Hi all, I left my NQT year in Feb 2018; a mix of not being able to transition into my NQT year from my PGCE and having full support from the school I was at. I graded good with outstanding in my PGCE and just couldn't do it with my own class come the first term. I lived on own and I just couldn't cope in a school I didn't feel supported/judged in. Since then I'd been doing supply from April to gain more experience and confidence again. Unfortunately, I'd been mostly cover supervising in high schools rather than supply teaching in primary schools. I was only able to get a hand full of primary supply teaching days (poor agency choices at the start of summer term vs 2 decent ones at the end of the summer term). Therefore I didn't get a good chance of regaining confidence and get as much experience in a primary setting as I'd hoped. I wasn't able to secure a role for September despite applying for 20+ roles that were within my travel distance. I'd 3 failed interviews with one interview ending with and I quote "You ticked all the boxes but with our school targets we can't support you in your NQT year"; a major blow in my hopes and confidence. I was able to get regular primary supply Oct/Nov 18 in a few schools that were really decent and one I really hoped would have me as their 'personal' supply teacher. I was able to gain a little confidence back with that despite still being really rusty. Weirdly I did best in Nursery. Come December however I was offered from an agency a full time role starting Jan this year willing to do my 2 outstanding NQT terms. I couldn't turn it down as I thought I was in a better position personally and especially for the security the role would bring. I supplied there for 2 weeks before Christmas and got a little handover for a class held by another NQT who was struggling massively with the class. I started this week but it's been such a poor week. Behaviour has been nuts, I'm all over the place, I feel so unprepared and still lacking so so much confidence. I just keep getting flashbacks of my time as an NQT in my first school. I went home (now living with my girlfriend) after the first day who said she's never seen me so down and anxious. I'm already thinking of leaving again in order to protect myself and the school. They are supportive and have told me it'll get better because they've not had the consistency and I understand that. Am I stupid, stubborn, naive? I feel desperate now in three regards. One, money. Two, I need/want to get my NQT year done, just have a job, and do something else after the NQT is done. Finally, three, desperate to get away to stop feeling so stressed and unloving about teaching despite guilt I feel about the work I put in to become one in the first place. Three stems from ll the above and seeing other friends earning so much more in better/happier jobs. I honestly don't know what to do. Can any one shed some light for me here?