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Not sure how I am feeling.

Discussion in 'Trainee and student teachers' started by LJRS2019, Jun 1, 2019.

  1. LJRS2019

    LJRS2019 New commenter

    Hello,

    I am on my final placement (4 weeks to go) before I become an NQT. I am in a ks1 classroom and I am about to start 80% teaching. I have spent the last week planning for the next 4 weeks for all the subjects. I pulled out of my final placement last term due to stress so started in a new school at the start of the summer term. My anxiety at the last school was crippling to the point I was curled up in a ball crying my eyes out... All feels very dramatic in hindsight but still wasn't a great time for me.

    At the new school i am feeling better and the teachers etc are aware of circumstances. My class teacher is a no nonsense sort which in some respects is great (i am being military marched to the finishing line). Regardless of outcome I feel I will get to the end of placement and at least pass but... Two things are playing on my mind.

    1. My anxiety is constant. It is always there. Especially at the weekends when I have time to dwell. I feel like it is no way to live to always feel this way. I am much better prepared and in a better environment so I don't see it becoming problematic like it was before. But i am terrified all the time that it is going to overtake me again.

    2. I am currently graded 3s and I feel like my class teacher is harsh with me to keep me on track which is fine but usually after the end of a conversation i feel about an inch tall. I feel like I am capable of doing so well but at the moment I'm not showing it. Due to the anxiety i feel I have gone into survival mode and not working at 100 percent capacity.

    Ideally starting my career on 2s would be great but I am unsure if this will happen.

    Advise would be appreciated.
    Thanks
     
    pepper5 likes this.
  2. blueskydreaming

    blueskydreaming Lead commenter

    1, Have you seen a Dr about your anxiety? I suggest you access some help, so you can deal with/alleviate it, or come up with your own strategies. If you are not able to keep the anxiety at bay then try a different school first, then a different career if a different school doesn't help.

    2. These numbers mean nothing - all grading of teachers is subjective, and even if you stay at the same school for NQT Induction they'll grade you differently because you're no longer a trainee. You are not meant to be anywhere near perfect after a year of training, so don't worry.
     
    pepper5 likes this.

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