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new deputy - big regrets. Should I step away?

Discussion in 'Senior Leadership Team' started by afewgoodmen, Feb 18, 2012.

  1. I am new to being a deputy at a big primary. I have no teaching responsibility. Before this I was AHT with half a class responsibility. I found it hard work at first but feel that I've 'cracked it' now in that I have a handle on what I'm doing and I think I'm doing a good job - feedback from staff and my HT is very good.
    But my heart is just not in it. The hours are longer than I imagined and I have no life outside of being at school anymore - in the evenings I arrive home late, cook, eat and go to bed. At the weekends I have to make sure I don't get too tired by staying up late / driving too much etc. as I worry I won't be able to cope with the week if I do. I don't take work home, I never did as a teacher and I don't now, but I do work very long hours and although I'm not physically working at home my mind is!
    I miss the classroom teaching enormously and although I know I'm helping the teachers in the school I miss being with the children. I know my HT would be horribly disappointed (possibly angry) if I told her how I was feeling and I suspect she'd write me off. If I apply for other jobs I will feel terribly and am worried that no school would want me as I'd be taking step 'backwards' which might be viewed with suspicion.
    I am dreadfully unhappy though. I'm exhausted and the thought of keeping doing this has ruined my half term. Has anyone else been in the same boat and made it work / moved on?
  2. Hi
    I have been a deputy for two and a half years but with a full teaching commitment and also a 7 year old son. Its tough I agree. Message me if you want a sympathetic ear as not many people are on here xxx

  3. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    Surely having a baby is more important than a career and if you are unlucky enough to have to choose you chuck in your career?
  4. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    It is, but the OP has started a number of different threads one about her relationship problems, money worries, TTC and this one about her career.
    I was merely pointing out that it might be a wise idea to take a step back and think about what she really wants.
    If you're lucky enough to conceive then it's very difficult if you decide that actually your relationship isn't great after all, or that your job isn't what you want (the OP has said she has money worries, she will have more once a baby comes along so she'll need an income).
    A long hard think about what motivated her to apply for the role and whether she still has that motivation, her career, money issues and relationship issues would make sense before bringing another life into the world with all the responsibility that brings.
    If the OP is feeling stressed now I can guarantee having a baby will not make things any better.
  5. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    That is really sound advice.
    I had read a number of her threads and hadn't realised she wasn't sure about her relationship - this is a must before ttc.
    I know you have made a great job of being a head and a mother but I don't think everyone can. Also, the OP had mentioned fertility problems in one of her other threads - infertility can wreck your career in many different ways - time off for appointments/treatment, if you want to adopt the social worker dictates the length of your adoption leave and can insist you give up your job altogether plus the whole stress/depression/anxiety.
    I hadn't noticed she had money worries too - I must pay more attention!
  6. I know this is an online forum and you're all free to discuss anything you like but I'd like to ask you to stop discussing me like this. It's making me feel uncomfortable. My fault for asking for advice I realise, I won't be doing it again. I am a real person. I'm a decent person. I work hard and I try hard to make people around me feel loved and valued. This thread makes me feel invaded and gossiped about.
  7. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    I think you should ask for it to be pulled then. I also think you might be a bit too sensitive to be a deputy.
    I'm sure you'll complain about that too but you need broad shoulders for the job.
  8. becky70

    becky70 Occasional commenter

    No offence intended, sorry if any caused. I would echo CG's advice about getting the thread pulled.
  9. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    Am I the only one who has noticed the op has changed username?
  10. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    I've received a personal message from the op stating that she feels I have bullied her. As I have only ever responded to her on this thread I can only assume that she feels I have been bullying in this thread. Whilst I feel that this is quite a strong word to use and a fairly serious allegation, I would like to make it clear that it was nevermy intention to
    Intimidate or make anyone feel bullied. I was offering advice. I apologise if I have offended anyone.
  11. Alie

    Alie New commenter

    Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person.
    All I saw was advice being given from a Head with experience, like you would give in school. I am not sure I would class this as bullying.
  12. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    thank you, I appreciate your feedback.
  13. Keighleigh

    Keighleigh New commenter

    There is a jump from being a senior teacher to Deputy and sooooo much is learned about being a HT as a Deputy, if the Head allows you to learn. It's different too. Being non-class based gives less contact with the children. The classroom is so secure and structured, you know what you're doing and when.

    If the OP is genuine, I do feel a little sorry for her. As well meaning as CurlyGirly and MiddleMarch are, when I read the thread through the answers are quite stern and don't really give a balance. Sympathy and then reality. It's almost like CG is saying 'get out of the heat if you can't stand it'. I know you're both very experienced but I'm sure you had to start somewhere!! You didn't know it all then!!

    Is there anything you don't know CG? Any role you haven't held?

    These forums are changing, support no more, critcism for grammar, punctuation or just telling people to put up or shut up!! Wouldn't say bullying but harsh. Just my opinion.
  14. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    There's plenty I don't know. If you can find the post where ive said I know it all, please, do quote me.I've held most roles in primary, as I've had a varied career. I'm still learning every day and I'm not sure why you feel the need to question my credibility but my shoulders are plenty broad enough do question away! If you feel I've been stern, that's fine, your judgement call.
  15. As another poster said, new jobs are always difficult at first. You need to find your feet and get used to the workings of another school (which takes time) as well as taking on new responsibilities. Stick with it and see if things get any better. If they don't then maybe consider looking for a less demanding role. You can then say you gave it your best shot and decided it wasn't for you. At least you were brave enough to have a go and I think future employers will recognise this as a strength.
    CG in particular, although seemingly trying to be helpful, has been very negative on this thread and I can't help but wonder if she would condemn a child who was struggling with something in the same way. We all go through difficult patches from time to time. Try and be positive and think of the things that are going well for you...be thankful that CG isn't your head teacher for a start!
    All the best in whatever you decide to do.
  16. Middlemarch

    Middlemarch Star commenter

    That's a daft thing to say. For a start, you cannot extrapolate from comments someone might make on here what kind of person they are or would be to work with - and as I know her personally, I happen to know what a fantastic job she's doing.
    As I said earlier - sympathy doesn't actually help anyone with difficult decisions.
  17. anon2799

    anon2799 New commenter

    Thanks Middlemarch .
    I know some people find me "forthright" and don't like it. Others see it as "bullying" if you don't offer hugs and sympathy. As you know, I've said it countless times on here, and so have you, deputy is a difficult job that you should think very carefully about before you take on.

    I'm inclined to think the OP was a wind up. It's interesting to see how some have reacted to my advice, resorting to
    Personal comments, particularly about my professional ability. Given that this is an anonymous forum I'm intrigued to know how they feel they can comment. Obviously people like you, who know me and my school, are in a better position to do so, as are the people with whom I work, who are tremendously loyal, and get it back in spades. That'll do for me.
  18. doczoc

    doczoc New commenter

    Here's a lightbulb moment if ever I saw one!
  19. My god! Are you people seriously professionals? The Daily Mail readers would have a field day with you lot! Society has already lost all respect for teachers - reading some of the vitriol on these forums it's not surprising; It's disturbing to see the sarcasm, the arrogance and the total lack of emotional intelligence of some posters on here, who would come down like a tonne of bricks on kids who behaved this way in their own schools. Just remember when you have turned the pc off for the night, you might be feeling particularly smug at your own 'forthrightness' , but the chances are you venting your spleen on here, or just having a sly little dig at someone who might be having a difficult time has probably left them feeling likecrap. Or does that make you feel good too?
  20. Morninglover

    Morninglover Star commenter

    Partly at least thanks to the DM...

    Not in this thread - which I have just reread - just honest, if tough, advice based on wide personal experience...


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