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Not sure where to post!

Discussion in 'Personal' started by beethan31, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. beethan31

    beethan31 New commenter

    I'm trying in this forum and in pregnancy, and health and wellbeing.
    I just wondered if there was anyone out there in the same situation as me.
    I have been trying to get pregnant for 6 years, have been diagnosed with 'unexplained infertility' (all tests fine, all OH's test's fine). We have had 3 IVF attempts, all negative results. We don't want to try again as we'd have to find the money this time (previous 3 attempts on NHS), and it seems like a lot of money for very little hope.
    I've been through the roller coaster of emotions, and sickening jealousy (and, quite frankly, hatred (ashamedly so) of every 'bump' I see) and so I now more or less feel 'at peace' with whatever happens in the future (e.g. children or not, I love my OH to bits and we have a lovely life together).
    I just wanted someone to talk to (just online) who could perhaps identify with me. I don't feel "childless" in a desperately sad way, and often love the freedom of NOT having children. But there are times when it does suddenly get to me. I suppose I don't really feel like I fit anywhere.
    I'm not "childless by choice", or, as I said, "childless" and desperately sad, so I don't feel like I fit in either of those 'forum' categories. I'm not currently receiving fertility treatment, so again, don't fit there. I suppose 'trying to conceive' might be the nearest, as there's always the chance it could happen, although we're not doing the whole fertility monitoring/ovulation tracking etc (been there, done that!!)
    So, I'd love to hear from anyone similar, but if there's no-one similar, then thanks for reading anyway!
    PS This might sound like a sad post, but I'm genuinely happy in life, and I love my job. Just sometimes feel there's a bit missing? My friends are either single and so don't have a long-term secure relationship in common with me, or they have kids, so we don't have that in common.
    Anyway, thanks. I might just feel better for writing it down! [​IMG]
  2. It might "just happen". I've read on this very website ofother people who'd given up hope and then got lucky. I hope it does for you if it's what you'll still want when it does (errr,not very well put!). It's hard to find people who are totally on your wavelength, even if you have lots of external things in common.
  3. oh, I would so love to put you in touch with my sister.
    All you have said was like listening to her. And I felt so guilty, as I had no problems conceiving (although I also lost two).
    She now has two children. Late in life, but no IVF.
    If you really need someone to talk to, I can ask her. I can't really help, as I don't know what it really feels like.

  4. Hi
    Im no in a similar situation to you, but just wanted to say how wonderful you are - you have run a rollercoaster of emotions for years and years and still strong with your partner and inside yourself. Well done. I am lucky enough to have 2 children, my first at 23, but 3 of my sisters have had fertility problems - i think i was just lucky to get pregnant 'early' as they all waited to try for children.
    So having seen a teeny bit of their emotions, and supported them and their husbands through options choices etc i d like to give you my respect for what you've acheived in life already.
    Best wishes
  5. lapinrose

    lapinrose Star commenter

    I'm in a similar position but too old for treatments now. I don't know how I coped, lots of tears, desperately unhappy, depression etc, but it does get less with time. Until all your friends start becoming grandparents and you have a whole new grief to go through.
    PM me if you want.
  6. I felt like that once. I did not go down the IVF route but did take Clomid tablets. When I'd more or less given up hope I fell pregnant and eventually had my much loved son. I went on to have 3 more pregnancies, one with Clomid, 2 without but none of those resulted in a baby sadly. I don't really have any advice but just keep hoping. I can honestly say that I didn't truly give up hope until I was over 50 even though like you I was reasonably happy in my life. I just would have loved another baby.
  7. jonowen

    jonowen Occasional commenter

    Hi Beethan, I want to share the other side with you as I have 2 boys, who are healthy, good jobs, friends etc but since son 1 left home in 2002 I have felt bereft. Then when son 2 left 2 years, later I felt like my world had fallen apart. I envy people with children (little ones or big, grown up ones) who are still at home and my life seems so empty. I know I must sound so full of self-pity, sorry.
    We had our boys when we were both young so we could do things with them (camping, hill walking, concerts etc...) but we didn't plan for them to up and leave us!! We do see them and are a very close family but I still go into their bedrooms and the memories come flooding back and then I feel sad all over again. Nobody tells you how hard it is to let go.
    As you have ruled out medical probs I'm sure you will fall pregnant one day but I can imagine how it must feel to want a child so badly. I suppose you've tried the fabulous holiday and relaxing atmosphere? I had a friend who was similar to yourself and the holiday thingey was what worked for her - good luck!
  8. PlymouthMaid

    PlymouthMaid Occasional commenter

    This is a long running thread which you may find helpful - it had sunk down the pages a little

  9. beethan31

    beethan31 New commenter

    Wow, thank you all so much for your replies! I haven't had chance to check back until now, and it was lovely to see so many had taken the time to reply. A heartfelt thank you to you all, your words mean a lot.
    Sometimes I just get to the point where I need to tell my situation to anyone who's willing to listen, as it can be really difficult to discuss it with family and friends. I work with some lovely people too, some of whom are aware of my situation, but I don't always feel comfortable talking to them about it either. As I said I have a lovely relationship with my OH, but sometimes even talking to him isn't what I need!
    So thank you again. I will make sure I check into this forum much more now (rather than just Primary) as I would like to offer support/advice/a listening ear in the same way you guys have. I didn't post looking for an answer or solution, just to vent and know that someone will listen! I guess that's what forum's are all about. I didn't manage to post on 'Pregnancy' or 'Health and Wellbeing' due to a technical hitch, but I don't feel that I need to at the moment. Thank you.
    Love beethan [​IMG]

  10. Ruthie66

    Ruthie66 New commenter

    Hi Beethan
    I know just how you feel. We had IVF which failed and then went through the adoption process which was very difficult. I have always wanted children and although I don't really understand that almost obsessive need for a baby I did feel our lives weren't quite complete without children.
    After a difficult time with one adoption agency we had to make a decision whether to continue down that road or resign ourselves to childlessness, we decided to try elsewhere with the proviso that if we had a similar experience we would have a low threshold for calling it a day. We now have 2 lovely (but quite hard work) children who I am very glad we have.
    PM me if you want to chat more.
  11. kazzmaniandevil

    kazzmaniandevil New commenter

    Hi Beethan

    Have you thought about fostering? There are so many kids that are in real need for a proper stable home, I know it's not exactly what you were looking for but you could really help these kids?
  12. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    With respect, kazzmaniandevil, you don't realise how upsetting comments like this can be.
    For some people, me included, fostering or adopting are completely different from having a baby of your own.
  13. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Hi Beethan, I've only just seen this post. I am in a similar position now as I've given up on fertility treatment. I do have days where I feel very sad but that is outweighed by relief at stepping off the ttc rollercoaster - we spent five years trying, 2 rounds of IUI, 2 rounds of IVF and an FET.
    I spent many years posting on pregnancy and made lots of friends there but have accepted that pregnancy is not part of my future - I turned 40 in Feb and this has influenced my decision to move on with my life.
    I would be happy to talk to you anytime online - sounds like we have quite a lot in common.
  14. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Me too. I have one of each and they left home 3 years ago (almost) within 4 days of each other. I miss them every single day.
  15. dozymare1957

    dozymare1957 Occasional commenter

    Beethan, you have my every sympathy. Nothing that anyone says will help. All the miraculous success stories don't help, do they? Whilst fostering or adoption might be a solution they aren't for everyone. Even knowing that other people are experiencing or have experienced similar situations isn't a consolation.
    All I can say is that I truly hope you have a happy outcome but if nothing happens then you are truly blessed with an OH who sounds perfect. Enjoy each other and have a great life together.

  16. beethan31

    beethan31 New commenter

    Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am enjoying my life as it is and actually I'm often grateful that I don't have kids! I just wish I had an answer to the question that is always there somewhere in the back of my mind - 'will I ever have a baby?'
    Thanks again [​IMG]

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