Hi, I have posted on here a few times as find it very helpful and don't feel so alone in this when I do. I am a very depressed and anxious NQT. I last posted that I was struggling to make it through the Autumn term- got through that. Now its the second term and Spring, people told me it will get easier. However, I am still struggling immensely. I am so stressed as I have so much going on in this month alone and I am worried I will not meet deadlines for marking and other tasks that I never wanted to do in the first place as well as being scrutinized in observations. I cannot wait for this term to be over! Its horrible! However, I think teaching is a terrible job- I have found that it is mainly about data not learning! I am also worried that I have gone through all this for nothing and will not pass my NQT year. I have not been told I have failed, however, I understand that I am way behind where I should be and still struggle with class management. It has been implied that I am not progressing. Therefore, what if I end up failing after all the stress I am putting myself through? I really want to be signed off for stress and have only taken a couple sick days this whole NQT year but I feel they will think I am doing it just to get out of the intense workload and avoid being observed. I cry on my way to work and on my way back. Even between lessons! I often have very dark thoughts including suicide. I know I should be stronger, I feel I am trying but no matter what I do its never up to standard anyway I am convinced I never want to teach again. Although I may want to work in education but not directly employed by education, rather through my own business ventures. I'm trying to hold on but I don't even think an NQT year is worth my health. I wish I could be signed off even if its a couple days a week and then come back after Easter to complete the final term. I have requested a letter online from GP but not sure I'll have any success with it. Sorry for the rant! Just needed to get this off my chest. I am honestly mind blown at how anyone survives teaching in the first year?! Yet alone those that continue for years! Teaching and the education system is horrific!