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My stressed partner

Discussion in 'Workplace dilemmas' started by thegeologist, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. thegeologist

    thegeologist Occasional commenter

    Hello all,

    My partner who has just started her NQT year has succumbed to the demands and stress of the job. She may be only a few days into her work but she is a wreck with stress. She is currently undertaking a temporary contract, however she can't cope.

    As a teacher myself who has suffered badly with stress my advice to her was to get out if she felt that way. She is only 22 and believe that leaving earlier rather than later is better. She has seen the state I got into in my last post and I don't want her to go through what I have gone through.

    Would she be able to resign on the grounds of stress?
  2. jago123

    jago123 Established commenter

    She would be able to resign, but cannot be released until December 31st. The deadline for autumn resignations is October 31.

    It is not one rule for one, one rule for another I'm afraid..

    You do state she is on temporary contract, when does that expire?
  3. scienceteachasghost

    scienceteachasghost Lead commenter

    Maybe a tad controversially, I would advise your partner to stick at it for now and be as loving and caring and helpful to her as you can during this period, cook the meals etc.

    The reason I say this is because I started one of my three main teaching jobs in a similar vein (and actually went off ill 2 days in the first week through sheer sleep deprivation!) but bit the bullet and although it was hard, actually started to enjoy it to some extent by November.

    Many. many teachers, even experienced ones find the start of term stressful and can't sleep well etc. I just feel that if your partner throws in the towel now in her NQT year she will live a lifetime of regret thinking 'I COULD have done it!' When, like me, you work in four different schools and get the same behaviour issues you begin to realise you are not made for the job.

    Its her decision but unless she gets really ill with it, I would say if she still feels stressed and unhappy by the middle of October then hand in that resignation.
  4. thegeologist

    thegeologist Occasional commenter

    It is a maternity cover contract. My worry is what will she do after teaching? Part of me would like to leave the profession, but I don't know what the hell I would do.
  5. thegeologist

    thegeologist Occasional commenter

    She is released up the return of lady taking maternity leave.
  6. Yes I agree. Its too soon for her to know its not for her just yet. Support her through to half term and then talk about it. End of half term week usually falls around deadline resignation date. I almost walked during my 1st year of teaching but the went on to have 13 mainly happy years until it all got too much.
  7. phlogiston

    phlogiston Star commenter

    First few days of any school year are always especially frantic (especially in a new job). Try to keep her out of panic mode until this flurry has calmed down, she knows people, procedures, locations and the rest of it. Encourage her to find someone who knows the ropes and can show things and tell her the things not to worry too much about.

    She needs to give it a few weeks.

    Best wishes to both of you

  8. DYNAMO67

    DYNAMO67 Lead commenter

    With the greatest respect this post is a bit silly at this stage.

    I know you mean well, and I am certainly not down playing your experience, but how, after what I assume is two days, can you decide it is going to be too much?

    Starting any job is stressful, more so if you are an NQT. You can't just throw the towel in. Tbh she should be stressed, I would be more worried if she wasn't. I get the feeling both of you have fallen into teaching maybe. I wonder whether you have misconceptions about what working in any profession is like. Any job with responsibility and a pay packet to match will involve some stress I am afraid...

    Give it until half term. Like stg suggests be supportive. Instead of focusing on the negatives focus on the positives!
  9. Morninglover

    Morninglover Star commenter

    Some temporary contracts have a shorter notice period (one month isn't uncommon) - so check the contact details. Otherwise either stick it out, or speak to the HT ASAP - they may prefer a quick departure now than an unhappy (& possibly absent) teacher later.
  10. Londonlassy

    Londonlassy New commenter

    I've been teaching for 11 years now, and I don't say that as a badge of honour, just as a way of offering my credentials for this advice. The first few days, actually weeks, of a new school year are so stressful. New classes, new interventions, new govt expectations, new curriculum every poxy year... Nightmare. Add to that the stress of a new place, with new systems and it can feel overwhelming.

    Stop, this isn't a time for 'big picture thinking', this isn't a time to even think about 'all the work I have to do'. Take it step by step, day by day , hour by hour. And it gets easier, things fall into place. Try to enjoy the students, build relationships with them, work on little successes.

    This is what helps me, give it time
  11. Moony

    Moony Lead commenter

    You can also put in a notice letter and say you'll work the standard notice period as well as asking for early release of contract. Depending on the reasons it can be granted.

    I'd say give it a week or so more as people are right about the first few days of term being the most stressful. Just make sure you are on hand in the evenings for hugs etc.
  12. thegeologist

    thegeologist Occasional commenter

    Thanks for all your advice, she chose to resign. I am proud of her in the sense she has made her mind up. The school were very understanding, I just think the expectation of teaching A2 groups coupled with over an hour commute were things which 'sealed the deal'. By the sounds of things the SMT were very polite and said they would rather her go when she is sane, than be carried out with stress!

    I myself a earlier this year made a move into a school where a 60 hour week was required just to stay afloat, so I can sympathise with her. I don't think the fact she did a post-16 PGCE helped her either.

    I think she will be much happier doing something else. The school sent kind letter to her which I thought showed excellent understanding.
  13. DYNAMO67

    DYNAMO67 Lead commenter

    Fair play to her. I would never advocate someone staying somewhere they were not happy, life is too short. Reading your post though, and without meaning to sound offensive, I can't look past the fact that she seems to have been (1) ridiculously hasty (2) wasted everyone's time.

    1)- She has resigned before she has probably even met all of the kids that she would have been teaching! Before she has had any opportunity to bed in. Things are tricky when you start a job. It will be the same next time as well. You need to give it a go! Had this been even three or four weeks later I would have had total sympathy, but at this stage......

    2) You talk about teaching KS5 and an hour commute. No offence but these are all things that you and her knew before accepting the post. I can't help but think she has wasted hers, the schools, everyone who was at that interview with her who may have wanted the post and the children who are suddenly left without a teachers time.
  14. frustum

    frustum Star commenter

    In amongst all the terrible stories we hear in this forum, isn't it good to hear of schools that do seem to care about their staff.
  15. sabrinakat

    sabrinakat Star commenter

    I was going to write that I felt the same this time last year but am so glad I stuck it out as it was a one-year fixed term and I have moved onto a school I feel is a much better fit.

    I have to agree with dynamo above and must also wonder if your very negative experience meant that you were not perhaps as objective as you could have been? Furthermore, a different school might have been the right school for her.

    Shame but c'est la vie.
  16. CWadd

    CWadd Star commenter

    I am going to agree with Dynamo and Sabrinakat here. Its great that you are so supportive - but frankly, when you take a job, its your responsibility to consider how long its going to take to get there and what you are going to be asked to do. The school sound like the type that would inform new staff about timetables and classes before they begin.

    I'm sorry she was so stressed, but if only being at a job for a "few days" makes her so ill with she wants to leave, I'm going to suggest maybe teaching is not the best career option. If she has a post-16 PGCE and felt overwhelmed with A2, then maybe something else might be more appropriate. Hope she recovers quickly.

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