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Need a bit of advice...

Discussion in 'Personal' started by ilovemaths09, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. Last August, my sister and BIL moved to New Zealand so my 18-year-old niece has moved in with us to continue with college etc.

    My husband has booked a short break (4 days) for the two of us during half-term, meaning that my niece will staying in our house on her own.

    Today, she's asked if she can have a friend round to keep her company and I said that would be fine and asked who she had in mind. She then asked if it would be ok if that 'friend' was her boyfriend. I'm fine with this. They've been dating for almost 2 years and he's a lovely boy. The thing is, I know my husband won't like this idea (he's never been happy with her boyfriend sleeping over...)

    I should probably mention that her parents know that she's in a 'serious' relationship, so I doubt they'd mind him staying round (I've brought this up with them before.)

    Should I tell my husband that her boyfriend is staying round, knowing that he won't let it happen/won't be happy about it? Do I tell him that a female friend is staying round instead? Should I say nothing at all?

    I'd feel guilty lying to him outright, but would it be just as bad if I didn't tell him the whole truth?

    I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but I've been thinking about it a lot...probably over-thinking it! (Feel free to tell me that I'm being stupid!)
  2. lilachardy

    lilachardy Star commenter

    Can you tell her that he can't stay over, wink wink, but that what you don't know won't harm you?
  3. littlemissraw

    littlemissraw Occasional commenter

    I'd just mention casually that you've said she can have a friend over to keep her company if she wishes.
    Keep it vague, no lies and no upsets (hopefully!) x
  4. ach, heck.
    Normally, I would say don't lie to your husband but on this occasion, seeing as nobody else has a problem with it I would just say you have said that if she gets lonely or worried about being alone, you have said she can ring a friend to come around.
    Keep it vague and trust her.
    He doesn't need to know everything - we would get nowhere in life if nobody ever stuck our necks out for us and kept things vague ;-)

  5. Thanks for the replies - that's pretty much what I wanted to hear! :)

    My husband is usually laid-back about most things but he's so protective of our niece. I think it's because we've been trusted to 'look after' her and, if anything happens, we'll feel like we're to blame. It's more worrying than having your own 18-year-old ha!
  6. landaise

    landaise Occasional commenter

    She's 18. She's an adult. I think it's a good thing she asked your permission, it proves she is mature. Many her age would have gone behind your back so it proves she respects you and wants to do right by you.
    Maybe the best thing is to discuss it between the three of you then nothing is ' hidden' from anyone.

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