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Need to let off steam!!!

Discussion in 'Primary' started by impulce, Jan 16, 2012.

  1. Some people find it so hard to accept that their children are either a) very hard work behaviour wise or b) special educational needs, that they will attack and blame everything they possibly can.
    You've done everything by the book and in a very professional way, in my opinion. All you can really do is explain again everything the school is doing to support her, and ask if there is anything they can suggest you do that might help (Putting the ball in their court makes them feel valued, and often they will often have no idea!). Make sure you constantly bring it back to her learning - which is the reason why you are trying to encourage her to do her work.
    If your KS leader is supportive, it will be positive that you have him/her there with you for the meeting - just make sure you brief her first. If they have further concerns and are not listening to your reasons, tell them to take it to the head.
     
  2. marlin

    marlin Star commenter Forum guide

    Sorry you are having trouble with this girl. I do think it is a good idea to have someone else at the meeting with you - especially as you have said the mum isn't very nice. Always best for you to have support.
    Strange as it may seem after saying the above - I do think you should arrange that the parent(s) should come in regularly (every day or perhaps Mon, Wed and Fri at least to start with - just for 5 mins) for you to report how the girl is behaving in person to them so that you can explain each incident, rather than relying on a chart which doesn't give you much chance to explain. Ask them for their support - what are they doing about the child's behaviour? Are there any consequences at home if she has a sad face on her chart?
    If you give them more to do, they might ease off and start to leave you alone once they get fed up with having to come up to school so much!
    Perhaps outside agencies might be mentioned if the in-school action plan isn't working.
    You might also try posting this as a Dear Tom in the behaviour forum.
    Hope it all goes well.
     
  3. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Ahh after all that mum yesterday, child refused to join in again today, with PE of all things! And after all the moaning from mum about it being from home and school, she didn't even send in her behaviour chart today!
     
  4. Lara mfl 05

    Lara mfl 05 Star commenter

    So often that's the case. They expect us to make every effort but find themselves busy and forget. Small wonder it's often these children who struggle!
     
  5. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    To top it off, child tells me that she doesn't have her chart cos mum has thrown it away!
     
  6. languageisheartosay

    languageisheartosay Occasional commenter

    This made me laugh! I ask child eagerly 'Did Mum like the special wordlist you're going to learn?' Reply comes: 'We put it in the recycling bin.'
     
  7. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Another day, a different parent with what seems another personal Attack. Boy, very able, very naughty, very lazy, very slow. Would quite happily sit and do nothing and will if not encouraged and pushed. Mum says boy very unhappy as being labelled, and apparently he has told her that when he is told to speed up he slows down on purpose. Mum claims he's had glowing reports in past, he is a very naughty boy. Doesn't believe I should be telling him to speed up and pushing him. Would she rather I just let him sit and do nothing!
    So got meeting with her and key stage leader next week, and the joy of my other meeting tomorrow!
     
  8. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    I just feel so ****, like I'm being personally targeted. I'm new to yr2, old teacher was there for years and I almost feel like parents are ganging up and just don't like the changes! I feel like crying
     
  9. Msz

    Msz Established commenter

    It's really hard following a teacher who has given parents a totally different view of the child you now have to teach. Easier said than done I know but try not to take it personally you are only doing your job by trying to get their idle little dear to reach their full potential.
     
  10. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    But that's the prob. How else can I get him to reach his potential without me pushing him. She's basically saying I should leave him to sit and do nothing
     
  11. Msz

    Msz Established commenter

    I hada mum tell me at the beginning of the year that if her son wasn't ready to write she didn't see why he should ... she has now come to see my point of view
     
  12. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Unfortunately my ht can sometimes also take on the view of letting them do it in their own time, joining in when they want etc, which doesn't really help. I'm of the view where, I'm sorry, but even as adults we have to do things we don't want to do, better start learning that now!
     
  13. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    I just take it all very personally
     
  14. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Ahhh this is really getting to me. 2 problem parents in a week, another one I can feel brewing! I just feel like I'm completely useless! Only my second yr, had my nqt mentor to support me last year and now with all these parents I feel utterly ****
     
  15. DFC

    DFC New commenter

    Complaints from parents tend to 'come in together' as parents chat about teachers / class etc. in the playground.
    Talk to your team leader at school tomorrow about how you have been dealing with this child, whether you should change you approach etc. so that you are reflecting on the situation. If your 'support' says you have acted responsibly then ask how they deal with the feelings of inadequacy that can be planted by some parents. Explain how you feel and ask for a bit of SMT / Team Leader support. (I say do it tomorrow, because if you don't, it will eat away at you over the weekend and make you feel even worse.)
    You are only in your second year as a teacher, so meetings like this with difficult parents are something that you will not have dealt with very often and can make you feel vulnerable. A good school won't stop supporting you just because your NQT year is over!
    From what you have said, it appears you have acted entirely appropriately, so try not to take it personally.

     
  16. I know how hard it can be following someone who the parents think was wonderful. She had a totally different laid back style... the kids loved her. I took over half way through the year. Was grim but I got through it - and taught them my way.
    You are not useless... you have been employed by head and governors to do a job. You are a teaching professional and they are parents...not trained teachers... and unlikely to be competent to handle the education of 20 to 30 children for a year all by themselves.
    You are. You really are... we all have weeks when we think we aren't though.
    Yr after NQT is tough too... people stop nurturing and act as if you should just be able to do everything. Even though you never stop coming across new things you haven't experienced before for several years. And everyone else seems too busy, so you don't want to bother them. I find aproaching people with the words "Do you mind if I ask you a stupid question?" helps.

    Hope it gets better. And if it helps... I have the dreamiest, laziest boy in my class too. His mother has thankfuly realized (eventually) that he needs to be constantly reminded to do even the most basic task. If I don't tell him to open his book and write the objective at least 5 times, he will be happily gazing into space for the whole lesson.
     
  17. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Thank you for your advice. It's eating away at me already! Can I ask on here how people deal with the feeling of inadequacy.
     
  18. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Thank u sun painter. I keep my calm and hold my own with meetings but just I'll break down afterwards!
     
  19. rainbowdrop86

    rainbowdrop86 New commenter

    Can I ask how others would deal with a very able but naughty child at year 2 who doesn't work to the best of his ability, sits and stares, works very slowly or sits and talks
     
  20. inky

    inky Lead commenter

    I'd gather up the evidence of his ability and summon the parents in to look at it.

    I use the word summon, rather than ask or invite, deliberately. It sets the tone.
     

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