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New Baby

Discussion in 'Personal' started by ShowerGel, Jul 7, 2011.

  1. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    I live in a modern terrace and my neighbours have brought home their new baby today and I can hear it screaming through the walls.
    All I can think is 'thank God it's not me' and remember how awful it was when I took my firstborn home and he screaned and screamed.
    My neighbours are late 30's early 40's age group and are very nice but had a lovely life as a happily married working couple.
    It's just reminding me of that HUGE before and after gap..............and they are suddenly with no warning at all really in the after.............................OMG. Normally they'd be [peacefully slumbering around now to wake at 6
    If I'd known I'd never have become a parent - no debate whatsoever.
    Normally they'd be slumbering peacefully about now being happy with being pregnant, get up at 6, have a quiet shower, off to work, come home, watch a bit of tele! Whoooooosh, and now!
  2. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    I'm not so sure... my life is different now that I've had a baby but I'm not entirely sure that it's more stressful.
    I am a bad motivator-of-self so I used to Not Do things and get wound up about it. But now that I have a baby I HAVE to get things done when they need doing (he doesn't accept excuses). And he is cool and interesting and generally keeps me quite entertained.
    I wasn't particularly expecting anything from the experience of motherhood but considering how much I was dreading it I find that I much prefer the day-to-day routiney aspect of it.
    There's probably an argument to say that this indicates that my life wasn't that great beforehand and there's loads of things that I would (and am trying to) change about my life in general, but ime the baby was the easy bit.
  3. Nope - it just means that you had one life that was ok and another life that is ok.
    I didn't find becoming a mother too difficult either - once I had got used to no bleddy sleep [​IMG]
    I loved my life before becoming a mother, I loved being a full-time mother and I now love being a full time worker and mother as well.
    It has not all been plain sailing (particularly the yucky divorce years but all sorted and we are good friends now and both look after the kids, phew) - and often very knackering - but each phase has been good and worthwhile.
    It is like a never-ending path of stepping stones across a river. Sometimes you get a wet foot, but there is always still the next stone to hold you out of the water.
    You never get to the other side, of course [​IMG]
  4. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    It's stopped screaming now!
    Learning yog. - its always interesting to see how differently we all see things, or sometimes very similarly.
    Listening to my neighbours has bought my horror back to me as if it was yesterday
    For all I know they're on cloud 9!
    I do understand that having to do things theory, though and I still can't get over that and the being tidy bit you have to do when they're toddlers. Before that I was very messy. My children were so manically active I had to keep tidy else they would've killed themselves on something.

  5. LOL - I used to be Miss Manically Tidy.
    Then came the kids.
    I gave up after that! House has been a bombshell ever since.
    Some day I will be an old granny with a cat, a rocking chair and a cleaner...
  6. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    I hope I'm not woken in the night by it and lie there worrying about how they're getting on especially him as he's a bit of a worrier.
    The phrase 'get a life' is springing to mind for me...
    No................I can hear the pulling of chains next door and have remembered that most babies don't start screaming in earnest 'till they're about 3 months.
  7. DaisysLot

    DaisysLot Senior commenter

    My daughter is now nearly one year old. I do miss the Saturday afternoon naps and the time to read.... but the 'usband and I are a fairly good team, so we both get a bit of time off now and then.
  8. My son is not the least enthusiastic about starting a family. He knows that the hours when you most want to flop after a day at work are the ones that will have to be spent pretending he really does want to interact with a sprog. And he really really loves his sleep.
  9. giraffe

    giraffe New commenter

    Mine were really demanding babies -Even walking round with them in the sling, singing and rocking etc etc made little difference to their crying until early hours each night. Totally exhausting.
  10. Yes - been there done that and still doing it! I have four ranging from 28 down to 12. This is my recipe for success (no sorry not success - getting by)

    1. Maintain a sense of proportion - will it matter in 6 months? No - don't get worked up about it
    2. Maintain a sense of humour - once went to school wearing two different coloured shoes!!
    3 This one was REALLY IMPORTANT - get your baby used to going to bed awake - persevere at this and it will free your evenings up.
    4. Sleep when you can - don't worry about getting things done - ***** the housework - if the baby is quiet get some rest!
    5. Forget perfect - ask yourself is it really important that this is done? If the answer is yes - then ask is there anyone else that can do it? Call in some favours if you have to. Ask for help - you do not have to do everything the way you used to.
    6. As they get older let them help and do things for themselves - I have never made a packed lunch for any of them - when they were four it was fun - then it was just routine after that!
    7. Enjoy it - it really doesn't last long - although I do think I have been a mum forever (wait a minute 28 years IS forever!)

    Good luck!!
  11. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    I've seen the baby and can hear it now.
    I've been invited round tomorrow to have another look.
    It's amazing of course and I'm crazy about babies and kids (other people's) but my heart goes out to them especially her as she looked utterly radiant and now looks like death warmed up.
    I just hope she's the type who realizes how lucky she is that her neighbour has offered to take him for a stroll if she wants but then I know that some mothers are wierd about their babies although I was the opposite - an unknown teenager used to collect mine and take him to hang out with her mates. She used to pretend he was her baby! When she tunrned up at my door I thought it was all my birthdays rolled into one.
    I'm in the process of moving my bed into the bedroom away from where the baby is sleeping next door but had to practically redecorate - the room was empty!
    It's just the memories it's triggering - all those sleepless nights and milk spurting across the room and OMG breast pads stuffed down your bra to soak everything up.
  12. hazeymazey

    hazeymazey New commenter

    It's strange isn't it...I had my first baby at 37 and my second at 38 so i'd had a long time without them if that makes sense. I'm 40 next year. I can honestly say I did the radiant thing after my baby girl was born at Christmas last year. I am tired, overwrought and perhaps not quite as neat and tidy as I used to be (me personally or the house) but I love family life as does my o/h. Even when boy bounds into bed with us first thing and says something bizzare or funny, the day starts well. Looking back I feel as though my adult life started properly when I met my o/h and we went on to have our two tinkers. The difference in our lives before and after babies is massive and I do sooooooooooooo miss lie ins and peace and quiet (sometimes). Which reminds me - time to go and hurl two small people onto a sleeping daddy. There was a certain amount of horror when we brought our little boy home for the first time - lol - it's hard to know what to do with them when it's your first isn't it? You kind of stumble through each day! I bet your neighbours are feeling just like that!

  13. Awww. I am a mum to an 11 month old- and suddenly becoming intensely broody again... I found the first two weeks hard but wouldn't say I hated them, I did hate the nights though... but by 6 weeks things had clicked into place and it was easier. I do miss lazy mornings but not enough to say I wouldn't do it again. It is a bit of a shock when a newborn comes home... I thought we'd pop her in her moses basket and she'd fall asleep.. not a chance.
    I much prefer being a mum to working full time in a job I hate.... I used to dread every single day but now I enjoy most of them.
    There are things that irritate me- she is an 'on the go' baby and makes such a mess- my lounge has turned from tidy into chaos in a matter of minutes.... but we have fun together- I love seeing her change, so I wouldn't pity your neighbour too much... The first weeks are hard, but it all clicks into place and I am very happy with my little family. So, I am sure your neighbours will begin to enjoy it soon!
  14. I don't think it is especially weird to want to keep your newborn close- particularly in those early stages when they feed a lot.
  15. No, but it is weird to not let anyone else take the baby for half an hour to give you a rest

    That was my interpretation of the "weird" comment
  16. LOL, I must be weird then.... certainly wouldn't palm baby off on someone I barely knew to get half an hours rest- especially when they are so new. Hormones are powerful things.,
    Husband- yes, neighbour - no way. When they are older and able to be comforted by others- yes.
    I generally slept when she slept as a newborn.
    I would now let others take her now but she sleeps twice a day so I get quite a lot of rest.
  17. But I wouldn't have given my baby to a stranger I hardly knew.

  18. learningyoghurt

    learningyoghurt New commenter

    Mebbe it's a question of resources, then. Not having had a husband (or neighbours, come to think of it) I happily chucked the baby at pretty much anyone I could see. I was back at work (very) part-time when he was two weeks old so he had to go to a childminder's then and I recall leaving him in the sixth-former's lounge for a good half an hour whilst I sat down in the staff-room and finished a cup of coffee.
    I'm not sure I'd have liked not knowing where he was or being able to get to him quickly, though, to be fair.
    I'm being a bit disingenuous here though - actually I'd say that no approach is 'weird' or otherwise. My number one rule of new motherhood was to do what you need to do to get through the day without actually neglecting or hurting the baby.
  19. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    Has he been reading Mumsnet?
  20. ShowerGel

    ShowerGel Lead commenter

    Mebbe it's a question of resources, then. Not having had a husband (or neighbours, come to think of it) I happily chucked the baby at pretty much anyone I could see

    Yes learningyoghurt - thanks for that and a very wize comment for that was me. I had noone to help either. It's interesting to note that the experience is so different for everyone and that I mustn't assume my neighbour's will be the same as mine in any way whatsoever. Already I can see she has a husband, sister and father to help and that the early days are not easy for most parents - would you say that's true?

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