1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.
  2. Hi Guest, welcome to the TES Community!

    Connect with like-minded education professionals and have your say on the issues that matter to you.

    Don't forget to look at the how to guide.

    Dismiss Notice

Not long to go...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by Urban Reader, Jul 17, 2019.

  1. Urban Reader

    Urban Reader New commenter

    I was walking my dog in the local park when, across the grass, there was an almighty whoosh accompanied by lots of smoke.

    As the air cleared, I saw a spaceship had landed, a flying saucer, an oldish model in metallic silver. It hadn’t happened before, not in this park. A hatch opened upwards and a set of steps dropped to the ground. Somewhat clumsily, a figure emerged from the craft.

    Being a cautious type, I hid behind a tree. Not so my dog, who began to bark. The strange being made straight for us, upright but overweight, like a Dr Who baddie devised in a hurry.

    It stopped before the tree, and looked down to Tinkler (my dog). In a deep gravelly voice, it spoke.

    “Take me to your leader”.

    Tinkler’s barking was getting out of control. I revealed myself.

    “Er, maybe I should, you know…”

    The visitor redirected to me. No expression on the rubbery visage.

    “Take me to your leader”, it repeated. Not menacingly, you understand, but I didn’t what to mess the fellow about.

    “Well, em, you see, that would be - ha! - a little difficult at the moment.” Aside, “Quiet, Tinkler!”

    The barking subsided. From the creature, “Elucidate”.

    Oh, dear. How best to put this?

    “We - have a leader, but she doesn’t lead. Nobody takes any notice. So we’re going to have another one. Soon.”

    I tend to talk too much when in a situation. And being asked like this, literally out of the blue, about our leader is a situation.

    “Yes, we get to choose between a buffoon and a chap who always looks surprised. It’s exciting, really.”

    The creature said nothing and made no movement. I went on.

    “We think the upper-class chump is going to win.” Still no reaction. Was I being sufficiently informative?

    Then, from the gravel depth: “Who the ‘we’?”

    Tinkler had lost interest in the exchange and sniffed around at the foot of the tree. I prayed he wasn’t about to do a do.

    “Well, when I say ‘we’, it’s not us - not all of us, anyway. It’s actually a quarter of one per cent of us. Point-two-five. Of a hundredth. And mostly well-heeled, I’d say.”

    I was starting to sound nerdish, so I turned up the beat.

    “We call it democracy,” I chirped. “That’s how we do things, here in these parts.”

    “De-mo-cra-cy,” the latex traveller enunciated. “Will of the ma-jor-it-y.”

    In truth, I was warming to him.

    “Yes, that’s right. We swear by it. Hold it to our bosom. Defend it to the end.”

    Was I overdoing it?

    The creature possibly emitted a sigh. “Tell of other leaders.”


    “Mm. Let’s see. There’s the frog prince, forever leaping about, won’t go away.”

    It flitted across my mind there was a passing neck-up resemblance.

    “And there’s also a rather grumpy type with a beard who doesn’t seem to know what he wants. Plus someone else who I can’t quite…”

    Tinkler pulled at the leash. The being too showed signs of wanting to move on. He turned to go.

    “Er - nice talking to you,” I offered. “What’s your name, by the way? Where are you from?”

    Whatever the reply, I failed to catch it. The nameless wanderer returned ponderously to his craft. Could I detect a slow shaking of the head? With a noisy whoosh accompanied by a cloud of smoke, he was gone.
    bombaysapphire likes this.
  2. Ivartheboneless

    Ivartheboneless Star commenter

    Are you sure it wasn't Zeus after a bit of nookie and he said "Take me to your Leda."

    (Boris Johnson might get it).

Share This Page