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Not the news we wanted....

Discussion in 'Personal' started by salsera, Feb 4, 2007.

  1. Salsera - I woke up this morning and thought of you all, rushed downtairs to read this heartbreaking news. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care. x
  2. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Anything I can do, you know where I am.

    Take care, much love. xxx
  3. salsera and family......i lost my mum to cancer last year and i decided not to tell my children 5 and 9 then..the full story.

    i think bone cancer is treatable if not curable and you never know with this bloody disease about time and progression.you will find strength from somewhere even though you feel devestated now...and expect to feel angry...but that will give you strength

    i wish i could take your pain away....all i can do is send you positive thoughts....life can be so cruel

    all love and luck to you and your family

  4. salsera xx My thoughts are with you all xx

    Use the support networks you are provided with- don't try to deal with this alone. Macmillan Nurses have a department that is dedicated to helping support families and children. Speak to them about how to help your children.

    Don't forget the Samaritans. I see you needed to talk last night, someone will be there to listen to you and support you. 08457 90 90 90 jo@samaritans.org


  5. Salsera - thinking of you and your family. Not really a very religious person but saying a prayer for you all. Has your husband been offered treatment for both the bone cancer and the primary tumour? All I can suggest at the moment is to contact your local cancer care organisation - McMillan nurses and ask for support. I am sure they will help - they did with my Dad and we could not have managed without them. As I said before, I am sure your children will keep both of you strong. Take time out together and put yourselves and family first. School must take a back step - you, OH and the children must come first. You must be feeling so helpless. Love to you all
  6. Salsera, you were the first thing I thought of this morning. Prayers are with you and your family. The very fact that all your posts are focusing on what's best for your children and OH shows what an incredibly strong person you are. I don't want to upset you, or assume all hope is lost; but your comment about your OH missing miles stones made me think of something a friend's husband did - he made video recordings for all key events (21st, weddings etc) with messages and advice and had them burnt on dvd and also put message boxes together with gifts from him for all their birthdays and christmases. Sorry don't want to give you added grief, so I apologise if this is inappropriate.

    Don't know what to say really,

    thinking of you
  7. scunnered....great idea...my mum had wanted to do memory boxes for my girls but time wasnt on our side.we recently named a star in my mums memory and this helped the children a lot.children cope in their own way...my eldest is planning a story based on her grandma but cant quite write it yet

    salsera....if you want to chat...rokerite66@hotmail.co.uk

    macmillan nurses are fab btw..

    much love

  8. I know that you obviously have a consultant to ask questions of but I guess at times like this we may think of some of the questions later. Again apologies if it is out of order posting this, but I thought these links might be helpful for you.

    From my brief reading it seems that secondary bone cancer is very treatable, although sometimes slow to start to respond to chemo.

    With love to you all

  9. my uncle had secondary bone cancer and he was treated...eventually had a stem cell transplant which helped.....

  10. Geekie

    Geekie Occasional commenter

    Salsera - I've only just read this thread and I'm so sorry to hear your news. Like jamemk said, I don't know you but feel like I do from all our chats on MFL. Can't even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. I will be thinking of you all.

    (((Salsera and family)))

    Geekie xxx
  11. As regards the children I think, based on what mine went through when my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, that they cope better than we think. I would just let them know that Dad is very ill, and needs a lot of looking after. I would imagine that would lead on to natural questions which may seem easier to answer than you feel at the moment.
    Everyone is different, but that is what happened with my 5 & 6 year old.

    Take care, Pixie xx
  12. moonpenny

    moonpenny Occasional commenter

    Salsera - really sorry to hear what is happening. x
  13. keep strong, Salsera...thinking of you & the family
  14. cornflake

    cornflake Senior commenter

    Your two children are very young. I can only speak from my own and my brother's point of view - and we were much older at 17 and 12 when my Dad was first diagnosed with cancer. The thing I remember most about that time is how no-one talked. No-one explained what was happening. To my shame, I couldn't even go and visit my father in hospital as I was completely unprepared for what I might find there. My younger brother did not cope at all well with this situation and made stupid decisions as a result, which have marred all our lives to this day. All because no-one wanted to communicate.

    My opinion therefore, is to cope with this as a family. Of course your instinct will be to shield and protect the children from the news - but sometimes, the not realy knowing, but knowing that something is wrong, can be even worse. Let them be your guide but if they ask, I'd say be as honest with them as you both feel able. Tell the school. Speak to Mamillian and the local hospice nurses: they will have lots of ideas and support to offer you.

  15. Yeah I'd echo that, cornflake. My father died when I was very young - I only have vague memories of him. Not being talked to and having stuff explained may have been easier for the adults at the time, but it has caused fairly major problems and issues for me much later, in adult life.
    What an awful time - I don't know what to say. You and family are in my thoughts.
  16. Phoenixchild

    Phoenixchild Occasional commenter

    ((((((((((salsera and family)))))))))))

    have just read this thread through and it confirms what i suspected, i am a control freak! i feel so helpless on your behalf knowing that there's nothing i can do to make things better but still wishing i could. I sincerely hope you find a way to cope during this time, please take strength from the compassion of others. I really don't know what to say, just take care, stay strong and blessings to your family.xx
  17. janemk

    janemk New commenter

    Hi Salsera,

    I would echo posts 113 & 114, having also been the childwho wasn't told anything about her father's illness other than that he had one (aged 12, sister 6) and subsequently losing him was a complete shock.

    I also empathise completely with your distress re milestones. I have watched my mum go through this over the years and I am also now living through those milestones. It's hard. I won't pretend that it's not. But you cope, and he will never completely leave you.

    I've been thinking about you all night, and am now typing through streaming tears (and I have an interview in an hour!). I think this has hit me because having lost my dad so early I live with a constant fear of it happening to my partner, and you're actually going through it.

    Keep talking, about whatever you feel like, and remember there are so many people with you through this.


  18. ((((((((((salsera)))))))))

    Can only hope and pray for remission.
  19. I dont really know what to say, but my thoughts are with you and your family xx
  20. Thinking of you all. You've probably found these on your internet searches but I'll post them again in case you haven't.

    http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=7213 - cancer research's pages on how to talk to children about a parent's cancer. Some booklets available.

    also http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Resourcessupport/Relations...

    http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/page.asp?section=000100010... - page from Winston's Wish on supporting children through a parent with a serious illness. There is other advice for talking about death with them and how to cope after a death. Hoping that those sections aren't needed for some time in your case.

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