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Need some advice.......

Discussion in 'Personal' started by hotchoccy88, Mar 6, 2011.

  1. I have been seeing a guy for 6 months now. He is divorced 9 years and has an 11 year old daughter.
    He decided to end the marriage when his daughter was only a few months old. He said he left because his long commute to work every day became draining and put pressure on his marriage. He said ex his wife did nothing wrong.
    His ex wife met her new partner not long after the split at work. Sadly he passed away a few months ago. It has been known for a few years that he would eventually pass away because of his illness.
    His ex wife lives a couple of hours away so he has to travel to see his daughter approx once every two weeks during one day of the weekend.
    Before his ex wife's partner died, he told me that she would make cook for them all and they would all sit round having Sunday dinner - my boyfriend, his daughter, the ex wife and her partner. When I first starting seeing him, that didn't bother me at all.
    However now the partner has passed away, I feel uneasy about the whole thing. It makes me feel very insecure that he spends some Sundays in the house with his daughter and ex wife and they still have dinner together. When he is there, there is no communication with me via text.
    When I have asked about his ex wife, he told me he no longer finds her attractive and in fact never did. I find this hard to believe if he married her and had a child with her. Surely there must have been some attraction.
    Am I right to feel insecure or am I being selfish? I do wonder if he has regrets leaving his marriage. Not sure I want to continue with this relationship when I feel this way every time he goes off to see his daughter and ex wife.
    Any advice appreciated!
     
  2. I have been seeing a guy for 6 months now. He is divorced 9 years and has an 11 year old daughter.
    He decided to end the marriage when his daughter was only a few months old. He said he left because his long commute to work every day became draining and put pressure on his marriage. He said ex his wife did nothing wrong.
    His ex wife met her new partner not long after the split at work. Sadly he passed away a few months ago. It has been known for a few years that he would eventually pass away because of his illness.
    His ex wife lives a couple of hours away so he has to travel to see his daughter approx once every two weeks during one day of the weekend.
    Before his ex wife's partner died, he told me that she would make cook for them all and they would all sit round having Sunday dinner - my boyfriend, his daughter, the ex wife and her partner. When I first starting seeing him, that didn't bother me at all.
    However now the partner has passed away, I feel uneasy about the whole thing. It makes me feel very insecure that he spends some Sundays in the house with his daughter and ex wife and they still have dinner together. When he is there, there is no communication with me via text.
    When I have asked about his ex wife, he told me he no longer finds her attractive and in fact never did. I find this hard to believe if he married her and had a child with her. Surely there must have been some attraction.
    Am I right to feel insecure or am I being selfish? I do wonder if he has regrets leaving his marriage. Not sure I want to continue with this relationship when I feel this way every time he goes off to see his daughter and ex wife.
    Any advice appreciated!
     
  3. Perhaps you could read the posts for yourself by clicking on his/her post count before you accuse me of trolling.
    There are only five posts. Its not as if its difficult.
     
  4. Hey! I didn't know you could do that!
     
  5. ilovesooty

    ilovesooty Star commenter

    If it makes you insecure that's your problem. If this thread is real and not a spot of trolling I agree with Ritchie's post 3.

    And how many people do you know who text people when they're having dinner with someone else? It would be the height of rudeness.

    Get over your own petty jealousy - or insecurity if you prefer to call it that - and grow up if you want to maintain the relationship.


     
  6. BelleDuJour

    BelleDuJour Star commenter

    Well, FWIW my first husband, and father of my children, is my best friend.
    I am happily married to someone else but first husband spent the last 2 Christmases with us, has stayed over when visiting for dinner or other occassions and helps out both me and hubby with many things.
    My hubby thinks he is great and it has been lovely for our children to grow up with parents who like each other, even though no longer married.
    Some of my TES buddies have met him and can vouch for our very close, but totally platonic, relationship.
    It's strange, yes, and not everyone's cup of tea, but it works for us.
     
  7. Don't think this thread is for real - but my relationship with my ex is pretty much as your's is with your ex, Belle.
    We still do lots together - including Christmas, weekend activities, etc. and help each other out.
    No partners have ever had a problem with that.

     
  8. I agree that you shouldn't interfere - he is there to see his daughter and she has a right to have a relationship with him. Plus, what are the alternatives? That he goes to see his daughter, they spend the day together and then his ex has to eat in the kitchen? That he leaves before dinner and misses out on the kind of experience which his daughter should be able to enjoy with both her parents? Or that they have a chaperone? He has a child and that child has a mother and no amount of 'feeling uncomfortable' is going to change that, so you need to come to terms with it if you intend to continue the relationship.
     
  9. Yet another thread where the OP doesn't return. hotchoccy obviously has her own agenda which doesn't include reading the advice given. Why are you posting therefore dear?
     

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