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non biological fathers rights

Discussion in 'Personal' started by all_heart, Nov 5, 2011.

  1. all_heart

    all_heart New commenter

    I just wondered if anyone had advice for a friend who is going through a break up and I want to know how I can help him. He has recently broken up with his girlfriend of 6 years, he has been with her since the son was 4 months old and is the only person the boy has known as his Dad. From early on he took on the role as Dad and they lived together he brought the boy clothes, food, holidays etc... The real Dad wasn't on the birth certificate and hasn't been on the scene since she fell pregnant.
    Anyhow now they have had a very messy break up and she won't let him see the son - we said give it time but it's been 3 months and no better. I want to be able to give him advice and guide him in the right direction. He's quite depressed as he feels everything has been taken away from him and legally he can do nothing about it - it's just like he has lost his own son as he is the Dad in all but blood.
    Any advice would be gratefully received, thank you
     
  2. all_heart

    all_heart New commenter

    bumping up as advice needed - cheers
     
  3. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Sadly he has no rights. Sorry.
     
  4. Belle is absolutely correct, no rights at all. Unless, during the time they were together they went to Court for a Parental Responsibility Order, or he adopted the child.
    Otherwise he is completely knackered. It's move on time I'm afraid.
     
  5. tartetatin

    tartetatin New commenter

    That's such a shame. Hope your friend is okay.
     
  6. However, the law is always full of little loopholes- if he can speak to a lawyer, it would be best- even if all it does is assure him he has done all he possibly can.
     
  7. all_heart

    all_heart New commenter

    Unfortunately thats what we thought. It's so hard, having a son for that many years then losing him. He might look into asking a solicitor but I guess his answer will the the same as you guys.

    She said the other day, I might let you see him soon but you know I can stop it whenever I want to. Isn't that horrible, so even if one day she says OK, it'll be in the back of everyones minds that she can take him away again any day (imagine how much that will mess with the boys head)

    xx
     
  8. Sadly there are no rights at all, as others have said. My husband got together with his ex when she was pregnant. They broke up when the boy was 8 and my husband has not seen him since, despite repeated attempts over the years. He still tries every Christmas, it's very sad!
     
  9. My in-laws were denied contact with their grandchildren by son-in-law. Although the circumstances are a lot different, Their school (possibly social worker) got in touch as the children were upset not being able to see them.
    Thank you caring teachers as sense seems to have prevailed.

     
  10. I am afraid he has no rights at all in the UK.
    Which is really a shame. My step-dad brought me up - but he and my Mum were never married.
    However, he was always part of the family, even officially on paper (it is perfectly possible to do that via a solicitor) and he IS my Dad as far as I am concerned and I am so glad I still have him, now that Mum is gone.
    I hope that the ex partner of your friend comes to her senses, for the sake of the child.
    For that child, your friend IS Daddy.
    It is horrible for a child to have a father who is not around - I know it, as mine wasn't. So my step-Dad became my father and my life is better for it.
    I think the legal situation in the UK is totally wrong, even for biological dads and grandparents and apparently now joint custody as the norm has been overruled and jousted out again.
    I do not understand the reasoning behind it - it is madness and certainly not for the benefit of the child.
     
  11. katycustard

    katycustard Occasional commenter

    Your friend really needs to seek legal advice. I don't know how much being married makes a difference, but my ex was step father to my oldest child and because my ex had parented him as 'a child of the family' he was allowed access until my son was old enough to vote with his feet.
     
  12. all_heart

    all_heart New commenter

    Thanks all - I've said to him to phone the boys school and ask the teachers to keep an eye on him, if he appears to be struggling maybe that could work in his favour to gain rights to see him. But we know from working in schools that is she has told them not to pass any info onto his 'Dad' (don't know if she has) then they can't help him either.

    Like you said, the world has gone mad with giving rights to the wring people, he is a Dad wanting to see his son who has no idea what's going on and is probably the most confused and worried child right now.

    He's done nothing wrong to be stopped, we think the girlfriend, who is young, is trying to regain her 'life'.

    as you can probably tell I've been his friend throughout this relationship and am also close to the son, it's so hard.
     
  13. And the same for the child, IMHO what the mother is doing is child abuse, I'd consider contacting social services.
     
  14. lurk_much

    lurk_much Occasional commenter

    I have two opinions- unfortunately they are incompatible-
    The mother is clearly unfit. I would have cut my losses and walked away before I even met her. You need a pretty good excuse in my view to be on your own with a 4 mnth old child.. Poor bloke, can he pay for access? It sounds like she is the sort to hire the child out. Foul feckless tart.
    and
    It's her choice, the mother child relationship should be paramount. The biological parent is ultimately responsible and what she decides has precedence.
    --------------
    I think your mate should consider sending a big bunch of flowers and a kilo of Thornton's Continental. The law is a poor alternative.
     
  15. chicabonita

    chicabonita New commenter

    She does sound very selfish and immature.
    Or at least a letter with his heartfelt message, or a mutual acquaintance acting as go-between. Even the hardest-hearted mother must see that her little boy will be missing Daddy as much as Daddy is missing him, surely? So if he is willing to cross hot coals to see the little one, he should tell her. There's no place for dignity here- if she's as unpleasant as she sounds and crawling to her works, then unfortunately it might be the way forward.
    As a last resort, perhaps her parents might pass on messages/gifts/similar to the little boy? Or be there while he visits (you know, so that she knows she's won).
    I do feel sorry for your friend. What a truly awful situation to be in.
     

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