bring stuff home. I get in at 5:30 each night and spend at least 2 hours with my boyfriend before I start working again, i;m just holding out in the hope that this really is the busiest term and things will get easier!!
  10. PinkHelen

    PinkHelen New commenter

    How is it possible not to?! I regularly (as in, every night) work until midnight or beyond. There's no other way I can plan so many lessons, especially when I have to learn new stuff that I don't already know myself, so I can teach it to the kids.

    Anyway, not trying to turn this into a debate about planning or anything, but I also (obviously, with my lack of time) struggle to spend enough time with my boyfriend. :(
  11. midnight?! For your own sake you really need to review the lesson planning that you are doing. If you are running yourself into the ground working late every night you will start to see it affect your teaching.
    Can I ask why it takes you so long to do planning? Are you perhaps putting too much in that doesn't need to be there? You shouldn't be doing individual lesson plans for everything like in training, just your weekly plans.

    Sorry hun, you have got me really worried about you now!! have you spoken to your mentor about this excessive workload?

  12. Thank you, OP, for bringing this up! I've been working my ass off since I started in September and I think my fiance is beginning to feel a bit down about it. Especially the fact I go to bed at 10pm most nights, when he can't sleep until much later. I have tried to stay up, but I just can't. He hasn't said anything but I'm sure he isn't particularly delighted about it, and is just trying to be supportive and understand, bless him.

    I try very hard never to bring work home, except for Sunday morning when he's at football though.
    Does it get any easier?

  13. I WILL!
    Seriously, why are you planning until midnight? That's insane! Don't your school have schemes of work for you to follow?
    Err, VERY possible.
  14. I agree with gemmiepie - midnight?!??! How is it possible to keep up that level of work? How do you intend to sustain that level of work?
    I teach secondary here so let's do my maths...
    1. I have to plan an average of 18 lessons per week. At an average of 30 minutes per lesson, that's 9 hours per week.
    2. I have to mark say 5 sets of 30 books per week. At 90 minutes per set (3 minutes per book, an underestimation probably but nevertheless), that's 7.5 hours per week.
    3. I have to do various other activities, taking say 90 minutes per day, that's another 7.5 hours per week.
    4. I have to teach18 hours per week.
    That's a total of 41.5 hours per week, or 8 hours and 20 minutes per day. Realistically that means that including lunch and break and having a chat with other members of staff, I arrive at work by 8am. I leave at 6pm. Rarely do I have to take too much marking or planning home, unless I want to plan a particularly spectacular lesson, am teaching something I don't fully understand or there's a reason why my time may be limited in school (e.g. after school activities, detention, meetings etc.). I'd say I probably work 45 hours per week on average at the moment.
  15. I reckon I'm clocking about 35 hours a week, currently.
    That's only because all my Geog lessons are planned already. The schemes of work are VERY well organised!
  16. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    To be fair, I probably used to do about 12 hours a day plus a day at weekends last year. It's hard as an NQT, and you have to do more discipline-related paperwork. Now I probably do 10 hours, plus half a day at weekends, but i know that I'm relying more on textbook lessons, and my marking is good only for certain classes.
  17. I suppose it depends on your time management. I work a good 60 hours a week minimum, (I'm at school by 7.30 and usually arrive home at around 7.30 on a good day), plus I work a 6-10 hour day either Saturday or Sunday. So to be working until midnight every night, you must be doing, what, 80 hours a week? That's just crazy!
  18. NicoleK

    NicoleK New commenter

    1. Please god previous posters, do not work until 8pm or midnight. That sort of work behaviour is why we can't hold on to good teachers in the profession and why most of you pack it in within 4 years. It is totally unecessary. Work smarter, not harder as they say. We need you! So please slow down and prioritise! Have a life, sleep, have fun. It will make you a better teacher, rather than the exhausted, bitter and ineffective one you will inevitably become if you try to keep this up.
    2. OP- tell your husband if he can stick it out til July, it will be a lot better the following year, again the year after and so on. It all levels out in about the 3rd year. If it doesn't then you are either at the wrong school or you need to have a chat with yourself about your responsibility to give yourself a work-life balance.
    Best of luck with the rest of your NQT years- I hope you all do brilliantly and stick around to train the next generation of students and NQTs.

  19. I also find that I'm working far more hours than I ever expected and it definitely affects my relationship with my OH. I arrive at school at 8am and am reguarly there until 7/8 unless it's a night when the school closes early then I have to cart all the stuff home with me. My mentor always gives me a row for staying so late but I still don't feel like I am getting everything done and then my council supporter told me there are still things I'm not getting done quickly enough so I'm at a loss as to how I can get everything done without staying late. Staff meetings and working groups take up so much time as well that there just aren't enough hours in the day.
  20. londinium

    londinium New commenter

    I leave for school every day at 7am so get there by 7.15/7.30, I was staying till about 6 but now leave by 5. Once I'm home I spend all evening planning and aim to finsih by 9pm to have an hour hugging the fiance and watching tv before going to bed. I don't do any work on fridays or saturdays.

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