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New headteacher and hating it

Discussion in 'Headteachers' started by freddiecider, Oct 3, 2016.

  1. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

    Thank you all.

    A little progress has been made. After serious words with the site manager he has since been lovely and couldn't do enough so progress there.

    However I simply hate so many things about the job. I have loads of personnel issues to sort, many of them caused from years of complicated and bizarre contracts.
    Quite honestly this job is too big for me and I absolutely know it.
    I genuinely hate it and can't see how I'm going to make it until Christmas. I so regret taking it on and now I have nowhere to go.
    The school will feel so let down if I resign so quickly. The process was long enough in the first place.i feel so awful about potentially letting the children and teachers down. But I know I'm out of my depth and I can't do it.
    On top of this I'm the major wage earner in the household so I've no idea how we can cope without my wage. I can't see anyone in the authority wanted to employ me again .............
  2. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

  3. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

  4. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

    Oh gosh. Didn't sleep a wink last night. I know it'll be a huge relief when I give in my resignation but I'm terrified of the repercussions, totally kicking myself as I've now lost any security for my family too.

    Thank you all on this thread for helping me realise that I'm not alone in feeling this way. Just wish I'd found this kind of support BEFORE I thought headship was a good idea :-(
  5. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    Good luck with whatever decision you make. Only you will know if it is the right one..

    One more day to go before half term. INSET on Friday and then a relaxing week ahead.
  6. ZestyMordant

    ZestyMordant New commenter

    Hi, I don't post often, but read regularly and felt that I had to contribute. I'm a very new, very inexperienced acting head at a small school. I didn't apply for the job, it happened out of the blue as I was the most senior member of staff, however it was something that I would have aspired to in the future. I've been doing it for 11 months now and it has been the absolute hardest and most exhausting work that I have ever done. Like you, I've had to sort out staffing (very bizarre contracts here too), put a curriculum in place, make redundancies and have very difficult conversations with colleagues and deal with all sorts of absolute nonsense that had accumulated under the last head. To be honest, I'm surprised that the school is still standing! o_O

    What has surprised me the most though, was how personally I took every little thing. After teaching for nearly a decade I had built up a fairly thick skin, on taking this job it has become non existent. Literally, every little thing I took personally. I felt like an NQT on their second week faced with a complaining parent. My husband gave me two pieces of the best advice ever.

    1. "You had a thick skin that worked in teaching, now you just need time to grow a different kind of skin."

    2. " Zesty, you really are missing one important thing here. You're not taking into account the d***h**d factor. There's always one, it's just that you have a bigger audience now and you're more exposed to a few more of them. Someone will always just be a d***h**d. Forget about it."

    Wise words. From then on, whenever that ridiculous and unnecessary email from a disgruntled person and it starts to bother me, I try to remember "Aaahh, I forgot to factor in the DHF."

    The post that I'm in at the moment has just been advertised and I've decided to apply. I have no idea why. Some days I absolutely hate it, I'm not convinced that I am a school leader and I worry constantly that I'm messing everything up. Everything. But I've applied for it, because I really love this little school and I've been very happy here as a teacher and we have an awesome staff who have worked incredibly hard to put things right and now they are right, I would like to take it forward. But today is a good day, ask me again tomorrow and I may have applied at Starbucks.

    Do whatever feels right for you, but remember that this job will take time to adjust too. My first 3 months were absolute hell and I was often in tears with a bourbon at home. But you wouldn't have been given the job if there wasn't something about you that is right for this.

    Remember Mr Zestys two pieces of advice.....

    Good luck, there is always support here and it's fantastic support.
    freddiecider likes this.
  7. Northhead

    Northhead Occasional commenter

    [/QUOTE] What has surprised me the most though, was how personally I took every little thing. After teaching for nearly a decade I had built up a fairly thick skin, on taking this job it has become non existent. Literally, every little thing I took personally. I felt like an NQT on their second week faced with a complaining parent.

    Too true about the thick skin developed from teaching not applying to headship. I think a lot of it is because there is a strong link to how well a school is doing to how good the headteacher is. Therefore anybody who explicitly or implicitly implies something bad about the school means you too are rubbish.

    Good to hear about others working through it though.
    freddiecider likes this.
  8. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    Great post Zeasty. I have had two DHF situations today, the first when my ability as a HT was questioned and the second when a parent didn't want to hear about the behaviour of their child. Thinking DHF, DHF was a great way to deal with it.

    Good luck with your application.
    freddiecider likes this.
  9. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

    Another great post and another insight into things.

    Today was an 'okay' day and I actually managed to achieve something.

    I love the Idea of the DHF!
    Jesmond12 likes this.
  10. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

    Well here I am on Sunday night again with tears rolling down my cheeks. Each Sunday seems to feel worse than the last one
  11. Jesmond12

    Jesmond12 Star commenter

    Hang in there Freddie - it has happened to us all at one time or another. You need to find someone to talk to and explain exactly how you feel.

    Don't be afraid to ask for support.

    Take Care.
  12. lindenlea

    lindenlea Star commenter

  13. artbinki

    artbinki New commenter

    Hi Freddie, how are you getting on, I am in exactly the same place, inc no deputy, 6. Months in wearing a mouth guard as grinding teeth in sleep, working 15 hours a day 7 days a week, crying every night as am so worried I Will lose my job ,4 mos complaining to governors as i am making them accountable for first time - chair of g giving this far more time of day than it deserves - I work in a place with more support staff than teachers which is the main problem as they neither understand or care , the teachers ,except one, are all being great.
    install likes this.
  14. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

    It's clear that I'm not alone then. What I can't understand is how a school can get into these situations when supposedly there is so much accountbility. As each day goes by yet another major issue reveals itself.
    I thought I was coming into this job for the children. How stupid was I? They are wonderful, the parents are fabulous and the majority of the staff are too. However the majority of my time is going on sorting/ discussing ridiculous contracts and dealing with building issues which appararently haven't been addressed for years.
    Yet another sleepless night and that was a Saturday night!
  15. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    sorry, but all these feelings you describe are the completely normal, every day experience for thousands of teachers across the country every day, and I can guarantee that includes many on your staff.

    I am not saying it should be this way, of course not, but the whole system is sick, and this is the way it is.

    if you have been so lucky as to get this far in your career without knowing and understanding this is the common experience, then I would actually go as far as to say you are not fit to be a head.

    Think of it as crucial inset
  16. freddiecider

    freddiecider New commenter

    The teachers do a fantastic job - I know that. I also absolutely know the enormous pressures they are under too. Having experienced 7 Ofsted inspections in my career , 2 as Assistant head and 3 as Deputy then I think I am actually fully aware of the pressures a whole school team are under.
    I can't go into the specifics of my situation nor the specific complications but someone had to try to do it. I wanted to for the staff and the children as I know the school is wonderful in so many ways.

    You are right though. I'm clearly not fit to be a head and I realise that myself hence my resignation several weeks ago.
  17. dunnocks

    dunnocks Star commenter

    I didn't mean that you are not fit to be a head NOW. I meant that if you have never experienced these feelings ever, then you are not able to manage people who are feeling them every day.

    What I was saying is this is a valuable time for you, and you'll never be any good as a head unless you have been through times like this.

    Feeling like this (short term- ideally) will make you a better head.

    But yes, definitely resign if you don't want to do the job, it is a question of your own quality of life though, not a question of whether you area fit or unfit person
  18. artbinki

    artbinki New commenter

    HI Freddie - your not alone - I was up till three am working no Friday night as I knew working all day saturday and sunday wouldn't be enough.

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