I'm an NQT. Currently I am working as supply (in Wales). I am looking for permanent jobs in September but honestly I am terrified. In September I started a maternity cover role. I was told 'verbally' (I know I needed it in writing) that I would have a job until July 2019 but that didn't happen. A lot of things didn't happen! I didn't get a mentor until November as the one I was meant to have (second in dept) was too busy- which was fair enough. So I was appointed an external NQT mentor he was brilliant but it was not his job to be at the school all the time. The behaviour management in the school often criticised the teachers. To the point that a (I have to say she was very stressed) head of year asked the pupils in front of me what I had done wrong? Often when using 'on-call systems' SLT would tell you in front of your pupils that they do not agree that the pupils need taking out of lesson- undermining you in front of your pupils so I stopped calling them. There was a student teacher and his mentor went on permanent sick yet they failed to find him a new mentor therefore, I stepped in and began mentoring him until someone decided he needed a new mentor. I was criticised often for my books and feedback but when asked for help (especially with year 11s feedback) I was told 'Its OK we all don't know what we're doing' and received no more information. In a meeting about year 11s progress I was asked why I was not doing certain things with my year 11 students that I had not been told or asked to do. They got frustrated that I asked them questions about the things they needed me to do. I believe I was bought in as a cheap alternative to a teacher to cover maternity not as an NQT that they would have to invest time and share their knowledge and experience. I was made to feel like a bad teacher and in a report they wrote NQT not yet Good without consulting me. When asked about this they said 'we mean because you haven't been observed for your NQT grading we can't say you're good'. But I felt embarrassed and ashamed. Due to the stress and not having guidance where I needed it I was working 7.30am to 6.30pm and it caused me to have a car accident because I was so stressed and tired. I was told that most schools are like this with their NQT in terms of guidance. That they will observe you but the believe you are a teacher ready to go. I am terrified to return to work in a school permanently to get treated the same way. I had a month off between leaving that school and starting my supply work. In that time I went to the doctors for anxiety and I had my blood pressure tested. As I have PCOS I get it tested every 3 months. It was the first time ever I had high blood pressure. I am applying for jobs but I am not getting interviews- I don't know why. I wonder if self- consciously I am not giving the best letter I can in fear of the job. Is there anyone that can give me advise or is there anyone that has experienced similar things? I feel like I am a failure of a teacher.