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Need an outside perspective.

Discussion in 'Personal' started by lostkitten, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. I don't usually post things like this but I need another view.

    I'm in a long distance relationship due to my school placement, but we see each other every weekend without fail. My boyfriend nan has been very ill recently so last weekend he went to visit her so we didn't see each other, no problem with that. She died last night and he's decided to go visit his parents (3 hrs away) and has said that I can come along. I get on well with his parents and have stayed there many times but I'm not sure whether I should go as I don't want to invade their privacy or feel like I'm intruding.

    Any ideas on this? Is it appropriate for me to go since I've been invited or should I not go?
  2. doomzebra

    doomzebra Occasional commenter

    It very much depends on your relationship - how long have you been together? How 'serious' are you?
    Could you not telephone his parents to express your condolences and then mention that your boyfriend has asked you to come with him - see what their reaction is.
  3. His invitation shows two important things. One, he wants you there with him at a significant moment in his life. Two, he sees you as part of the family and friends group one normally expects to gather at such times.

  4. I second Adelady!
  5. My bf and I have lived together 2.5 years now, and been together for 5.5. My grandmother died 2 years ago, just before Christmas and the funeral was over the Christmas period. He'd never met my grandmother, and it didn't feel right to have him there- at that point we still spent Christmas with our own families, but since then we've done the rounds of family together.
    However, now, if it was my grandfather's funeral (only remaining grandfather), I'd like him there for the support. And if it was his grandmother, I'd like to go as I know her rather more than he knows my (admittedly quite awkward) grandfather.
    Has he asked you to go, or said you can come if you like? If he wants you there for support, it's a different thing.
  6. magic surf bus

    magic surf bus Star commenter

    I third Adelady.
  7. We've been together just over a year and are moving in together in month.
    I don't have the house phone number since they have moved so can't call home.
    As for context he told me he was going there, and I said that's fine, and he said you can come if you want to and he could give me a lift.
    He tends to use if you want for all situations, including when he really does want me there such as Christmas and graduation, as well as for other less serious times.
    Thanks for your comments though, I'm going to ask him just to check it's ok with his dad for me to come, as it's very hard not being able to comfort him here.

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