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New job/ttc plans - in a pickle..

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by Tigsy, May 21, 2011.

  1. H and I have been ttc for the last 6 months, I'm 8 months clear of the pill but my cycles are still falling between 24 -28 days. We are both in our late 30s and this is our first child.
    After several years of being on supply, I have recently received a fixed term contract for a year, running my own dept. I'm extremely happy about this but it will require me to be in school next April/May/June.
    I am awaiting the arrival of AF this month and praying it arrives. My H however does NOT understand my thinking.
    I suggested that in order for me to stay at school up until the end of my contract, It would be best to aim for a sept/october conception, which with or without a job might still happen. This would mean spending the summer months being careful or aiming for the unlikely dates.
    He's angry with me for putting a job before our chances of a child and I'm peeved he's not being too supportive in my new position. There's nothing to say I would have got pregnant this summer given our track record and he cant see that himself.
    If I were to fall pregnant I'll accept that and be happy of course but I'll also feel like I'm letting down the school (I worked there before and have been wanting to go back for a while). I have to accept that if I fall pregnant I wont get back to this school and the dept I'm building from scratch so that's why I want to make it work for the time I'm there.
    what would you do in my position? maybe there's nothing I can do but I dont want my H huffin' with me for the next 6 months!
    cheers for reading.
     
  2. personally i'd feel the same way as you but i would put family before work as they are the ones who should be the most important things in your life, and when push comes to shove, school will do what's in its best interest not yours no matter how loyal you've been over the years.
     
  3. I'm in a similar situation. Late 30's, ttc our second. We have decided what will be will be. I don't want to wait any longer because of my age and, on reflection, have decided that when I'm old and grey I'm more likely to regret not having another child than missing out on a promotion so will keeping ttc and see what (if anything) happens! Good luck.
     
  4. I wouldnt stop trying. Late 30s doesnt give you much time. You will have more job opportunities but the body clock is finite.
     
  5. I felt like you did and worried about when to get pregnant - after four years of unsuccessful trying I would now advise anyone not to think about it. Whenever you get pregnant you will deal with the consequences and, as someone else said, school will work around things. I wouldn't stop trying - sod's law says that this will the time you will get your bfp!
     
  6. Hi Tigsy, had wondered where you went! Sorry it seems to be taking a while to conceive. x
    Mmmm, tricky one and I can see both your and your OH points of view. I'm actually in a similar position. Been offered a promotion, which I have excitedly excepted...but they don't know I'm ttc.
    I hate that I'm keeping something so big from my colleagues, but the way I see it, I've been ttc for about 18 months now and I have to face up to the fact that it might not happen. If that is the case, at least I will be happy and fulfilled in my job.
    Schools have to deal with much worse than an unexpected pregnancy and you really have to put it into perspective...which is more important? I have stressed over my new role loads too. I really want to do a good job. Can I really mess things up by getting pregnant? What will people say? I've even thought about stopping ttc, putting all my energy into my new role and being happy with my lot. But, in reality, another child is really all that I want and if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, I know that everything else will pale into insignificance.
    You already know this too, but your (and my) age is also against us. And whilst I try to remain positive and think loads of 35+ ladies are getting pregnant, our fertile window is getting smaller by the month.
    Good luck with whatever you decide, hope everything turns out well for you. x x x
     
  7. cheers girls - and nice to be remembered Bangles!
    I'm starting up the dept for the school and if i left before the summer months then they will most likely disbandon the course and the kids will lose out (its happened before). I didnt want to leave 3 years ago but was end of my time there and I'd given anything to make another go of it.
    I realise that when I do fall pregnant they wont ask me back, they will just replace me for the new school year so thats another reason for leaving with my head held high and hopefully my belly leading the way lol.
    However, I said to H that if I did fall pregnant before returning to the school after the summer holidays that it would be best to step down rather than put the school through the hassle. I dont want my name to be mud!
    He didnt agree with this at all.
    what do you think?
     
  8. becky70

    becky70 New commenter

    Tigsy, I can really empathise as I've been ttc for four years and also trying to rebuild my teaching career. I'm also late 30s.
    Sadly, at our age ttc won't wait - I'm sure you know all the stats. It's not just the post 35 drop in fertility you need to think about, it's also the drop after 40.
    I agree with him - if your name's mud the school are being unreasonable. If you get pregnant the money from the job will come in handy especially as you won't have a job to go back to after you have your baby.
    Good luck with ttc and the new job.
     
  9. i agree with your OH. school is a business and as such has to function as one. they will never put you first when making decisions so don't put school first when you make decisions. put yourself first and do what is right for you - you have the legal right to do that and i would argue that morally there is nothing wrong with having a baby either.
     
  10. This is what I would say. A job is just a job and your family is by far the most important thing.
     
  11. I totally understand your situation Tiggsy. But how about looking at it this way...6 months is not a long time to ttc.(It took me nearly a year and that felt forever, but in the grand scheme of things, that was a lot quicker than some of the others who are still unfortunately trying) Imagine it being 2 years later, how would you feel that you were still not pregnant knowing that you stopped trying because of a job. We are all doing this job because we love it.. so we can all understand that the promotion is a wonderful thing, but personally I do agree with your OH on this one and family should come first. A job is a job. Keep on ttc as you just don't know how long it will take.
    Have you thought about whether you want more than one child? Having your first in your late 30's is still relatively young, but what if you want a 2nd, or a 3rd? How old would you be then?
    Good luck with whatever you decide to do :) x
     
  12. I hear what you're saying danni.....overall its really interesting to hear what teaching staff think of it compared to my other friends...
    Finally getting a job for a whole year, for the first time, is just mindblowing for me. Being in charge of my own dept with no other staff is equally fab and exciting for me.
    I appreciate 6 months of trying is nothing and after 16 yrs on the pill ive been very lucky with my cycles even if they arent yet regular like clockwork.
    I have a CBFM that I was going to start using on my next cycle but still havent got round to getting pee stix for it. Guess we'll just see what happens. I'm hoping we can have 2 Danni, though with twins on both sides in our parents, we are kinda hoping lolol...
    thanks to everyone for your advice, you've given me lots to think about.
    have a good week :)
     

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